


Your Pretty Face Hides A Thousand Lies.

by lizibabes



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Dark fic, M/M, Sex, Swearing, mentions of past physical abuse, slight dub con, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-15
Updated: 2012-01-15
Packaged: 2017-10-29 15:12:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/321236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizibabes/pseuds/lizibabes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lambliff Big Bang fill. Everyone thinks Adam met Tommy for the first time when he auditioned for the band, but that isn't true. Adam met Tommy once before in a club during his slightly slutty phase. The blonde was in his metal rocker phase then, he also blew Adam like a porn star. Why he's playing it straight now, Adam doesn't know, but he will find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Beta:i_glitterz (Thank you for betaing this huge fic)  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters in this story and as far as I’m aware this never happened.  
> Based around Adam's first tour, but not cannon time-lines. For the purposes of this fic, everyone in the Glamily lives in LA. Will switch between Adam and Tommy's POV, but with warning. More Tommy POV than Adam.

Adam POV

He doesn't recognize him at first, or even all that quickly. All he knows is he likes his look, the way he plays, and every time Adam asks him a question, he loves the answer. It’s not until Monte has him trying out a bass; seen as Monte himself has taken the guitarist spot that the guy is auditioning for, that Adam realizes he knows him. ‘Knows’ might be a slight exaggeration. It also explains why the guy has been looking at him weirdly since he arrived. Adam had waited longer than a lot of people he knows to have sex. He was a late bloomer to put it mildly, and once he'd had a little more confidence, he'd fucked around a little. A few years before Idol, he fucked around with the guy who is now auditioning for him.

　  
Tommy Joe Ratliff; it’s nice to have a name to go with possibly the best blowjob he’s ever had. Adam isn't even sure they swapped first names at the time, they had both been drunk. One second: Adam was asking the guy to dance; the next, they were out back and Tommy was on his knees. Adam jerked him off once he'd been able to gather enough brain cells to move his hand with any co-ordination. If memory serves right, Tommy hadn't seemed to mind settling for a handjob, even though Adam had been blown. He'd never had a blowjob like it, was willing to bet the guy had been with a lot of men to get that good. Thinking about being deep-throated during an audition is kind of stupid; he's half hard just from remembering. Tommy had been hot then, more rocker in his look, a little bulkier. He is even hotter now; slim, pale; the hair, the makeup, it all hits so many kinks of Adam's. Tommy Joe is more than hot now, he's beautiful and Adam can imagine those glossed lips wrapped around his cock way too easily. He's not a small guy, but Tommy had taken him like a pro, which is so fucking rare. It's hard to concentrate on his playing, so he is so fucking glad Monte is here to help him.  
　  
Even the fact that Tommy seems a little shy around them is cute. He's never overly loud, but he's clearly a friendly, sociable guy, but every so often, when Adam talks, Tommy turns a little timid. Adam wonders how a guy that hot managed to grow up insecure. He blushes at every compliment, ducks his head and hides his eyes behind those long bangs.  
　  
"Kid’s good," Monte tells him whilst Tommy waits far enough away not to hear them.  
　  
"His look would work with the band as well. Do you think he'll be good enough with the bass even though he normally plays lead guitar?" Adam doesn't want to pick his band with his dick and end up with a shitty, but hot band. He is not going to mess his one chance up for a blowjob, no matter how amazing it had been. Hell, Tommy might have a boyfriend by now. Guys that pretty, with mouths like hoovers didn't tend to stay single for long. So, picking him for the band in hopes of a repeat will be stupid for multiple reasons.  
　  
"He's talented. If he can learn the songs as quick as he seems to have things, I see no problem having him," Monte nods and Adam has to try and ignore his thoughts on ‘having’ Tommy.  
　  
They tell him the job’s his, get him to wait while someone gets him paperwork to sign and some information. He's standing close to them both when he gets a phone call.  
　  
　  
"What is it? I'm at an audition," His voice is sharper than it had ever been when answering questions. He doesn't mention getting the job either, which seems weird. Adam would be bragging.  
　  
"No, I haven't seen your spare toothbrush. I gave you all the shit you left at my apartment. This couldn't have waited? I'm kind of working," Tommy sighs, clearly frustrated. Adam can hear someone yelling down the phone after that, but he can't make out any of the angry sounding words.  
　  
Tommy ends the call or gets hung up on; Adam isn't really sure. He pushes back his blonde bangs, looking like he wants to kill whoever was on the phone ... slowly.  
　  
"Un-fucking-believable," Tommy mutters to himself.  
　  
"Trouble in paradise?" Monte asks.  
　  
Tommy notices how close they are for what must be the first time. He only looks a little embarrassed.  
　  
"Nah, that girl was never paradise. Ex-girlfriend," Tommy explains.  
　  
Girlfriend? Adam doesn't like to label or stereotype, but this guy blew him. Not gay, then; Bi? Because Adam is openly gay, he doubts anyone signing up to be in his band will feel the need to hide their sexuality.  
　  
"I'm guessing recent and bad break up?" Monte laughs.  
　  
"How did you guess? It’s not the first time we broke up, but it will be the last. I don't need that kind of drama," Tommy shrugs. He's clearly not all that broken up about the end of his relationship. Adam has never been so upbeat about a break up. His break up with Drake still hurts, even though the break up wasn't the worst. No cheating, no angry words, just too much outside pressure. He wishes he could care as little as Tommy seems to.  
　  
"Tour can be hell on a relationship. I'm lucky to have a very understanding wife." Monte's a pretty manly guy, but his whole face softens when he talks about his wife, or his family. Adam doesn't think a man could love anymore completely than Monte does. One day, he wants something like that; not the wife part, but the commitment, the love. Despite his slut phase, he's not meant for one night stands. He likes commitment and monogamy.  
　  
"Must suck being away from her, dude. I'm sort of glad to be going into this single," Tommy admits.  
　  
Monte and Tommy chat for a while about Monte's wife and past tours. Adam keeps out of it, pretends he's busy, whilst trying to work out the mystery that is Tommy Joe.  
　  
He goes home that night and jerks off in the shower thinking of pouty lips sucking him, warm brown eyes looking up at him, and black tipped nails clawing at his back when he’s inside of him. Adam comes hard and tries not to feel like a pervert. He's objectifying a member of his band, someone who is technically his employee, and someone he hopes to be friends with. He hadn't really talked to Tommy the first time they met, but this time around he has, and the guy is sweet, smart, laid back, and seems genuine. Adam hates fake people, he's had enough of them for a lifetime and doesn’t plan to have to deal with that from band members, in his own band. The guy likes Velvet Goldmine, wears glitter, but loves Manson. He has a lot more tattoo's than Adam remembers; he kind of wants to lick them.  
　  
He sort of fails at not objectifying his new bass player.  
　


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past comes back to haunt Tommy

Tommy POV.  
　  
When his cousin had suggested he try out for Adam Lambert's band, he had no fucking clue who Adam Lambert was. He'd gone because he liked the way his cousin described the guy’s voice; sounded cool and the call center was draining the life out of him. The second he saw Adam Lambert, he recognized him, and not because he'd caught some of Idol when Mike’s last girlfriend used to put it on. At first, he thinks he might get away with it; he's changed, Adam's changed less, but they’re both different people. It was a quick drunken hook up in a club, shouldn't be that memorable for out and proud Adam. Tommy remembers; desperate to get over an ex, throwing himself at the first guy he saw that he was attracted enough to that he could consider being with him. It’s easy for him to appreciate a good looking guy, but it’s rare for him to be turned on all that much by a guy. Desperate as well to show himself that he could be with a guy, half of him had hoped being with another guy would help him forget his ex, but nothing worked. He just tried his best not to think about him or how things had been between them. He knows Adam remembers him when Adam looks at him whilst he's playing. Tommy has never seen so much heat in someones gaze and by the look on Adam's face, he isn't in the room with them, he's thinking about what Tommy did on his knees like the good little cocksucker he wants to forget he is.  
　  
His sexuality and their shared past doesn't come up until a week before the AMA's. They are put in a dressing room together after some show they performed on. Adam is interviewed and then the band plays a song. It’s some pre-recorded shit which Tommy thinks must be weird, answering questions like you know stuff you don't. They don't know how people will react to Adam's band and new style. The AMA performance won’t be like anything Adam did on Idol.(Tommy may have watched some stuff on YouTube after he got into the band.)  
　  
"So, I thought maybe I should mention the fact that we've met before. I didn't hire you because I expect a repeat, in case you were wondering," Adam throws it out casually, like it’s no big deal, and maybe for him it’s not. He doesn't want to assume, but he doesn't think Adam has ever had sex because he felt he had to, because he was scared not to. Tommy bites his lip to distract himself from that train of thought.  
　  
"I didn't know you were you when I auditioned. So, I wasn't hoping what I did would get me the job, in case you were wondering about that." Tommy's been offered a lot of shit in return for him getting on his knees. He's never done it, never traded sex for a favor, a job, or any-fucking-thing. He’s had sex for stupid reasons maybe, felt pressured into it or felt the need to prove something. But he's never simply traded himself to get something. In the past, sex hadn't ever really gotten him what he wanted anyway, no matter how good he was at it.  
　  
"I didn't think you were trying anything. You looked pretty surprised to see me when you started playing," Adam sounds like he means it and Tommy nods to let him know it’s cool, he believes him and isn't mad.  
　  
"So, you've said you’re straight." Adam looks at him as if he wants to say "What the hell’s up with that?" But he's too polite to do that. They have been getting on pretty well since Tommy joined the band. They have more in common than he would have thought. He already considers Adam his friend as well as his boss, even though having this past between them, unspoken, has been hard. He knows that he owes Adam an answer, but he doesn't talk about this stuff... ever. If he talks about it, he has to think about it, which is something he actively avoids.  
　  
"I don't date men or fuck them anymore. That is straight enough for most people, and I don't call myself straight. Fuck labels, I'm me," Tommy shrugs. He doesn't have a problem with gay people, he just can't see himself being with a man. He’s tried and tried to make it work before and nothing he did worked. Why risk that bullshit again?  
　  
"So, the fucking around with men in clubs was a phase? You never dated men?" Adam doesn't sound judgmental, just curious. It makes Tommy want to give him an answer that isn't total bullshit.  
　  
"I’ve dated men before, but I don't do that anymore. When I met you, I was trying out something different; bad break up." He’d wanted to see if he could do casual hook-ups. After all, that is what his ex seemed to think worked. It was made clear to him what he was good at, all that he was good for, and that was sex, not dating, and sure as hell not loving. He still remembers their break up. The words still clear even after all these years.  
　  
 _"I never thought you'd get like this, Tommy. We’re not chicks. Guys fuck, if you want ‘I love you's and all that bullshit, find a girl. You need to stop acting like we’re dating, man up and be my best friend again." _  
  
Jeremy; the first guy he had ever been with, the only guy he’s dated. Well, in his mind, it had been dating. Jeremy made it clear that he had his wires crossed. They were friends who fucked, he didn't want anything else from Tommy; sure as hell didn't want his love. Even after they broke up, he still came to Tommy for sex, and Tommy stupidly hadn't turned him away even once. It was almost a relief to lose contact with him when he left for college. A burden lifted, but out of sight wasn't out of mind, and he had to fight not to feel the weight of his past with Jeremy. Loving Jeremy hadn't worked, all it had done was get his heart broken and worse. He’s tried hooking up with men, like Adam, a handful of times. It never feels right to him. Adam has been the best of them; he's been kind, ridiculously hot, but still sweet. He gave up on hooking up with men pretty quickly. It’s obvious to him that he isn’t going to get whatever it is that he’s looking for from them. So, he started dating girls, and so far, he isn’t getting what he needs from those relationships either. He keeps fucking up.  
　  
"Bad break-up with a guy?" Adam asks, clearly not wanting to assume anything.  
　  
Tommy just nods. How can he explain Jeremy to Adam? The two men can't be more different. Adam is still best friends with an ex, he believes in love, commitment, monogamy. He wants to stay with a man, to love him, to have the sort of relationship Jeremy insisted only straight couples have. Who is he to tell Adam that it can't be like that between men? That he always thought couples who claimed differently were lying. He had believed Jeremy, his best friend, his lover, fuck-buddy; whatever. Adam would never get still sleeping with a man who dumped you, who told you not to love him because it was weak for a man to do that. Yeah, he can't tell Adam about Jeremy, he wouldn't get it. Their relationship hadn't been like what Adam thought of as a good relationship. But, Jeremy was his friend. He hadn't ever meant to hurt him with his words or actions, Tommy knows that. Jeremy even told him he didn't want to hurt him. It had been his own fault, looking for love from someone who couldn't love him that way.  
　  
"So, you stick to dating girls now?" Adam asks and Tommy’s sure it’s wishful thinking that has him hearing disappointment in Adam’s voice. He knows Adam wants a boyfriend, not some little fucked up slut who thought sleeping with the same guy long enough made it dating. He still can't believe how stupid he had been. No one knew about him and Jeremy, they never told anybody, they never went out on anything that even resembled a date. They had been friends, hung out and fooled around a lot; that was it.  
　  
"Yeah, I date girls, women, whatever. I'm not very good at relationships, but I won't run around banging groupies and cause us trouble." The last thing he needs is to see a picture of his dick on the internet. His history with both sexes is bad enough that he sees it as a real possibility. He might not be the famous one in the group, but he knows that won't stop people. Being in a band with someone famous is enough.  
　  
"Well, I don't want you thinking you can’t ever have sex, but yeah, please be careful about who you do stuff with if you do? That is all I ask. Oh, I sort of wanted to ask you something else." Adam looks almost nervous, which makes Tommy feel kind of nervous just from looking at him. Adam's generally a confidante guy so if he’s nervous, he probably has a damn good reason to feel that way.  
　  
　  
"Ask away," Tommy shrugs, figuring he might as well get it over and done with. He's pretty sure Adam isn't going to ask him to drop to his knees or something. Adam won't treat him like a sex toy, he's sure of that and that is the only thing he can't take. He'd do pretty much anything to go on tour instead of being stuck in a call center, but he doesn't think he can put out to keep his job. He spent enough years being used to go back to that. Besides, Adam’s seemed so nice and cool that finding out it’s all been a lie would suck.  
　  
"They keep saying in rehearsals for the AMA's that I need to do more, put on more of a show, so I was wondering if I could, I don't know, pull your hair or something during the song? I mess around with the dancers, but no one would expect me to yank on one of my band mates’ hair." Adam looks stressed and it’s obvious to Tommy that the criticisms during rehearsals are getting to him. Tommy knows Adam is working hard, trying to show people what he can do outside of Idol. He can see what Adam is trying to do with his music, wants to be a part of it, wants to help.  
　  
"You can pull my hair, do whatever feels right at the time, man. Grab me, whatever," Tommy offers. He's really relieved that Adam wasn't asking for anything bad, even though there is a small voice in his head that had started whispering the second he met Adam again and hasn't shut up since, reminding him about just how good it had been with Adam.  
　  
"Thanks, Tommy Joe, your the best. I just didn't want to ask last second, especially considering how we met. I didn't want you to think I thought that I'm just allowed to touch you. I'm a touchy feely guy, off stage and on, it bothers some guys. Straight guys always think I want in there pants if I touch them." Adam looks uncertain, like he's not sure if he should class Tommy as straight or not.  
　  
"I'm cool with being touched by guys... That came out wrong. Fuck, what I meant to say was, I don't see affection and sex as the same thing. A hug’s just a hug, they’re nice, doesn't mean shit, doesn't mean you want to fuck the person," Tommy blurts out. He isn't always all that great with words. But he knows how Adam feels; sometimes you want to hug people or to be physically close to them and it has nothing to do with sex. Jeremy taught him that sex and affection should be kept separate anyway, so he’s used to affection not being the same as sex and vice versa.  
　  
"So, I'm allowed to hug you? I hug all my friends and you look all little and huggable." Adam grins. It seems he believes Tommy even if he hadn't been all that clear on his thoughts on physical affection between friends.  
　  
"You can hug me," Tommy nods and Adam does, the second he finishes speaking. Tommy is a bit of a cuddle slut, all his friends know this and Adam seems thrilled by it as he pulls Tommy closer and basically snuggles into him. Tommy feels himself relax in the taller man’s arms. He feels really fucking small being held by Adam, but there is something about being held by Adam that makes him feel safe.  
　  
Adam hugs him ‘hello’ every time they meet up after that, but it’s not until the night of the AMA's that he goes to Adam first. Even though Tommy has never hugged him first, Adam doesn't act surprised, he just hugs back the same way he always does, big hands ruffling his hair a little, his breath hot on Tommy's neck, but it’s not uncomfortable.  
　  
"I'm so excited," Adam tells him while they’re still standing together, wrapped up in each other’s arms.  
　  
"I'm nervous, I've never played to a crowd this big," Tommy admits. He knows Adam knows he hasn't ever done a big gig like this, but he thinks he is doing well at hiding his nerves. Adam might not have known if he didn't say, but Tommy finds himself being honest with Adam a lot of the time. Even though he trusts Adam, he still keeps a lot of stuff to himself. But he's like that with everyone, he doubts there is any one person who knows all of his secrets.  
　  
"You'll be fine, more than fine. You’re gonna be awesome, baby," Adam promises, squeezing him a little bit tighter.  
　  
"Thanks." Tommy hides his face in Adam's chest for a few seconds; it feels like a safe place to pull himself together. Adam just pets him, lets him hide from the world for a little while and when Tommy looks up, he’s feeling a lot better. Adam is a strong person. Tommy feels like sometimes just being close enough to Adam lets him borrow a little of that strength.  
　  
He doesn't feel strong when they are walking off stage after the song. His legs feel like jelly and Adam is walking along beside him, apologizing continuously and ignoring his kind of pissed off manager. Tommy feels like he is trying to walk through quick sand, like something is pulling at him, slowing him down. He wants to talk, to tell Adam to stop saying sorry, but right now, it’s like he has lost control of his vocal cords. He isn't pissed at Adam or even afraid of what people will think. Yes, he is trying to convince everyone in his life that he is straight; and yes, having a man kiss him on national television probably won't help with that. But Tommy has been defending his sexuality ever since he first put on eyeliner, which ironically was after he stopped sleeping with men. He doesn't think there’s anything wrong with being gay. It’s like he is just bad at it or some shit; that's why he wants to be straight. He’ll stand up for anyone who is gay, though. Adam should be able to kiss whoever the hell he likes. Tommy is all for equal rights even if it doesn't effect him personally.  
　  
"Adam chill! Rock and rolls like a prostitute, you've gotta tart her up. Remember?" Tommy is glad he’s finally found his voice again. He still doesn't feel normal yet, his lips are still tingling from the bruising force of Adam's kiss. He had thought he remembered how good of a kisser Adam had been; hell, he'd considered that his memory might be exaggerating about how good it had been, especially considering he'd been drunk when they kissed last time. His memory is apparently for shit, it had been so much better than he had remembered it being.  
　  
"So, your not mad?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Nope, not mad," Tommy agrees.  
　  
"I'm mad," The manager, who's name Tommy feels like a jackass for forgetting, butts in.  
　  
"Madonna and Brittany did it; with them you could see tongue," Someone chips in helpfully making the manager scowl.  
　  
Adam puts an arm around his shoulders as they walk the rest of the way to the changing rooms and Tommy leans into his side. Whoever spoke up is right. The AMA's has seen a same sex kiss before, this shouldn't be a big deal; it’s no different. Only apparently it is; they get dropped from a few shows, including Good Morning America. Two guys kissing is somehow more offensive than two women. There are interviews; no one is talking about the music. Adam's performance seems to be an afterthought. All anyone is talking about is the kiss. People ask about him, the guy with half his hair blonde, half black. Who is he? Is he Adam's boyfriend? Tommy sees a rumour online that Adam Lambert kissed his married keyboard player, someone even heard that he has kids. Stuff like that makes him laugh, but a lot of stuff pisses him off. He hates how Adam is being attacked over something as small and stupid as a kiss. People act like he put on a sex show to a nursery school, when all he did was be himself. Tommy knows that no matter what half the people objecting say about not being homophobic, that they’re objection isn't because Adam is gay, that it isn't true. A straight kiss or a kiss between women wouldn't and hasn't caused this kind of reaction. Adam is an out gay man and that seems to make all the damn difference, turns a heat of the moment kiss into something offensive. It pisses Tommy off and he wishes he were braver, that he wasn't so messed up about his own sexuality, because then he would be able to stand up next to Adam and tell the world he was gay, bi, whatever. He doesn't do that, he lets Adam tell interviewers he's straight and single, not married with kids. He thinks maybe someone got Monte's background information when they looked for his with that one.  
　  
Tommy feels like he hasn't done enough for Adam, so when they’re all talking about what is okay to do during the shows when they are on tour, Tommy pushes Adam not to tone it down. Adam is out and proud. He sure as fuck shouldn't have to hide his sexuality or act like he isn't sexual or some shit. Which is how Adam ends up kissing him during Fever. The crowd goes wild and Adam only apologizes once. The kiss still shakes him up, not because it’s a man kissing him, he has no problem with that, but kissing Adam is like a tease, a little taste of something he could of had once upon a time, maybe still could, if he wasn't so fucked up.  
　  
After a while, Adam takes the hint and stops apologizing for the shit they get up to on stage. It’s different every night. Adam feeds off of the crowds energy and reacts how he feels he can, if the crowd seem into it he does more. Tommy never knows if he is going to get a peck on the cheek, lips, or a hell of a lot more. He's getting closer and closer to Adam and the rest of the band, but he's pretty sure none of them realize he gets turned on when he is on stage with Adam. It really doesn't help that the buzz of performing turns Adam on... a lot. Feeling his friend; his boss’ hard dick against him on stage, in front of thousands of people should not be hot, but it really fucking is. He is so glad that he can put up a good mask, otherwise everyone on tour would have figured out that all his bullshit about liking girls was just that... bullshit.  
　  
The fans and the media assume he likes men, no matter what Adam says, but the band and dancers believe him, so Tommy guesses that Adam has not mentioned anything about meeting him before the auditions and for that, Tommy is damn grateful. He knows he’s surrounded by a group of the most tolerant people he has ever met and he knows they wouldn't judge him for being gay, but closeted. He doesn't want them to know, though, to have his friends know he was just another twink in Adam's club-slut days. His family asks questions, he knew they probably would. Lisa is the first to bring it up. She's supportive before he can even get out a denial, and accepting when he insists the kiss is just for the show and not a reflection of his sexuality. He takes on his parents together. It goes smoother than he would have expected considering his mother still worries that his hair (now dyed completely blonde) and his eyeliner, which is no longer the limit of his makeup, will give the ‘wrong impression’. He can't exactly give his Mom the ‘Fuck what people think’ talk, so he takes to explaining it differently. He makes it more about the music, even though he wears it all the time. In the end, Tommy thinks she’s just glad that he’s no longer doing a job that had been destroying his soul.  
　  
Life is good; touring is more awesome than he had ever thought it would be. He even goes on holiday with Adam, meets some of his friends. He's around cool open minded people all the time and they all say how much they like him, like the fact that he's laid back, so pro-gay rights even though he is straight. It makes him feel like a fraud. He's telling people it’s okay to be gay while he hides in his closet. He tries not to think about it. He tries to get lost in the music, the fans, the world Adam creates on tour and it works, for the most part. He really should have known it wouldn't last, it never does. Losing his dad feels like nothing he can explain. Adam is amazing when he comes back to the tour. He isn't smothering, but he is always there when Tommy needs him. They spend hours just cuddling on the couch. He kind of worries about how much being around Adam helps; a friend, even a best friend shouldn't be able to make him forget the pain, even just for a little while, the way he does when he is with Adam. He doesn't have it in him to give it up though, despite it possibly being very selfish on his part. Sometimes Adam looks at him like he wants more and like he thinks Tommy is special or some shit. A part of him wants to explain to Adam how cheap he really is, not special at all, but the other part of him can't bring itself to destroy the look in Adam's eye. He likes that Adam sees him as something other than dirty, despite how they met.  
　  
　  
Adam likes to kiss; he does it a lot. Not in a whore like way, it’s more of a friendly thing. Tommy has seen the guy kiss his male and female friends all the time. So it doesn't seem weird when Adam kisses him off stage sometimes, even if it does get them looks from the Glamily. It’s not a big deal; a few kisses hello or goodnight, especially if Adam's had a drink; it’s nothing. They’re friends who just happen to both like kissing; a lot. It’s hard to keep feeding himself that lie when he's jerking off and instead of thinking about some hot girl, he ends up thinking of Adam's kisses. In his defence, the guy is really good at kissing, he could probably kiss way straighter guys than Tommy and have them at least enjoy the kiss. They have two days off and Adam manages to arrange for half his friends to meet them in some bar. There is a lot of kissing when everyone says hello. Adam gets a few looks, some almost confused, others envious. And then in the middle of some LA bar, his whole world goes to shit.  
　  
"Tommy Joe Ratliff, is that you?" He recognizes Jeremy's voice before he even turns to face him.  
　  
"Shit, it is you." Jeremy grins and that is all it takes to have Tommy rendered mute. Sure, he's not always the most talkative guy, but he was stupidly shy and quiet back when Jeremy was around.  
　  
The fucking band says hello before he does and Jeremy explains that they’re old friends, asks to borrow him and well, they all see him all the time, so of course they send him off to the bar with Jeremy. There is no way this is going to end well for him; he feels like he might puke. They’re sitting on bar stools and Jeremy has ordered them drinks before he talks again. He doesn't ask what Tommy wants to drink, but Tommy's used to him pulling shit like that. He doesn't even think to say anything about it, even though he doesn't really drink scotch on the rocks.  
　  
"You look different, man, it kind of works for you." Jeremy smiles and fuck, he hardly even looks different. Same shaggy brown hair and sharp green eyes. His shirt and jacket doing little to hide his long, lean, but muscular frame. He's still taller than Tommy, but it’s not like he had expected that to change.  
　  
"I, my mom hates it." Which is probably a stupid answer, but he can't even think straight right now. He's glad the Glamily, especially Adam, are too far away to hear anything or even really see them.  
　  
"How is your mom? Your family? Man, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I mean, I've seen you on TV, but that's not the same." He's not even sure how he feels about Jeremy watching him perform with Adam.  
　  
"She's okay, my dad passed away so it’s been hard." He tries to forget how raw the wound still is, how he feels like he never got the chance to say so much; it’s hard. He takes a drink even though the taste makes him feel sicker than he already does.  
　  
"Shit, I'm sorry." Jeremy touches his arm lightly where it rests on the bar holding his clammy glass. It takes everything in him not to flinch away from the once familiar touch.  
　  
"Thanks, man," Tommy says softly, his insides feel like broken glass whenever he talks about his dad. He needs that to go away. Adam promises him it will and Adam doesn't lie to his friends as far as Tommy's seen, even if the truth isn't what the person wanted it to be.  
　  
Jeremy starts talking then, about old times, like they’re just two old friends, catching up in a bar, ignoring a shit load of shared history. It puts Tommy on edge a little. He doesn't know how to act, but after a while and a few drinks, it’s almost easy to talk to Jeremy, to listen to his stories like he's just a friend he lost contact with.  
　  
"Hey, if your around when it happens, you should come to my wedding; my girl’s pregnant. You got a girl, Tommy Joe?" Jeremy asks and it’s so fucking like him to get hitched because he knocked a girl up. It’s exactly the way Jeremy had taught him men should be.  
　  
"Broke up with a girl before tour. And it’s hard to find someone. I mean, I'll be in another country again next week, can't risk groupies either," Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Sounds shitty, you fucking that Adam guy?" Jeremy asks casually and Tommy almost chokes on his tongue. Men have not been mentioned in a sexual way once so far tonight; it’s been hours of them talking and he'd thought if Jeremy was going to bring it up at all, he would have brought it up sooner. Apparently not.  
　  
"No, he's my boss! Were friends, I'm not dating him," Tommy hisses, like it’s a stupid idea, like he hasn't blown Adam in the past, like he doesn't think about dropping to his knees for Adam all the damn time.  
　  
"I said fucking, not dating. I mean, I know he's gay, but you’re not," Jeremy shrugs, still using the same twisted fucked up logic he had when they had been together; or not together, depending how you looked at it.__

"We’re not fucking, why do you even think that?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"No reason, just without a girlfriend and if you’re not fucking groupies, I figured you had to be getting some somewhere," Jeremy shrugs; always so damn casual. It makes Tommy feel like a fucking tool, being so nervous around him.  
　  
"Well, I'm not," Tommy spits out.  
　  
"Chill out, man, no need to be so tense." Jeremy laughs. Tommy hates when he laughs at him, like everything is always funny; his anger, his anything. If he's pissed, it’s funny, upset, funny; he hates it. Hates that he still wants to be around someone who's like this.  
　  
"I'm not tense," Tommy argues feebly. He could never argue with Jeremy or stay mad at him. They were best friends for so long and he got used to just letting his anger at Jeremy go so that he wouldn't lose him; it seems he hasn't lost the habit after all these years.  
　  
"You need to get laid, that'd relax you." Jeremy chuckles and it’s not an offer; the guy has a pregnant fiancée. He has a family, the sort of relationship he always said he would have one day. He sure as hell wouldn't fool around with guys now that he has that. Jeremy only did guys because when they were younger, it was harder to get a girl to put out. With two guys, there was no one to say no, no one who would tease. Jeremy had explained it a thousand times over.  
　  
They talk some more, well Jeremy talks and Tommy listens and the conversation never goes back to his sex life. They drink more too, and Tommy is more than a little buzzed when Jeremy gets to his feet and grabs Tommy's hand, dragging him to the men's room.  
　  
　  
"Jeremy," Tommy snaps, glad that the bathroom’s empty. The fewer people who see him being pulled around like a child, the better.  
　  
"What do you say, Tommy Joe? How about you blow me, for old times sake," Jeremy smirks.  
　  
He means to say no at the very least, to tell Jeremy to go fuck himself, he doesn't do that shit any more, but the words die in his throat somehow and he lets Jeremy lead him into one of the bathroom's empty stalls. Tommy's on his knees before he even realizes it. Looking up at Jeremy gives him the weirdest sense of deja vu he has ever felt. Adam may kiss people all the time, but this is what Tommy has done a thousand times before; it’s so familiar. He opens Jeremy's jeans on auto pilot, but then he freezes up.  
　  
"I'm not sure we should do this, you’re getting married. I don't fool around with men anymore." The fact that he's on his knees in front of a guy in a men's room, takes a lot of the power from his words.  
　  
"Jesus, Tommy. Don't be such a girl about it. It’s not cheating; it’s just friends helping each other out. My girl is not putting out right now, forget blow jobs. And I'm not men, Tommy, I'm your friend. Worried your new friends will find out? They won't fucking care, that singer guy’s gay. I could tell them." Said so damn casually, but Tommy can hear the threat buried in the words; do this or he will tell everyone what they did together. Tommy can't have Adam finding out what a stupid slut he was. Fuck, Jeremy could tell anyone anything, go to the media about Adam Lambert's straight bass player, tell them how he sucks dick. One glance up at those emerald green eyes and that smirk and Tommy knows Jeremy is thinking about it, the trouble he could cause. Starting by spilling his secrets to everyone sitting out in the bar, ending fuck knows where. Adam knows he experimented with guys, thinks it was a phase. He has no clue about Jeremy or the shit Tommy did and he needs it to stay that way.  
　  
"You don't tell anyone, okay?" Tommy means to growl the words, but they come out as begging somehow. Fitting really, what with him on his knees and all.  
　  
"Of course, Tommy Joe, you’re my friend. I don't want people getting the wrong idea, giving you shit about being a fag. I mean, I remember how your dad felt about that shit, it'd probably upset your Mom if rumours got out about you. She doesn't need that right now, I won't let that happen." The idea of his mom finding out is like a kick in the gut. His parents weren't homophobic, they didn't hate gay people, but he had grown up knowing it was something they would prefer not being in their family. Life could be harder when you were gay, they just didn't want their kids to have to go through that; facing hatred, discrimination. They wanted their children to have an easy life. Tommy doesn't know what to think anymore, Jeremy's talking like he wants to protect him, like he'll keep what they had together a secret for his benefit, but at the same time, it sounds like he's being threatened, like Jeremy will out him if he doesn't do this now. He wishes he hadn't drank, that he had a clear enough head to work this out. Maybe he's being stupid, reading into things. Jeremy wouldn't threaten him or blackmail him, they grew up together. Tommy feels shitty for even thinking it.  
　  
Jeremy is petting his hair gently, encouragingly. He might not care about Tommy the way he had wanted him to in the past, but Jeremy does care about him. He always said he did and he was always around; his best friend. Doing this, it’s just two friends helping each other through a dry spell, it’s not that bad of a thing to do. They used to do it all the time. Jeremy's right, that he's tense, getting worked up during every show and then only having his hand for a little relief. It might be nice to get off with someone else for once, instead of the hollow orgasms he's been having alone. Maybe doing this will make him feel better, he's felt so disconnected since his dad passed, being with someone, being intimate might fix him.  
　  
He pulls Jeremy out, licks the tip and the second his mouth is open, Jeremy thrusts, pushing too far too fast and it’s been a while since he did this and he gags. Jeremy doesn't stop, he holds onto Tommy's hair so that he can't pull back. Adam was bigger than Jeremy, but he'd been in practice then and Adam hadn't tried to fuck his face. He really doesn't want to think about Adam whilst he is choking on some other guy’s dick. He pushes at Jeremy's thighs and he relents a little, but it doesn't feel right at all and Tommy fights till he can pull back.  
　  
"What the fuck are you stopping for, Tommy? Teasing isn't cute with chick's, and it sure as fuck isn't cute with you. You know this shit you’re pulling isn't fair, you don't get a friend going and then blue ball them!" Jeremy hisses angrily. It makes Tommy think of all the times he has felt Adam hard on stage and got a secret little thrill out of knowing he caused it. Adam admits he turns him on, but never asks for anything and Tommy never offers. He is such a cock tease, why does he do this to his friends? He is such a fuck up at relationships, not just dating but friendships too. He doesn't want the people he cares about to be mad at him and Jeremy always meant so much to him, surely Tommy can give him this? Make things right with at least one friend.  
　  
"Just needed a second, it’s been a while." Which is all true, even if it hadn't been why he stopped.  
　  
"Shit, sorry, man. I'll take things easier," Jeremy promises, so Tommy goes back to work, trying to remember how to do this. He's done it enough times in the past, he knows he's good at it. He licks, sucks, works his tongue in ways that has Jeremy cursing. Tommy wishes he'd cut out saying half the shit he is, talking about what a "Good cocksucker" he is and how this is "All he's good for". Jeremy always said shit like that, they used to argue over it a dozen times a week, but he doesn't want to fight, doesn't want to bitch after he's already made a big deal out of this. Jeremy isn't even being that rough anymore, he only gags a few times. Tommy notices the rhythm of Jeremy's hips change and the taste of his dick getting stronger and manages to pull back before Jeremy cums. Fucker never warns him, even though Tommy told him it wasn't safe for him to be swallowing when Jeremy was going with other people. He's saved from a mouthful of cum, but it does hit him in the face. He's scrambling to clean off his face and Jeremy's lighting up(some cliques never change) when Tommy hears a gasp. He turns to see that the hastily closed cubical door has come open and Jeremy hadn't bothered to stop him for a second and re-close it. He would hate for anybody to catch him on his knees, Jeremy knows that and of course it isn't just anybody. No, it’s Brad, Adam's ex of all fucking people.  
　  
"Friend of yours, Tommy Joe? I'll leave you to it." Jeremy, that complete and utter bastard, just throws his cigarette down the toilet and walks right past Tommy, who is still on his knees cleaning his face and then past Brad who is staring, mouth hanging open. Jeremy is gone before Tommy even manages to scramble to his feet, throwing away the tissue and hoping he hasn't missed any.  
　  
"Oh my God. I knew it, there was no way you were straight! Not with the way you act with Adam, the stuff you let him do. I mean, Adam knows right? I mean, he has to," Brad bursts out and he sounds excited.  
　  
Tommy can feel his heart racing in his throat, he's going to be sick. He has never been caught with a guy before and now Brad has seen Jeremy and there is no way he won't tell. Tommy's secret is about to get blown out of the water and the second Brad starts telling people, it'll spread. People talk; it'll reach Twitter or something and then his mom will know he's gay and Adam will know he's a slut. Fuck, he's on the edge of having a panic attack, but he can't stop it, can't calm himself down. He has just fucked his life up, he doesn't know how to fix this. It’s so much worse than his normal fuck ups, like the never ending stream of failed relationships. They can't damage his life like this, they just disappoint his mom. She is going to be way beyond disappointed if this gets out.  
　  
"Your boyfriend’s kind of a dick, though. I mean, he just left. No reciprocation, you must be hard. Wait those jeans are pretty tight, you’re not hard and no cum stain, so you didn't cum in your pants; too drunk to get it up?" Brad rambles on, apparently unaware of the fact that Tommy is freaking the fuck out. He hadn't been hard during any part of tonight, hadn't got off on getting Jeremy off, hadn't wanted it; he just needed to do it, so of course he isn't hard and not getting back what he's given is normal five or more out of ten times with Jeremy. He doesn't cum, that's just the way it is sometimes.  
　  
"He's not my boyfriend," Tommy blurts out, like that makes this better somehow. It doesn't, it’s worse; he knows that. But Jeremy is his friend. He stuck around when he didn't have to, when he could of had other friends; Tommy owes him. It’s just a blowjob, didn't mean anything. It’s just sex and sex is something you can do with friends without it meaning anything. Only, he hasn't been Jeremy's friend for a long time and it used to mean something to Tommy, even after he was told it shouldn't.  
　  
"I guess that makes sense. Adam would have mentioned you having a secret boyfriend. Some guy getting all pissed over Adam playing with you on stage. I mean, Adam knows right?" Brad asks and something in Tommy's face clearly gives him away because Brad’s eyes go wide.  
　  
"He doesn't know?" Brad asks.  
　  
Tommy doesn't know what to say, he's desperately trying not to be sick; he hates the taste of Jeremy in his mouth.  
　  
"Tommy? I'm gonna go ask Adam about that guy, seen as you’re acting so weird about your not boyfriend." Brad turns, goes to walk away and it’s enough to unfreeze his muscles. He grabs Brad's arm before the other man takes even a step.  
　  
"Please, Brad, don't," Tommy forces out.  
　  
"Let go of my arm," Brad sounds pissed and Tommy notices how hard he's gripping and lets go of Brad's arm like it’s on fire. He didn't mean to be so rough, Brad's a small guy and yeah, Tommy's small, but he has enough muscles in his arms from playing that he could have hurt Brad; another fuck up to add to the list.  
　  
"What the hell is wrong with you, Tommy? Why are you insisting you’re straight, when you’re clearly not. You might get away with being the straight guy who kisses a man on stage, but blowing someone in a bathroom? That isn't for any audience’s benefit," Brad frowns, hands on hips. Tommy really hopes he hasn't hurt Brad’s arm. He doesn't like hurting people and he knows how hard it is to cover bruises on your arms. Jeremy left enough hand prints on his arms and the rest of him back when they had been together; for lack of a better word. He knows it’s hard to make a believable lie up about bruises like that if they are seen.  
　  
"I'm sorry about your arm. I didn't mean to," Tommy says softly. His jaw aches. The feeling is familiar and foreign at the same time. It’s a feeling he's felt a hundred times over, but it’s been so long, he'd almost forgotten.  
　  
"Christ, Tommy! It’s not like you hit me," Brad snorts, like he's being ridiculous. Tommy would never hit Brad. He knows how that feels, thanks to Jeremy, as well. Again, something must show in his face, because Brad comes closer, till he is in the stall with Tommy. He's frowning, whilst all Tommy can think is he really hopes Adam doesn't walk in and see this.  
　  
"Tell me I'm being stupid, but that guy, he never hit you right?" Brad asks and he's looking at Tommy's face carefully, inspecting it for bruises he's guessing after that question.  
　  
"We were friends, it happens. Guys get mad, hit each other when they argue. It's normal, Brad," Tommy mutters. He didn't think lying would work here. He's too open right now, easily read. He needs to close up again, put his armour up so he'll be able to deal with all the shit that will come his way.  
　  
"Its not normal if you were dating! That's abuse, did you ever hit back?" Brad asks and fuck him for seeing through Tommy's flimsy explanation. If he had hit back maybe it could be seen as just two guys fighting, but he never had. He'd loved Jeremy, he couldn't hit him.  
　  
"I'll take that as a no. I'm going to go tell that asshole what I think of him," Brad fumes and Tommy can see it now. Brad out in the bar, yelling at Jeremy and everyone knowing he let a guy who hit him fuck him, buried the memories, acted like he thought it was just normal fighting, boys will be boys and all that bullshit.  
　  
"No, Brad, please leave it, just leave it. No one needs to know, it was years ago," Tommy pleads.  
　  
"Tommy, I just saw you go down on the guy, like not ten minutes ago. It’s clearly not over or in the past. I don't think he's the sort of ex you should be fucking around with," Brad frowns.

"I won't, not again, it was a one off. We haven't spoken in years. He's not even an ex, we’re not gay, I won't meet him again, it's not like I wanted this, liked it, I just had to," Tommy yells, feeling bile rising in his throat and having to swallow it down, lest he be sick. He doesn't want Brad to see that, to see how messed up Jeremy gets him. It never changes, it should have, he's an adult now, but it hasn't.  
　  
"Okay, I don't know were to start with the ‘fucked up’ in that sentence. Blowing men makes you gay or bi, being blown by a man also makes you gay or bi. And if you didn't like it, why do it? What do you mean ‘had to’?" Brad is right and it’s too much. Tommy spins around and just makes it to the toilet in time before he's back on his knees, throwing up.  
　  
"Oh Hun, are you drunk?" Brad asks, patting his back gently as he heaves; it’s kind of nice, something only his mom has ever done for him.  
　  
"Little bit," Tommy admits once he can talk. His head is spinning so he doesn't get up. He moves so his back is against one of the stall walls and brings his knees up to his chest. Brad hovers in a crouch next to him; he looks uncertain now.  
　  
"Are you always drunk when you go with men?" Brad asks.

"No, and it’s not really men, not really, just him." Jeremy is the only man he did anything with more than once, and he can count his hook ups on one hand.  
　  
"Tommy, please tell me what you meant by ‘had to’?" Brad pleads gently.  
　  
"He would have told everyone about me if I didn't," Tommy whispers, and fuck he can feel the wet tracks running down his face, too much to blame on his eyes watering from being sick. Shit, he had thought he was over crying because of Jeremy. It’s something he hasn't done in almost longer than he can remember.  
　  
He hears a thump and then Brad is right next to him, back to the wall, ass on the dirty bathroom floor despite his undoubtedly expensive clothes. He's closed the stall door as well. Tommy hadn't notice him doing that, too busy making serious eye contact with his feet, like that will change the fact that he's in a men's room bathroom stall, sitting on the floor having just blown a guy and thrown up, crying like a damn girl. Jeremy would get so pissed if he'd seen this. Men weren’t meant to cry over shit like this; he should suck it up, but he can't. It’s all too much. Brad puts an arm around his shoulder, gentle, comforting, hugging him a little. It kind of makes him cry harder, he doesn't deserve Brad’s kindness.  
　  
"He would have outed you?" Brad asks after a few minutes in which the only sounds in the room are the small noises Tommy makes whilst trying to stop his stupid tears.  
　  
"Kind of, he says it’s not gay, it never was, just friends looking after each other. I thought it was more in the beginning, but I was wrong. He never meant for me to get confused. But I guess we’re not really friends anymore and he might tell everyone all the shit we did together." Tommy thinks maybe if he treats Jeremy like the friend he was in their past, he'll act the same way and not tell anyone what they’re doing.  
　  
"He sounds like a fucked up twisted person," Brad growls.  
　  
"No, Jeremy is normal. He went to college, he's getting married, having a family. I'm the one who's too fucked up to do any of that." Tommy can't get a relationship to work, can't make anyone want to stay.  
　  
"Baby no, that man has screwed with your head. There is nothing wrong with you, you hear me?" Brad says firmly.  
　  
Tommy doesn't answer, he doesn't believe him. If he wasn't fucked up, he wouldn't be here. Brad sits with him till he gets the tears under control and then he goes and gets some wet tissue, brings it back to clean Tommy up with.  
　  
"Please don't tell Adam about Jeremy. I'll do anything you want," Tommy begs. Brad is being sweet to him, looking after him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't plan to go to Adam and tell him the gossip about his supposedly straight bassist.  
　  
"If I asked you to blow me in return for not telling you would, wouldn't you?" Brad asks and from the horrified look on his face, Tommy has a feeling he won't be asking for that.  
　  
Tommy nods, no point lying, it’s not like Brad hasn't already seen what a slut he is. He might not have traded sex to get what he wants before, but he would trade it in exchange for Brad's silence.  
　  
"He really fucked you up, didn't he?" Brad says before pulling him in for a hug. They've spent time together before, because of Adam and yeah, they’re kind of friends, but Brad’s never hugged him like this before. Tommy nods again, for once he's actually admitting to someone else how messed up he is. He hopes that admitting to it helps him, that he can start fixing himself now, but he doesn't think it'll change much of anything.  
　  
"Adam can't know, please. I know he's your ex, your best friend, I know you don't keep shit from him, but please. I know you hardly know me, but please," Tommy begs while they hug.  
　  
"Shhh it’s okay, I won't say anything about this, but why is it Adam you don't want to know, you've only mentioned him," Brad points out, drawing back to look in Tommy's face.  
　  
"I don't want anyone to know about Jeremy, but Adam, I told him I experimented with guys, but he has no idea about Jeremy. You saw how I looked, Brad, nothing but a cheap slut. I don't want Adam to see me like that. He's so fucking good and kind, he'll never get why I'd fuck some guy who treats me like shit," Tommy tries to explain.  
　  
"Adam is pretty amazing, but that shit blackmailed you. He sounds like a real asshole, and you’re not a slut. Adam won't ever think that, honey. But still, I won't tell him and if you want to talk, were friends right? You can talk to me," Brad offers.  
　  
Tommy almost tears up again at that offer. He hugs Brad closer again, mumbling his thanks and then Brad proves what a great friend he can be. He leads Tommy back to the bar, tells everyone that Mr Ratliff has had one too many and Brad himself is tired, so he'll take him home. Somehow Tommy ends up outside having skipped the normal goodbye hugs and kisses. He's glad, he wouldn't have held it together through all of that. Brad even takes him home. He doesn't make Tommy talk, but he does hold his hand and he puts his number in Tommy's phone with strict instructions to call if he needs anything, at anytime, no matter how big or small the problem is or even if he just wants to talk to someone who knows about Jeremy. Tommy is so grateful; he has never talked about it, never wanted to most the time, but the option was never there if he wanted it. He never thought he would find that in Brad.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam get's jealous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer; I own nothing but the plot

Adam POV  
　  
Amsterdam is amazing; Adam loves it. He possibly over does it on booze and weed. Twitter pretty much explodes after his performance, mainly because he sort of molests Tommy on stage. He can’t keep his hands off of the blonde. He even kisses him off stage. They were back stage and he pulled Tommy into his arms, kissed him long and slow and just like on stage, Tommy had melted against him. Now though, Adam finds himself going to Tommy and Isaac's room to talk. Last night, he's pretty sure if he had pushed his luck, Tommy would have come back to his room with him. He hadn't acted on it, as high and horny as he was; he had known Tommy was pretty damn out of it. He wouldn't take advantage of anyone like that.  
　  
After he knocks and convinces Tommy to come to breakfast, they head down together. Tommy shuffling along beside him, wearing the first pair of jeans he could find, an over sized hoodie, sunglasses that hide half his face, and a pair of Isaac's flip-flops because he couldn't find his shoes. He looks pretty much adorable and Adam wants to hug him a lot, so he puts his hands in his pocket, so that he won't be tempted. He has such shitty will power. Being stoned around Tommy was probably a bad idea. He's been trying to respect the fact that Tommy doesn't do men any more. He values his friendship with Tommy over his crush.  
　  
They sit down at a table in the hotels restaurant and Adam has to convince Tommy to order something other than coffee. After about ten minutes, he convinces him to order him a bacon sandwich. Which really isn't healthy, but it’s food and he's hungover, so Adam won't judge him for it or nag; he's nagged enough.  
　  
"So last night, I took things a little far," Adam starts after the coffee gets there. He knows talking to Tommy before he's had any coffee in the morning is pointless.  
　  
　  
"I gave you permission to do what you liked on stage and we were high, man." Tommy shrugs. He's pretty much hiding in his hoodie, just his fingers peaking out of the sleeves as he holds his coffee cup.  
　  
"I know, but I kissed you backstage as well," Adam points out.  
　  
"Well yeah, but we were high and we’re both pretty touchy feely, so I wouldn't stress about it, man. We made out a little, it’s not a big deal." Tommy shrugs, eyes not quite meeting Adam's.  
　  
Adam had never thought of himself as a coward, but in that moment, he so is. He chickens out, lets it go. He acts like he just did it because of the weed and booze. He acts like the only reason Tommy went along with it was because the blonde was drunk and high. He doesn't call Tommy on the fact that he damn well would have put out if Adam had pushed. He sort of wishes he had. It had been so good with Tommy that one time in the club, but he's not about to use his friend as a sex toy, so he leaves it. After a while, he almost forgets it even happened or maybe he imagined Tommy's reaction to him. It gets easier when during one of their breaks, he meets a guy. Rick is cute, sweet, and totally his type. He's small; short really, tucks right under Adam's arm. Rick is a reasonably successful model. His career is doing well enough that Adam is almost a hundred percent sure that he isn't just interested in Adam for his fame.  
　  
They stay together even when he goes back on tour; Rick is travelling for photo shoots anyway. It’s surprisingly easy for a long distance relationship, it’s not like an epic love story, but it’s comfortable. He's happy, the sex is good, and Rick is easy to be with. Rick doesn't even give him shit for kissing Tommy on stage. He gets why they do it, sees that the fans love it. Adam is glad it isn't something that has to be a big deal between them. Rick even says he has a bit of a crush on Tommy, thinks the blonde is hot; he doesn't get pissed when Adam agrees. The tour is going well, he's touring the world with people he loves, getting to play his own music and he has a low maintenance boyfriend that he sees whenever he can. They’re in Paris for the tour at the same time as Rick is there for a shoot; he books into the same hotel as Adam. After the concert, he gets back to the hotel and Rick jumps in the shower with him. Adam has no complaints about being blown in the shower or the few rounds of sex that night. Rick comes to breakfast with him and seems to fit in pretty well. He notices Tommy is on his phone all through breakfast and keeps smirking at it. He would ask Tommy as one of his best friends, what he thought of Rick, but they didn't speak beyond saying hello, so there isn't much point. Monte says he seems nice, though, and Adam has always valued Monte's opinions, ever since their Citizen Vein days.  
　  
They’re on the last leg of the European tour before they have a few weeks off when Adam gets a re-tweet. It’s from Brad to Tommy and some fan thinks he might want to see. He shows his phone to Sutan who had been doing his makeup, ready for some interview.  
　  
"Brad is teasing Tommy, so what?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"Cheeks and Tommy hardly know each other. They talk on Twitter like they’re best friends, when did I miss that happening?" Adam asks. He knows Tommy and Brad wouldn't pretend to like each other on any form of social media for any reason.  
　  
"I don't know when it happened, Adam, but I know they’re friends. They talk a lot, not just on Twitter. Last time I did Tommy's makeup, Brad called to chat. I thought you knew and would be happy. I mean, you like it when all your friends are friends with each other," Sutan points out, which is true. Adam is sort of known for forcing his social groups together, but Sutan was wrong, he hadn't known about their friendship.  
　  
　  
　  
"I didn't know, neither of them mentioned it." Adam shrugs. He talks to Tommy everyday and Brad every other week. Neither of them has mentioned anything about it. Adam feels jealous and he's not sure why. Brad is his ex, but they’re past that, they’re friends and Tommy is just his friend. Also, he has Rick, so envying their friendship seems petty and weird.  
　  
"Aw, is your brain exploding over the idea of two of your favourite pretty boys together? Friends cuddling, maybe kissing," Sutan taunts.  
　  
"That isn't funny. I'd say they’re friends and they won't do that stuff, but you know our social group; kissing and hugging is so a possibility, but I'm not objectifying my ex and my bass player." Well, at least not much.  
　  
"Calm down, sweetie, it’s okay to find them hot. Pretty is pretty, even if one of them is straight," Sutan laughs.  
　  
Adam sulks till he changes the subject. He knows he and Rick aren't that serious, so it’s not that. But he doesn't feel comfortable getting off to the idea of Brad and Tommy. He cares about both of them. It makes him feel a little dirty when he can so clearly picture them together. The worst part isn't the fact that he finds it hot, but he can't explain to Sutan that he is jealous. He's not even sure which of the two men he is jealous of, maybe both of them, he doesn't know. He calls Rick up, chats, asks how he is and about his work; flirts. He has a boyfriend; he's happy, he isn't jealous, he can convince himself of that for a little while maybe; Rick distracts him. It reminds Adam that he has a boyfriend, that things are pretty good between them, that he doesn't want to ruin what he has by being stupid.  
　  
He goes to his interview and then back to the bus. When he gets there, Tommy is laid out on his back on the sofa. He looks so sweet; whenever he's on the bus for a long time, he wears comfy over sized clothes. It’s adorable and kind of hot at the same time. When he's dressed like that, Adam just wants to hug him. Normally he would, but Tommy is on the phone. Looks like he is finally seeing what Sutan mentioned. Tommy on the phone talking to Brad. Tommy throws his head back; he's laughing and it’s breath taking. Christ, maybe Adam does know who he is jealous of. He's over Brad, has been for a long time, but he does have a crush on Tommy and it still hasn't gone away. He thought it had, but it hasn't.  
　  
Tommy waves, asks if he wants to say hello, but Adam shakes his head and heads back to his room. He is so fucked, he needs to get passed this crush before it fucks up his friendship with Tommy and the tour. Adam calls Rick more often after that, and he tries to put a little distance between him and Tommy. Rick asks if he's getting homesick, promises to schedule some time off from work so that they get to see each other when Adam gets home. Tommy doesn't ask him anything, but before one of the shows, Sutan hits him in the back of the head lightly, Monte calls him a moron, both Taylor and Isaac seem to be ignoring him. Finally, Brooke tells him that everyone has noticed him ignoring Tommy and they think it’s shitty. Adam kisses Tommy twice that night, hoping Tommy takes it as the apology that it is.

They’re heading back home before Adam even expected it. He's glad for the break, tour is so tiring. He needs a break, but he always misses performing and the people, his Glamily means a lot to him. The last night before the break, they all stay up together. They get drunk, they talk, there are lots of hugs and promises to meet up even though it’s only a few weeks. Rick meets him at his house, it’s pretty much the perfect welcome home. He's happy; he needs to not fuck this up.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeremy returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta@ i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Tommy POV  
　  
The first week he has off, he sleeps a lot and visits his Mom and Lisa. He doesn't do much else till the second week. He loves tour, but he needs a solid week sleeping in his own bed. Once he's had that, well as close as he is going to get considering his insomnia, he decided to go out. Most of his friends outside the Glamily have normal jobs with normal hours, so he doesn't ask anyone to meet him; instead, he goes out alone, wandering around the shops. It’s nice knowing that if he does want to buy stuff, he can probably afford it. His bank balance is the best it has ever been. The security is kind of nice, makes him feel like more of an adult instead of some loser with a crappy job, living off his parents. He knows they don't see it that way, that his family never thought that. They knew he was trying, went as far to get a call center job that he hated and where his employers hated him. He doesn't even know how he got the job. But now, he's in a real band, playing gigs so much bigger than some dive bar, he is being paid to do what he loves, it’s what he always wanted, the realization has him in a pretty good mood.  
　  
He should know to expect it to go wrong, it’s the way it works for him these days, but he wasn't expecting things to go quiet as wrong as he knows they will the second he goes up the stairs leading to his apartment only to see Jeremy leaning against the wall by his door. His brain screams at him to run even as he walks closer; his feet aren't fucking listening, shit.  
　  
"Hi, Tommy." Like it’s normal for him to be here.  
　  
"Um, hi, Jeremy. How did you know I live here?" Tommy hadn't given the other man his address at the bar. He knows he didn't, wasn't drunk enough to be that stupid.  
　  
"Oh, I called your Mom. She was happy to help, she remembered me." Jeremy had been in and out of Tommy's house as much as he had been as a kid. Of course his Mom remembered him, thought he was a friend Tommy would be pleased to see.  
　  
"Right." Tommy doesn't know what to do, part of him is angry at his Mom for giving Jeremy his address, but how could she know not to? Tommy had never told her what happened between him and Jeremy, before the older boy went to college and Tommy had thought he would be out of his life for good. He's scared as well about what Jeremy could have said to his Mom, about how he had got back in touch, so to speak, with Tommy, but then he doubts his Mom would just give a guy his address if the guy said something like that.  
　  
"Gonna invite me in? I came all this way to see you, Tommy, don't be forgetting your manners now." Jeremy's smile is tight and doesn't reach his eyes. It puts Tommy on edge, he feels wary as he goes to the door and fucking unlocks it. He's going to let Jeremy inside, all because he's afraid of what someone might see if they stay in the hallway. No way Jeremy just felt the need to drop by and hang out.  
　  
They walk into his apartment and Tommy doesn't know if he should be relieved or not that Mike isn't home. If he were, the T.V would be on, no matter what room he was in, his shoes would be kicked off by the door and the whole place would smell of coffee. Tommy could use a drink of something a little stronger than coffee right now.  
　  
Jeremy crowds him up against the wall by the door before he even thinks to move away. Jeremy's very presence has a way of making him feel off balance and it’s so hard to think straight around him, it always was. He doesn't know what to do, how to make it so he's not pinned to a wall, in the cage of Jeremy's arms, the other man's body too close to his. This is his apartment, he should be safe here, he should be in charge for once. But as much as it's his space, his territory, for lack of a better word, Jeremy is still the one who makes the rules between them, that obviously hasn't changed over the years. Tommy doesn't know how to change it, not even now that he doesn't love Jeremy any more. A part of his heart tries to love him still, claims it’s friendship, but Tommy knows better now and stomps down on old feelings that never quiet left him.  
　  
Jeremy puts a hand on his jaw, goes to kiss him. The move is too much like Adam during fever and Tommy doesn't want those memory's tainted by this, so he ducks his head. When he looks up, he can tell Jeremy is pissed that he avoided the kiss. The fist to his stomach isn't a surprise exactly, but it still catches him off guard and he doesn't do anything to defend himself. He likes to think he would have done something if he had seen the blow coming, but a mocking voice in his head thinks differently, doesn't think he'd have broken the habit of a life time now and stood up to Jeremy. He's holding his stomach, gasping from the pain and Jeremy is helping him stand up straight, rubbing gently where it hurts. He's asking if Tommy is okay, talking to him softly, no heat in his voice, the anger Tommy had seen in his eyes before the punch completely gone. He can't find a trace of it and it makes him feel like it was never there, like he somehow imagined being hit, but the pain is there and it wasn't rough housing, going to far(again). Jeremy had been angry with him and hit him out of anger and now he's comforting him? What the fuck? Tommy doesn't know what he should think or do.  
　  
"Shh, Tommy. It’s okay, come on, it’s okay," Jeremy says softly, moving closer and closer till the full length of his body is pressing into Tommy and pressing him into the wall. It's not okay though, he knows it’s not okay. It’s not in any way, shape, or form okay, but Jeremy's calm now and he doesn't want to make him angry again, he never liked it when Jeremy was angry.  
　  
Jeremy just holds him for a while, petting at his skin like he's some sort of frightened animal that he's trying not to spook. He keeps talking, it’s a jumble of shit he's heard before, how hot he is, how much Jeremy needs him, how no one understands him like Tommy does. They get each other, Jeremy tells him, but Tommy doesn't think they do. Within the jumble of words he can hear an undercurrent, Jeremy talks about being the only one who knows all his secrets, has seen this side of him, no one else knows and Tommy is so sure he knows what that means. Jeremy knows his biggest secret and he can tell it anytime he wants, so Tommy better not file charges or tell anyone about Jeremy hurting him. He had better do as he is told, keep Jeremy happy, not make him mad again. He's seen that bad shit happens when he gets Jeremy angry, so he should do whatever it takes to keep him calm and happy.  
　  
Tommy isn't even a bit surprised when he feels pressure on his shoulders, encouraging him somewhat forcefully to get to his knees. He is pretty sure Jeremy could make him kneel if he wanted to and if Tommy makes him make him, well he knows it'll get ugly. He hates how conflicted Jeremy makes him feel. He hates him, hate this, but a part of him doesn't hate him, it really isn't love anymore, he's sure of that, but it's not hate. He's trapped in some weird in-between place. It feels similar to when he'd been dating a girl and she’d end it, even if he hadn't been that invested in the relationship and he never is. He feels like so much has been left unsaid, that things should be different. Jeremy broke up with him, even if he didn't see it that way, and Tommy never really got to say anything about it. He went back to being Jeremy's friend without a word, putting out on demand in some pathetic attempt to win him back.  
　  
Tommy thinks if he got up now and yelled at Jeremy for every single shitty thing he ever did, it would make him feel a lot better. Right up until Jeremy kicked his ass and then went to the media about him. His past as Jeremy can paint it to them is not pretty, and even if some people didn't believe him? Well, dirt sticks to you once it’s been thrown, he would never be free from the rumors. His mom would want to know why Jeremy was lying about him, would remember how often they were alone together and she'd know what a slut he was, not to mention the gay thing. The press would hound his family, asking if it was true. They didn't need that kind of stress right now, or ever. Adam, it always came back to Adam. Tommy had blown him in an ally, it wouldn't be hard for him to believe everything Jeremy said and then he would be disgusted and Tommy would lose him.  
　  
It’s harder to do sober, being drunk at the club had helped him do this. He's stone cold sober now and he's on his knees in his and Mike's apartment with a guy’s dick in his hand. At first, Jeremy behaves, just lets Tommy lick and suck, but it doesn't last and it’s not long before he's thrusting too hard and too fast. Tommy tries to fight a little, not trying to make him stop, just wants him to hold off a little. It's impossible though, he's up against the wall, no room to move and Jeremy has a hand gripping either side of his face. He fucks Tommy's mouth; it hurts, the pain suddenly flaring at one point when Jeremy's rough thrust busts open his lower lip. The blowjob’s wetter after that, a little slicker, messier, and every single thrust stings like a bitch. When Jeremy comes, the hatred he has for the taste and the anger over not being given any other choice but swallowing, it’s all out weighed by the relief that it’s over. That is, until Jeremy starts running his mouth as he tucks away his dick and zips up.  
　  
"Make sure you buy some lube and condoms. I'll swing by soon, we can have a bachelor party. Oh, do you need a date for the wedding or should I get my girl, Sara, to fix you up with somebody? She's got some hot single friends and cousins," Jeremy offers, like they’re gonna go for beers or something the night before his wedding, not meet up to fuck.  
　  
"I can find a date," Tommy forces the words out, and fuck his voice, it’s all horse and shit.  
　  
"Cool man, I'll be back like next week?" Jeremy shrugs, ruffles Tommy's hair and then walks out of the apartment, leaving Tommy on his knees again, this time with a split lip that's still bleeding.  
　  
The second he hears the door close, he's up on his feet. He goes straight to his room, grabs the biggest bag he owns and starts throwing clothes into the bag. No way is he being here when Jeremy comes back. He has to get out, go somewhere the other man can't find him. He leaves a note for Mike, he doesn't want to talk right now, and takes a taxi to a hotel, paranoid that Jeremy would know his car and somehow follow him or find him that way. The taxi driver didn't talk to him when Tommy handed money over up front and asked for a quiet ride, and he was grateful for that. He got to a hotel and paid for a suite; the benefits of money, if you paid enough, no one asked questions. Tommy doesn't unpack, he leaves his bags in the corner and gets on the bed, only just remembering to kick his shoes off. He calls his Mom to let her know he isn't at home, to just call his cell if she needs him. He doesn't explain why. His phone starts buzzing and he would have ignored it, but then he sees Brad’s name on the display.  
　  
"Brad." Tommy can feel himself cracking inside. Now that he’s alone and safe, the walls start crumbling and he can feel the tears coming.  
　  
Crying like a girl. Jesus, man up, Tommy!  
　  
Jeremy's voice in his head makes him scrunch his eyes closed, trying to banish the memory and his tears, crying always made him feel so weak.  
　  
"Hi, Tommy. Is it okay if I swing by, I have something for you," Brad says cheerily.  
　  
"I'm not at home." Tommy can feel his body shaking and hopes that it doesn't effect his voice. It's like, now that he’s alone, his body is letting itself be afraid. Anything could have happened with Jeremy, the throbbing aches in his body remind him of that.  
　  
"Oh, okay, Hun. Well, I could come by later?" Brad offers.  
　  
"I'm at a hotel. He knows where I live, Brad. He called my Mom, he has her number, he could call her anytime and tell her everything. Jeremy came to my flat, fuck, this is fucked up. I don't know what to do," Tommy blurts out.  
　  
"Shit, I'll coming there right now," Brad says firmly.  
　  
Tommy tells him where he is and his room number once Brad promises to make sure no one follows him. He doesn't act like Tommy's an idiot for asking that of him. Once he's off the phone with Brad, he calls down to the desk so they know to let Brad up. He's already warned them not to let anyone he hasn't specified up to his room. He feels safer here, knowing he can do that, hide from anyone he doesn't want to see.  
　  
Brad texts him as well as knocking at the door, so Tommy can be sure it’s him. When he opens the door and sees Adam standing next to Brad, he isn't expecting it.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Monte talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta:i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Adam POV  
　  
"I'm going to call Tommy, let him know we’re on our way." Brad smiles. They had been out shopping and Brad had bought a T-shirt he though was perfect for Tommy. It was black(of course) with a weird cartoon dinosaur and a speech bubble saying "Grrr, I'm a dinosaur". Brad was sure Tommy would find it hilarious. Adam didn't really get the joke, but he was sure Brad would be right. He seemed to know Tommy better than Adam did these days anyway. So he was driving his ex to his crushes house so he could give him a present, since when was this his life?  
　  
Brad starts his phone call all bright and bouncy, ecited about surprising Tommy with a present. But he's not on the phone more than a few seconds before his whole attitude changes. Adam can't hear what Tommy is saying or get anything from the little Brad is saying, so he's pretty damn surprised when after Brad hangs up, he orders Adam to drive him to some hotel.  
　  
"What? Why?" Adam asks.  
　  
"It's really important, but I can't tell you, maybe Tommy will when we get there, but just please, get me there. I need to go talk to the boy." Brad looks, well worried doesn't cover it. So Adam doesn't question him anymore, he just finds the first place he can to turn around and lets Brad direct him to where they need to be.  
　  
When Tommy opens his hotel room, two things are almost instantly obvious. The first is that Tommy was only expecting Brad and the second is the blood streaked all the way down Tommy's chin; his lower lip is puffy and split.  
　  
"I know I should have told you Adam was with me, but I panicked and I didn't want you to tell us not to come," Brad blurts out and instead of answering, Tommy just steps back to let them in the room. Adam doesn't like it. Tommy can be quiet, but this isn't normal, something is really wrong.  
　  
Cheeks doesn't seem phased, shutting the door before he crowds into Tommy's space, getting a closer look at the blonde's split lip.  
　  
"What happened?" Brad asks and Adam thinks maybe he should have asked that, but he can't find his voice, it’s like his vocal cords are frozen. All he is doing is staring at Tommy, at the blood and how Brad is casually touching Tommy's waist; the familiarity between them, it hadn't been there before. But now, they seem to have a casual closeness, that includes physical intimacy. Adam can't help but wonder if the intimacy and closeness has turned sexual at any point. He knows Tommy has been with men and Brad was always calling him cute before they got close.  
　  
"I, can we talk in the bedroom?" Tommy mumbles and Adam gets the message loud and clear; he wants to talk to Brad alone. Adam honestly has no idea when Tommy became closer to Brad than him, he had thought of Tommy as a best friend, thought he felt the same way.  
　  
"Of course, Honey. Adam can sit out here." Brad glances at him and Adam has known him long enough to interpret the look as ‘Don't cause trouble’. Adam nods to show that he will do as he's told.  
　  
"I'm sorry, Adam. I just can't talk about this with you," Tommy sighs, his eyes never leaving his feet the whole time he’s talking to Adam.  
　  
Adam sits down, watches the two smaller men go into the bedroom. It’s quiet, he doesn't try and listen in, he's not sure he wants to hear what they’re talking about. He doesn't want to hear something that will confirm that Brad is Tommy's best friend, the person he goes to for help now, the person he trusts. Adam feels like a child for his thoughts, but he can't help it. They were so close at one point, they were there for each other all through the highs and lows of the tour and the year so far. Adam doesn't know what he did to drive Tommy away, a part of him fears that his interest in Tommy wasn't as well hidden as he thought, that his crush had been noticed and that it had sent the other man running.  
　  
It seems like they are gone, locked away in the other room for an eternity, before they come back. The blood on Tommy's face has been cleaned off, but his lip still looks livid and so painful. When Tommy looks up from the floor for a second, Adam notices for the first time the redness around his eyes. He isn't sure if it was there before he went into the bedroom with Brad, but either way, it is really fucking rare for Tommy to cry. Adam's seen him do it once, when they had been talking about his father. So Adam knows something bad must have happened. One stern look from Brad though and he finds himself holding his tongue. He wants to ask questions, demand answers. But Tommy looks almost fragile and Brad so protective, Adam thinks he would end up receiving a bitch slap if he tried asking questions right now.  
　  
"I've decided I need a roommate. Can you drive me, Tommy, and the stuff he has here to his place?" Brad asks and Adam doesn't bother arguing. There is something in Brad's eyes that has Adam backing off. He hates secrets, but right now, he gets that there is clearly something going on and it’s bigger than his feelings.  
　  
He loads the bags Tommy has with him into the car. He has to get directions to Brad’s new place, Brad has only just moved in this week himself and probably hasn't even finished unpacking, knowing his ex. Adam knew the place had a guest room, but now by the way Brad is on the phone calling the moving company he used, it looks like the guest room is officially becoming Tommy's room. Adam drives, Brad makes phone calls, and Tommy sits in the back seat and doesn't say a single word during the whole journey. Brad gets him to help with carrying stuff upstairs and then basically dismisses him. Adam would get pissy, but Tommy is sitting on the sofa where Brad put him when they first walked into the apartment. He's too still, too quiet and Adam doesn't want to cause a scene, especially when he can't quite read the emotion showing in Brad's eyes. All he can tell is that Brad is really unhappy and there are flashes of anger too, but Adam isn't sure who the anger is aimed at.  
　  
He leaves after brief goodbyes and drives himself home. He loves his house, but when he walks in, it seems too big and quiet, so much space for one person alone. He doesn't want a roommate and he and Rick aren't at the living together stage yet, might never be. He decides to call Rick anyway, kicking his boots off, he goes upstairs to lay on his bed before dialing the familiar number.  
　  
"Hey, Adam. I wasn't expecting to hear from you, seen as you said you'd be out with Brad." Rick actually sounds pleased to hear from him and it’s nice to feel wanted after realizing that two of the people you are closest to are keeping secrets from you, but sharing them with each other.  
　  
"We finished up early. Brad decided to ask Tommy to be his roommate," Adam adds aiming for casual.  
　  
"Oh," Rick's tone doesn't give a lot away, but Adam has a feeling he missed casual by a mile.  
　  
"Yeah, I helped with moving some stuff." Adam doesn't want to make a big deal out of this, like some jealous kid, because his friends have got close to each other. It’s childish, but he can't help his feelings, he knows something is going on between them and he wants to know why neither of them feel they can come to him with problems anymore.  
　  
"So, he said yes? You only said he asked. Well, that's nice for them. I didn't know they were that close." Rick sounds as confused by the latest development as Adam feels.  
　  
"Neither did I," Adam admits.  
　  
"Maybe they bonded over you, that is something they have in common, being the hot guy you kiss," Rick chuckles.  
　  
Adam talks to Rick for a while, at first just about Tommy and Brad. He doesn't mention the split lip or the hotel, he knows that is private. He remembers after a while to ask Rick about work and his day, instead of just talking about his friends. Rick chats a bit, flirts and the conversation could so easily turn into phone sex, but despite talking to his kind, hot boyfriend, Adam can't do it, can't get in the mood. He keeps picturing Tommy, his split lip, his tear stained face, the way he had been in the car and the apartment, it's impossible for him to get turned on with that slide show of images in his head. If Rick is disappointed, he doesn't let it show.  
　  
Adam is of the opinion that having a date for a party is always better. No one tries to set you up, you don't have to try and hook up, it’s awesome when you just want to relax. Which is why Adam invites Rick to Brad’s house warming party(He can't quite bring himself to call it Tommy and Brad’s house without choking on the jealousy) the second he gets invited. Unfortunately, Rick is working, so one week after helping Brad move Tommy into the apartment, Adam finds himself back there and without a date. He's in a bad mood from that alone and it only gets worse when he notices Tommy is actively ignoring him and avoiding him. When Isaac offers him another drink, it seems like a good idea. Half of Brad’s party guests leave at a normal time of night, but the Glamily doesn't. Brad seems to be in the mood to party and even though he turns the music down, the booze is still flowing.  
　  
It’s getting late and they’re all pretty drunk when Terrance suggests a drinking game and they’re all just drunk enough to agree, all taking seats on the floor, Brad producing more shot glasses than any one normal person would own. Adam is set between Brad and Monte, Tommy is on Brad’s other side and Isaac is next to him. Sasha and Brooke are next, followed by Taylor and Terrance, everyone else has gone home. Everyone else will probably not be hungover tomorrow.  
　  
"Okay, the rules, in case you haven't played before. We all take turns to say ‘I never’ and you say something you never did. All the people who have done it have to down a shot," Terrance explains.  
　  
"You can say ‘I never’ about something you have done as well, down a shot for it, but like, catch people out," Taylor adds.  
　  
"Right, practice go. Well, rubbish question to see if we all get it, but not practice on the drinking, so drink if you've done it," Terrance says firmly.  
　  
"Never have I ever drank alcohol," Terrance says dramatically, before knocking back his shot and everyone has to follow suit.  
　  
"My turn, bitches. Never have I ever kissed a girl!" Sasha laughs and looks very pleased with herself when they all have to take a drink, even though she has to as well.  
　  
"Fine, never have I ever kissed a boy," Taylor smirks, and he and Monte are the only ones who don't have to drink on that one.  
　  
They go a few rounds, mainly silly stuff, making each other drink and laugh, using stuff they know about each other to catch each other out. And then, Terrance takes another turn.  
　  
"Never have I ever had sex with someone who's the same gender as me." Impressively, he only slurs his words a little.  
　  
There aren't that many surprises, until he hears a muttered, "Fuck it," and Tommy throws back a shot.  
　  
"Whoa, Tommy you've been with a guy?" Isaac asks, giggling a little.  
　  
Adam wonders if he's the only one who notices Brad take hold of Tommy's hand, squeeze it and keep a hold of it. Brad doesn't look even a little surprised that Tommy drank, which makes Adam think once again that maybe the two men are more than roommates. In theory, Adam shouldn't be surprised that Tommy has had sex with a man. After all, Tommy had blown him once, but straight boys experimenting didn't always go all the way and so he still finds himself shocked.  
　  
"Yep," Tommy nods.  
　  
"On tour?" Brooke asks, glancing over at him and Adam feels like telling her she is clearly looking in the wrong direction.  
　  
"No, it’s been a long time." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Did you top?" Terrance asks and Sasha throws a cup at him.  
　  
"Rude," She points out when he glares at the plastic cup.  
　  
"Like you don't want to know?" Terrance huffs.  
　  
"Okay, I do," Sasha admits.  
　  
"You so have only ever topped, there is no way you've been fucked." Terrence snorts and Adam would have to agree. Half the straight guys he met who played around at being gay would insist they wanted to top; more manly or some macho bullshit. He had even heard men say anal with a guy was just like anal with a girl if you were giving and there for, not even gay. Which was really fucking stupid if you asked him.  
　  
"I bottomed before. I've never topped a guy." Tommy takes a drink of the beer he's been working on along side his shots.  
　  
"Maybe we should keep playing," Brad suggests, looking worried. He doesn't look like a guy who's topping a blonde hottie on a regular basis, seen as the look then would be smug, not worried, so maybe Adam was wrong there.  
　  
"I can't think of an ‘I never’, how about truth or dare?” Isaac suggests and everyone nods.  
　  
Isaac spins an empty bottle to see who he gets to ask and clearly somebody out there hates Adam because it lands on Tommy just as the blonde shifts so he can lean heavily against Brad’s side. Brad, who starts to pet his hair, like he's not even aware of the fact that he is doing it.  
　  
"Truth. You'll dare me to streak or some shit and it’s too cold for that," Tommy grumbles and they all laugh. They all know by now the blonde's opinion on cold weather.  
　  
"Okay, when did you lose your virginity." Isaac asks, and it’s a pretty standard truth or dare question, but Tommy frowns like he's confused.  
　  
"Like oral, fooling around and stuff, or full sex virginity?" Tommy asks, which explains the frown. People’s definition of sex tends to differ.  
　  
"Both." Isaac shrugs.  
　  
"Fooling around, ten. Real sex, twelve," Tommy says casually, and Adam almost chokes on his rum and coke. He hears someone else splutter, but he's not sure who, too busy moping coke off of his chin with his shirt sleeve.  
　  
"Your shitting us, right?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"No, no point answering with a lie." Tommy's blushing a little now that everyone is looking at him. Adam thinks maybe he didn't see it as a big deal.

"Dude, I didn't even know what my dick was for besides pissing when I was ten," Isaac bursts out.  
　  
"Agreed," Taylor laughs, probably because they all tease him about his age and experience levels.  
　  
"Was the girl your age or older?" Brooke asks.  
　  
"Guy, and older, like four years," Tommy corrects the assumption by sex and gives the rest of his answer, all while not looking at any of them.  
　  
"You’re certainly being honest tonight," Brad says softly.  
　  
"Told you I was sick of lying about some of the shit we talked about," Tommy sighs and a fair few eyebrows shoot up around the circle at that, and the rest of the Glamily may not have found it weird that Tommy moved in with Brad, but Adam's pretty sure they’re all surprised that Tommy has clearly been talking about sex and sexuality with Brad.  
　  
"Let me get this straight, you lost your virginity to a guy?" Taylor asks.  
　  
Tommy nods.  
　  
"So, why didn't you tell us you were bi? You know we won't judge you for it, kid," Monte frowns. He looks a little concerned. Adam knows Monte is pretty close to Tommy, likes teaching him stuff, loves his passion for music. Really, it’s only natural that he's worried when they find out Tommy had felt the need to keep his sexuality a secret from them. He hadn't let on about any of this stuff to Adam when they had talked about getting off together when they met.  
　  
"I like to keep my sex life private. Besides, the stuff with guys was a life time ago." Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Let’s stop interrogating Tommy, shall we?" It’s clear by his tone that Brad’s suggestion isn't so much a suggestion as a demand.  
　  
They keep on playing and everyone seems to avoid overly sexual questions and dares; Adam's more than a little relived over that. He's still processing the fact that Tommy had sex with a guy before any of the out and proud men at the party did. It’s like every time he thinks he has Tommy worked out, the blonde does something to prove him wrong. He's so sure he knows Tommy one moment and then seconds later, it’s like the other man is a stranger. He goes home alone and phones Rick even though it’s stupidly late or maybe even stupidly early. He leaves a drunken rambling message on Rick's voicemail. When he wakes up to find a message on his own phone from Rick saying they need to talk, he groans, the pounding that starts up in his head having nothing to do with his hangover. He calls back and agrees to meet for lunch anyway, even though he's dreading what this had to be face to face talk. He does his best to look human and not hungover and goes to meet Rick. He knows he is in trouble once the first question comes right after they've placed there orders.  
　  
"So you left me the worlds longest voicemail, all about your bassist. It’s funny, you never mentioned you were in love with him before," Rick says casually, sipping his iced tea.  
　  
"Um, I can't really remember what I said," Adam admits. It’s hard to insist that Rick is reading into something or mistaken, when he doesn't even know what he said to Rick.  
　  
"Half of the message wasn't coherent, but it was all about Tommy. Your tone gave a lot away too. You kept being all pissy and jealous over Brad being closer to Tommy than you. I'd get it if it had been the other way around. I mean, Brad's your ex and even if you don't still want to be with him, you still have feelings, so I'd get you being jealous if it was you not liking how close Tommy is to Brad, but it’s not that," Rick frowns.  
　  
"I'm not in love with anyone," Adam blurts out, which possibly isn't the best thing to say to your boyfriend. He should have said, "Anyone but you." But he didn't, because it would have been a lie.  
　  
"Don't look so panicked, I know you don't love me. We’re good together, really good, but we’re so not there yet, maybe we can get there, I don't know, but we’re not now. I know you don't love me or Brad, but I think your in love with Tommy and I want to know if that'll be a problem. I mean, Tommy's straight, but still, I won't stay with someone who is in love with someone else, it wouldn't be healthy for either of us," Rick sighs.  
　  
Adam is ridiculously glad that he didn't blurt out anything about Tommy's sexuality in his message. Tommy chose to tell them that, it wouldn't be right of Adam to share it with someone Tommy hardly knows.  
　  
"Tommy's a close friend, but he's nothing more, he won't ever be more. I'm not in love with him." Adam feels a little guilty, it’s all true, it really is, he probably isn't in love with Tommy, it’s just a crush and he'll get past that. No reason to upset Rick by saying it’s something that it probably isn't.  
　  
"I just, what we have is fun, we’re both happy. I don't want you to be unhappy. So, if you ever do find true love with someone else, Tommy or some other guy, I'd like to step aside gracefully, which is easier to do when given warning. So, if you fall in love, give me a heads up, okay?" Rick asks and Adam nods. He's not sure how he got this lucky, to find a guy who is hot and smart, kind enough to let him go without drama if and when the time comes.  
　  
Their lunch is less tense after that, Rick holds his hand across the table whenever they’re not eating; it’s nice. Things with Rick are always nice, not mind blowing or anything, but maybe he expects too much from relationships. They’re not always as full on, exciting or as passionate as he seems to want them to be, but that doesn't make them bad relationships. He's feeling happier, confident about how things sit with him and Rick by the time they part ways. Rick has a meeting with his manager and Adam heads home. His cell starts ringing just as he opens the door and he is tempted to ignore it, till he sees that it is Monte and he never ignores Monte's calls.  
　  
"Hi, Monte," Adam answers, closing the door behind him.  
　  
"Hey, Adam, glad I caught you." Monte's tone is serious enough that Adam is already frowning. He heads for the living room, feeling like this is going to be the sort of conversation he should sit down for.

"What's going on?" Adam asks, dreading the answer.  
　  
"I'm worried about Tommy," Monte sighs, sounding just like any worried father would if something was going on with their kid, even though Tommy is hardly a child and far too old to be Monte's.  
　  
"Why?" Adam isn't sure what Monte would be worried about. Tommy has a nice new place with Brad, seems happy, partying with his friends.  
　  
"Well, apart from how quiet he was half the time, there was the stuff he did say. Ten years old, Adam, with a fourteen year old and he's never brought up sleeping with men till now, says he's straight. Do you not see something bad in all of that?" Monte asks.  
　  
"Well, I guess he was a little young, some people are." Adam doesn't really want to think about Tommy sleeping with men. It makes him feel stupidly jealous, which also makes him feel guilty, because it makes it clear that he's lying to himself and Rick about how he feels for Tommy.  
　  
"His age only bothers me a little, like you say, some boys start early. But what gets me is the other guy. What was a fourteen year old thinking of touching a kid that age? The guy might have been sixteen when he slept with Tommy, and that just doesn't seem right," Monte growls.  
　  
"Okay, yes put like that it does sound bad. But it was a long time ago, what can we do now?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Talk to the boy? Ask him more about it. Just to be sure that it was two horny kids fooling around and not some horny teenager taking advantage of a kid," Monte sighs.  
　  
"You think Tommy was abused?" Adam asks, hating saying it, hating thinking it. There is no way he wouldn't have noticed if Tommy had been through something like that. They've talked about their pasts, their family's. How hard it was at times in highschool, both different in their own ways. Tommy even talked about his feelings about his Dad passing with him, something he hardly ever mentions. Adam doesn't want to believe that in all they have shared, he had somehow missed something as terrible as that. A good friend would surely pick up on something and if it had been abuse, why would Tommy mention it so casually during a drinking game?  
　  
"I'm not sure. I could be reading into a situation that was harmless, innocent, nothing more than dumb kids. But I want to be sure. The way Brad seemed so surprised Tommy was telling us seemed odd as well. Like he thought it was a secret." Monte sounds stressed. Adam can feel his own stomach churning uneasily.  
　  
"Well, it was a secret. We all thought he was straight." Adam swallows, the lie sticking in his throat.  
　  
"Adam, that tone, what do you know?" Monte always was far too perceptive for Adam's own good.  
　  
"Well, I knew Tommy had fooled around with men, but not slept with them and he told me he didn't like labels, but he only dated and slept with women now, so I classed him as straight," Adam admits. Telling Monte this doesn't feel like the idea of telling Rick had. Monte is family, it’s different and he's so worried about Tommy, it doesn't seem fair to hide anything he knows from one of his oldest friends.  
　  
"And this came up when? After you kissed him?" Monte sounds more curious than mad, which is a relief.  
　  
"Um, sort of before," Adam admits, might as well tell it all if he's telling anything.  
　  
"How in the hell did that come up? I mean, he mentioned a girlfriend, did you just ask if he liked men as well?" Monte sounds like he might laugh at that idea and Adam holds in a groan. He thinks Monte's amusement is going to disappear pretty soon.  
　  
"Remember how I pushed you to make the final decision on hiring Tommy?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Yeah, I remember, you had final call on everyone but him." Monte is probably frowning, Adam has known him long enough to tell by his tone.  
　  
"Well, I wanted everyone to see that he got the job based on his talent. Not on the fact I'd met him before. He didn't know who I was when he came for the audition, I'm sure of that Monte. He wasn't trying to get in the band that way and he didn't." Adam wishes that he didn't have to explain this to Monte, but he knows lying to the man when he is so worried would just be cruel.  
　  
"If you'd met before, how could he not know it was you when he came to the auditions?" Monte asks.  
　  
"Well, we didn't exactly swap names." This is the worst part, it's like telling a parent you had sex, which is just weird and wrong, no matter how old you get.  
　  
"Oh," Monte falls silent and Adam holds his breath.  
　  
"Oh, oh, so when you say met Tommy, you mean?" Monte's tone makes it pretty clear he's got an idea of what might have gone on, but trails off into a question.  
　  
"I mean, we met in a club, a gay club." Adam takes a deep breath, planning to spill his guts, but Monte cuts him off.  
　  
"We've been with Tommy in gay bars, it’s all over Twitter whenever he goes with some of his other friends as well," Monte points out, clearly on the side of Tommy being in a gay bar has nothing to do with his sexuality thing, which is true, lots of straight people go to gay bars, just they generally don't do what Tommy did.  
　  
"We were both drunk, we danced and then we fooled around, Monte. So, I had a pretty clear idea that he liked men, at least that he did back then. We talked, he said he doesn't do stuff with guys anymore and I respected that. I acted like I though he always was and always would be straight. He's never tried to use what happened between us against me or to get his way, he acts like it never happened. Sometimes, it’s like he believes that, like he's convinced himself we met at the audition," Adam sighs. He has never seen someone believe there own lie so much before. He really doesn't get Tommy sometimes, despite how close they are. With Tommy, it's almost like if he tells himself something is real it is, so he says he likes women, just women, and that becomes the truth to him, even though his past with men seems to tell a very different story.  
　  
"You had sex with Tommy?" Monte sounds shocked.  
　  
"No, just other stuff." Adam would be very much okay with the ground opening up and swallowing him whole right now.  
　  
"It was good that you asked me to make the final call on Tommy being in the band. If he was the way you say he was and I don't doubt that, he doesn't deserve the risk that people might say he slept with you to get a job. Even though I'm sure there are rumors, same as with Taylor," Monte sights and Adam knew it bothered Monte as much as it did him that some band members, mainly the younger male ones had to face such ugly rumours.  
　  
"He even said he didn't think I'd try and abuse my position as his boss. He was beyond good about the situation. It was a few years before, so I thought forgetting it would be for the best. I followed his lead and acted like it never happened." Adam couldn't forget though, ever since he had met Tommy again, he'd had fantasies, sex dreams, jerked off to the memories. He could only pretend, were as it seemed Tommy had wandered so far back into his closet that what happened between them actually seemed like it wasn't real to him, had never happened.  
　  
"Why would he feel the need to pretend to be a hundred percent straight, even though he knew you knew he wasn't? I'm telling you, Adam, something's not right. There is a reason he doesn't want to class himself as bi or gay, I'm sure of it." Monte was never overly emotional, but there was no hiding the concern in his voice.

"Okay, we'll talk to him, ask if something bad happened to him." Adam couldn't bring himself to say, "Ask if he was abused." He didn't want to acknowledge it as a possibility.

They made plans to invite Tommy out to lunch, somewhere the three of them could talk. Adam wanted to know what was going on, why he kept seeing new sides tomorrow. He didn't think Tommy was lying on purpose, more he was hiding something he felt he couldn't tell them. Adam wanted to know, wanted to fix it if he could. Things had been so much simpler when he had just thought Tommy had experimented with a bunch of guys in clubs and then moved on. He'd been okay thinking of it as a phase in his sexuality, just like his dress sense had changed since then. Adam had been sure his sexuality had changed, just another phase, but maybe it wasn't, maybe something bad had happened and just like Monte, he wanted to know.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy has a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Tommy POV

"Brad, pick my clothes for me," Tommy whines loudly. He flops down on his bed giving his closet the evil eye from where he’s laid out on his back.  
　  
Brad wonders in, glares at him until Tommy pouts and then goes over to the closet and starts rummaging. They have a system, it started in their first week as roommates and is still working three weeks later. Brad picks all of Tommy's outfits when he has to go out and in return, Tommy sits around looking adorable. Brad can’t say no to the pout. He also will never risk being seen with Tommy if he looks like a slob, so it's easier for him in the long run just to pick out all of Tommy's outfits.  
　  
"So, I was thinking about the talk we had. The whole dating women not working thing, and I think you should go on a date, with a guy," Brad suggests, throwing a pair of jeans Tommy had forgotten he owned until they were flying towards his head.  
　  
"No," Tommy groans. Yes, he has excepted a little, thanks to talking with Brad, that maybe the reason his relationships with women always fail is because he isn't that into women, but that doesn't mean he can date a guy either.  
　  
"Hear me out. The guy I have in mind’s a friend, it would be casual, low pressure and the guy is a big fan of bottoming, which I think could be good. You should top a guy, see how casual sex between friends can be." Brad brings a T-shirt over and whilst he is still close, he also reaches out and pets Tommy's hair. Brad always gets more affectionate whenever he talks about something he feels has the potential to upset Tommy and he appreciates it. Brad's friendly touch grounds him when normal talk that referenced his past experience of friends with benefits would have him lost in the dark space in his mind created by Jeremy years ago. A place that had been locked up and walled off until the man came back and bulldozed his way into Tommy's life and threw his defences.  
　  
"Maybe, I'll think about it. But I'm really not sure," Tommy huffs, starting to change clothes. By now, Brad’s seen him in his boxers plenty of times.  
　  
"Good, do think about it. I mean, one date won't hurt and it might help you decide if it will be boys, girls or hell, both in the long run." Brad gets that his head is really fucked up when it comes to relationships. They've talked a lot and Tommy is grateful to Brad for trying to help him fix things, all his messed up ideas about dating and relationships.  
　  
"I'm having lunch with Adam and Monte, so I have to go. I'm not bailing on talking about dating, I swear," Tommy promises.  
　  
"I know, sweetie. They've been trying to arrange this for a while now," Brad says, heading out of the room with him.  
　  
"I didn't want to go out with the split lip; paps, Twitter, I didn't want to deal with it," Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"I know, but you’re all healed up now, so go have fun with the boys. I'll make dinner like a good little house wife. And by make diner, I mean I'll order take out, but it's totes the thought that counts," Brad smirks, pecking him on the cheek before he leaves. In some respects, they can be a little like a married couple, but without any kid of sex whatsoever, which actually sounds like some of the married couples he knows. He and Brad aren't in love, lovers or anything like that, despite what half the band seems to think. Brad has; however, become one of his best friends and he seems to feel the same way about Tommy, even though Tommy isn't sure why or what he brings to the friendship.  
　  
Tommy heads to lunch, taking a cab because he just can't be bothered to drive and try and fight for parking near the restaurant Adam picked. Monte and Adam are both at a table by the time he gets there; he isn't late, he even checks his watch. He knows it’s possible that they were both early, but for some reason, Tommy gets the feeling they arrived together. The empty glasses on the table seem to confirm it. Tommy has a bad feeling before he even sits down, something about the glasses, the secluded booth, the almost guilty look on their faces as he walks over. It all makes Tommy think they came early together on purpose, to talk about something they didn't want him to hear or maybe about him. Tommy tries to shake off his paranoia, forcing a smile and sitting down.  
　  
"Hi, Tommy," Adam says brightly. Monte just nods and smiles; something is up with them, he can tell.

He asks Monte about Lisa and the kids, about any gigs he's playing and Monte chats away the same way he normally does, but he keeps fiddling with shit; his cutlery, the menu and that's just not like him. Adam is the same when he talks. He looks really uncomfortable when Tommy asks about Rick, it seemed like the polite thing to do, not ignore the fact that his friend had a boyfriend, but Adam seems to really not want to talk about him. When they ask him how he is, Tommy's proud to be able to answer pretty truthfully; he's doing well, loves living with Brad.  
　  
"Are you sure your doing okay?" Adam asks and his tone, it’s like he thinks he's talking to a kid or an injured animal; it pisses Tommy off.  
　  
"I already said I was, what is up with both of you?" Tommy notices out of the corner of his eye the waiter that had been on his way over try to wonder off and still look casual. Tommy guesses he must of raised his voice; he doesn't care. He feels like two of his friends have brought him here with an agenda and he wants to know what it is.  
　  
"We’re just a little worried about you, Tommy. You've been a little different since you moved in with Brad and we’re just concerned," Monte sights and he looks so God damn worried that it pisses Tommy off, especially when Adam nods his agreement. The last few weeks, he has been doing so much better and they choose now to be worried? When shit was getting bad, they believed he was fine and the very idea that they might think Brad has done something bad, after all the help he has given him, makes Tommy's blood boil.  
　  
"I have been fine since I moved in with Brad," Tommy growls.  
　  
"Tommy, all of a sudden you told us all you slept with men and you've been quiet and you never explained why you moved in with Brad or why you hid aspects of your sexuality until now," Monte rambles and it’s the least put together Tommy has ever heard him, like he doesn't know how to say what he's trying to say. It’s clear he's worried and Tommy knows he shouldn't be angry at a friend for worrying about him, but he is. They had no right to drag him here, acting like it was just friends meeting for lunch when really they had planned an interrogation. He's been trying to be more honest, even about the hard stuff, he doesn't need this pressure.  
　  
"I haven't pushed, Tommy, but I still have no idea what the hell happened the day I helped you move to Brad’s. You never explained and I really don't get acting like you’re straight all this time and then blurting out that your not," Adam frowns and Tommy wonders if he told Monte about the hotel, the phone call, and his bloody lip.  
　  
"I never said I was straight. I told you from the beginning I didn't like labels, you’re the one who kept telling everyone I was straight, Adam. You always do, every interview and at the shows. I never lied. I made it clear I had been with men, that I just wasn't doing it anymore. Fuck, I haven't lied to you, why should I have to tell everyone all my business? None of us do." Tommy is so pissed off, he can hardly get out the words, isn't sure he is making sense. He just knows this isn't fair, he hasn't done anything wrong, he just hasn't told them every detail of his shitty dating history. He shouldn't have to, he should be able to keep this to himself. He doesn't know everything about his band mates lives, he should be able to keep secrets to. He doesn't care if people think he is gay, but he is so ashamed of his past with Jeremy, he isn't sharing that; he can't.  
　  
"Tommy, after that party, what you said and the fact you hid being with men. Well, Adam and I are both worried that maybe you were abused," Monte blurts out and he looks so worried. He actually thinks Tommy was abused and that's why Tommy won't date men and it’s clear by Adam's face that he agrees. He fooled around with Adam and the guy thinks he was abused. For some reason, it bothers him more that Adam thinks that about him, than Monte.  
　  
"Why the fuck do you think I was abused? I just don't do men anymore, it was a phase. Stop making a big deal out of it," Tommy spat out. Fuck, he had though being more honest with his friends would make things easier, make him feel better, clearly he was wrong.  
　  
"You had sex when you were twelve and the guy was a lot older." Adam gives him a look, it could be concern, but it could also be pity, he can't tell and it pisses him off worse. He wasn't abused, why would Adam and Monte think that. He just fooled around with his friend, lots of people do that, it was fine, normal. He doesn't get why they’re trying to make a big deal out of it, make it into something even worse than it was.

"An age gap makes you think I was abused? Fuck this. I wasn't abused, nothing is going on and I'm fine living with Brad. I've had enough of this shit. Call me when you don't feel like interrogating me," Tommy spits out, standing up. He has been doing so much better; less nightmares, less looking over his shoulder. He's been feeling fine, locking the worst of his shit back behind the wall in his mind where it belonged. He doesn't need Monte and Adam stirring shit up. He walks out, calling a taxi before he's even out the door.  
　  
He's still fuming when he gets back home. Brad takes one look at him as he storms through the door and goes and grabs him a beer from the fridge.  
　  
"You’re back early," Brad says softly, no demands, not pushing. If Tommy tells him to drop it, he will. He doesn't get why Monte and Adam couldn't do the same.  
　  
"Lost my appetite," Tommy sighs.  
　  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Brad asks.  
　  
"Not really. Um, I was thinking, that guy? Call him for me, please? I want to try dating a guy, something casual." He wants to prove to himself that he can do it, that Monte is wrong, he has no issues with being gay or bi and certainly not because he was abused. He'd thought about asking Adam his thoughts on Tommy trying out guys again, about how Rick felt about the stuff they did on stage. He won't be asking for Adam's opinion or advice now, not after the lunch from hell.  
　  
"I'll call him if you’re sure," Brad nods.

"Yes, please," Tommy nods. He sips his beer and lets Brad make plans for him, not breaking his silence until it’s done.  
　  
"Adam and Monte think I was abused as a kid. They say they’re worried about me, think I have something wrong with be because I'm not all that out about liking men," Tommy admits.  
　  
"Okay, Hun. Can you tell me what they said? Like everything you remember?" Brad asks and Tommy does, going over the whole thing, all the shit that happened before he had even ordered, they were that eager to start prying. By the time he finishes, Brad has come over to cuddle.  
　  
"Well, that sucks. I'm not on their side, agreeing with them or condoning how they went about talking to you, but I will say, don't stay mad at them. They've finally picked up that you had something going on in your life and are worried. They care, which is a good thing. Just give yourself time to cool off. Tell them you need them to back off a little and it'll be fine," Brad says running a hand through Tommy's bangs in a gentle pet. He loves having his hair petted, even more so when he's stressed.  
　  
"You’re right, I know I shouldn't be as mad as I am at them. I just hate it. I want it to all go away, for sex and dating to work. I don't want them knowing how I used to be. I hate that Adam thinks my sex life is weird as well," Tommy admits.  
　  
"Why does Adam thinking that bother you more than Monte?" Brad asks gently.  
　  
Tommy tense, bites his lip and then tells himself to stop freaking out. Brad has seen him, not at his lowest, but pretty damn low and he hasn't judged him, is still here, still his friend, he can tell him this.  
　  
"I, Please don't hate me. I blew Adam one time. So, it bugs me that he thinks I have some sort of issue about sleeping with men." Tommy closes his eyes not wanting to see Brad’s reaction.  
　  
"Was this recent?" Brad asks.  
　  
"No, before I was in the band, but I didn't get the job that way," Tommy swears.  
　  
"Oh, hun. I know neither of you would do something like that, so no need to explain," Brad says calmly and Tommy finally looks at him. He doesn't look mad so Tommy finds the balls to tell him the whole story, from what happened between them to the talk they had after he joined the band.  
　  
"Damn, your life is complicated," Brad sighs.  
　  
"Tell me about it," Tommy groans.  
　  
"Well, maybe this date is just what you need, some simple, uncomplicated fun to get you back on the horse so to speak," Brad grins.  
　  
"I like the way you think, some fun would be nice as well," Tommy agrees.  
　  
"One question?" Brad asks.  
　  
"Shoot," Tommy nods.  
　  
"Your not in love with Adam are you?" Brad asks.  
　  
"No, I don't think so. I'm attracted, who isn't, he's my friend, most the time. He has Rick, I don't, no, nothing’s going to happen there," Tommy burbles, blushing.  
　  
"Okay, Baby Doll, but if it does, you have my blessing, okay? I want both you boys happy," Brad tells him, kissing him chastely on the lips, dry, soft lips pressing into his, no tongue, affection, not sex.  
　  
"Thanks, Cheeks," Tommy smiles softly. He hates that Brad found out about Jeremy the way he had, but in a way, he's glad to have a friend who knows, glad that they got the chance to get so close.

The following evening, Tommy finds himself walking into his room, still wet from the shower, wearing only a towel, to find an outfit waiting on his bed. It’s less casual than the last outfit he picked out, tighter jeans, well fitting shirt. Tommy loves not having the responsibility of picking out his own clothes. He also knows whatever Brad picks will look good on him. It reminds him of Sutan and Tommy kind of wishes the other man was with him to do his makeup. He does it himself, but texts Sutan to thank him for some tip the other man gave him last time. He's been ignoring his friends a little, ever since Jeremy showed up at his place and scared the hell out of him. Now, he's not so worried about being outed. He's starting to realize he's been neglectful, he's pleased when Sutan replies quickly. It looks like he isn't mad and Tommy resolves to start making an effort with his friends again.  
　  
Brad hovers like a nervous mother when it gets close to the time the guy’s meant to pick him up and then practically squeals when the door bell rings. He insists on answering and talking to the guy before he lets Tommy come meet the guy.  
　  
"Tommy, I'd like you to meet Liam, he's an old friend like I said. Liam, this is Tommy, a new friend," Brad smirks.  
　  
Tommy almost swallows his tongue. He knew Brad had good taste, but for some reason, he hadn't expected Liam to be so hot. He's spent so long not letting himself acknowledge that he finds men attractive, but that went out the window when he met Adam again, kissed him again. Now, here he is with Liam and he can't say he's not attracted. Liam is taller than him, almost six foot, slim, but clearly muscular toned. His hair is a natural golden blonde and his eyes are a dark, emerald green. He's handsome, hot, dressed in jeans and a shirt; he looks good. He's not what Tommy expected from the things Brad said. To be honest, he'd expected someone a little more, well twink like.

"Hi, Brad’s told me so much about you," Liam smiles and Tommy guesses the guy has got the very much edited version of his past from Brad, who only had permission to tell that Tommy had in the past had bad dating experiences with men.  
　  
Before Tommy can even think of a reply, let alone get one out, Brad is pretty much forcing them out the door.  
　  
"Have fun, don't do anything I wouldn't do." Brad actually fucking winks before shutting the door on them.  
　  
"There are things he wouldn't do?" Tommy mutters, forgetting that he's not alone, that he has a date to impress, until he hears Liam chuckling next to him.  
　  
"Sorry, that was rude and you probably think I'm a dick now," Tommy sighs rubbing the back of his head. He really hadn't anticipated fucking up this soon, they’re not even out of his apartment building yet.  
　  
"I don't think you’re a dick. Your funny, Brad didn't lie there or exaggerate about how cute you are. So, I was thinking we could go to my place and I'll cook dinner. Low pressure first date, it's not a ploy to get you alone, I swear. Brad just mentioned that I should take you somewhere we are less likely to get papped," Liam smiles. He looks a little nervous. It’s kind of cute and almost charming. Tommy is definitely giving this date a go.  
　  
"Yeah, sounds good," Tommy nods. They take the stairs down, talking about how they both met Brad, it’s casual, nice, and he manages to get to Liam's car without putting his foot in his mouth again. It’s a nice car, Tommy doesn't know shit about cars, but he knows that whatever the hell the car they climbed into is, it had to cost a fortune. All Tommy could tell someone about it if they asked was that it was black, shiny, looked really cool, and could go really fucking fast.  
　  
Liam is funny, sweet and smart. He's quick witted, sharp, but there isn't a trace of meanness to his jokes or comments. Tommy feels a little flustered at times, but never insulted. He can already see why Brad wanted him to go on a date with a guy. He let Jeremy make him think that relationships between men had to be a certain way. He's starting to see that dating men, yeah, it’s basically the same as dating a woman. You get bad dates, bad relationships, but you get just as many good ones. He thinks, just maybe, he was stupid not to try this sooner, but he hadn't been ready, still isn't even sure he is ready now. It helps that Brad set the date up. He trusts Brad, really trusts him, enough to trust his judgement and that gives him a bit of a safety net here, makes him feel like maybe he can do this. One date without a freak out, that's his goal. Maybe if he can do that, he can get past thinking he'll never be able to make it work with anybody.  
　  
"Well, this is my place." Liam pulls into a drive way. He has his own house, not an apartment like Tommy sort of expected. It’s a big house as well. He takes it all in as Liam pulls into the driveway and he presses a button to open up the garage. Brad hadn't mentioned what Liam did for a living, but Tommy thinks it’s a safe bet to not guess waiter or retail.  
　  
Liam leads the way to the kitchen, offers him a drink and doesn't turn his nose up when he picks beer. Tommy's had a lot of dates who seem to think drinking beer on a date isn't classy. Drinking spirits tended to get a worse reaction, the date accusing him of drinking too much. He just doesn't really like wine, doesn't get drinking it just because it fits the occasion. Liam hands him a cold beer and then instead of heading for the takeout menu's the way Tommy would, he starts pulling stuff out of the fridge. It seems like the big fancy kitchen isn't just for show.  
　  
"I hope you don't mind keeping me company while I cook. If you get bored, you can go watch TV or look around, but if it's cool with you, I'd like to talk, get to know you some more." Liam looks like he really wants to talk to him. Jeremy hardly managed to get through small talk if they had the opportunity to have sex. He has to stop comparing Liam and Jeremy, they’re not the same person, he knows that. Over the years, he's compared every man he's met to Jeremy, followed the other man’s rules about dating, friendship, everything. He doesn't want to do that anymore, is going to try his best not to.  
　  
"You can cook?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"I'm okay, a few family members are in the restaurant business, so they've taught me a thing or two," Liam smiles. The way he's cutting and handling stuff, Tommy is willing to bet that Liam's skill level is above okay, but modesty is cool, bragging can be totally douche.

They talk about cooking and food for a while, Tommy being more a fan of eating than cooking. He still manages to hold his own in the conversation without it feeling like he is constantly struggling to find words. Liam doesn't seem bothered when he tells him he can't cook, jokes about having to feed him regularly, but in a way that it seems like just maybe Liam would like to cook for him regularly. Tommy decides to bite the bullet, being a little honest here might help. Things are going well, so he's going to try and give this a real go, he's not truly given a relationship a real chance in years.  
　  
"Water’s just got to come to the boil for the pasta and then we'll be good to go," Liam tells him.  
　  
Tommy takes a deep breath and mentally tells himself to grow some balls.  
　  
"So I know Brad warned you that I had a bad dating history when he set us up. I gave him permission to explain some stuff, but I know he won't have said much. Can you tell me what you know, so I can maybe fill in some blanks." That way they'll both know where they’re standing. It’s the grown up thing to do, but it makes his palms sweat like they did back when he was a little kid and worried about talking about something.  
　  
"Okay, Brad said you dated a friend, who decided it wasn't dating. You got used, badly if the way Brad warned me that he'd cut my balls off if I upset you, is anything to go by," Liam begins and Tommy has to stop him as he feels the blush creeping up his face.  
　  
"I'm so sorry Brad threatened you. He's kind of protective ever since he met the ex he mentioned and realized that I have possibly the worst taste in men anyone has ever had, in like ever. Sorry, I interrupted as well." So much for not putting his foot in his mouth.  
　  
"Hey, don't apologizes, it’s fine. You seem like a really nice guy, so I'm glad you have someone as loyal as Brad in your corner. He said some other stuff to, do you want to know?" Liam looks like he has his own blush forming now. The very fact that he sees Brad for the loyal, got your back friend he is, instead of dismissing him as some party crazy twink with no depth? Well, that's already earned the guy some major points.  
　  
"Yeah, keep going, please," Tommy nods.  
　  
"He said you could do with something casual, fun, Friends with benefits, but more. Like dating, but no pressure. He said you needed to see the fun side of dating because you haven't really had much of that. And, uh, he mentioned sex," Liam is seriously blushing now and it’s kind of cute.  
　  
"Shit, what did Cheeks say? He can be blunt, like really fucking blunt about sex." Tommy's cringing inside as Liam adds fresh pasta to the water he's been boiling. This could be really bad, like so embarrassing that he goes and hides in the bathroom until Liam leaves his own house so he can sneak out or break down the door to kick Tommy out when he gets sick of Tommy hiding and/or he has to pee.  
　  
"That you haven't topped, but that it’s something you want to try. And I maybe got really drunk once and Brad was there and, um, he might have heard me talk about how I like to bottom. But I'm a big guy, so men always seem to want me to top them, so I don't get to often, even though I really like it," Liam said in a rush and he actually managed to flush a brighter shade of red than he'd already reached. Tommy's sort of glad he's not the only one blushing all the time.  
　  
"So, you would maybe want to? Let me top that is, even though you know I haven't done it before?" He's had a lot of sex; Jeremy fucked him a lot, he's given handjobs, blowjobs, but he has never fucked a guy. He has only ever fucked girls and he knows it’s not the same. Being good at the stuff he has done, well that doesn't mean he has a clue how to make bottoming good for Liam.  
　  
"Uh, yeah. When Brad told me you hadn't topped, I figured if you'd been with men, you'd know enough and I know enough that between us, we could make it work. You’re incredibly hot, it’s like having a wet dream sitting at my kitchen table, of course I want to," Liam ramble out, blushing. Tommy stays quiet while he serves up the food, deciding it’s probably best not to distract him when he's doing things like pouring away boiling water. Liam brings over two plates of some fantastic smelling pasta dish and then grabs a plate with bread on it. His face is still a little pink when he sits down.  
　  
"If I don't fuck this up, the like, date part, I'd like to top you at some point, whenever you want that. You’re hot and you’re nice and Brad is going to be insufferable because he picked out the perfect date for me," Tommy tells him before he twirls some pasta around his fork, he needs to do something with his hands.  
　  
"I kind of get that you don't want serious and I don't think I'm at a point in my life where I do either. Even though I think it would be stupidly easy to get serious about you. But yeah, we should be on the same page, so I was thinking dates, sex, having fun with each other. I won't sleep with other men while we’re together. I, uh, does that sound okay?" Liam asks.  
　  
Tommy knows he's maybe a little bit in love with Adam and until that goes away, he won't love anyone else fully. He's also still too fucked up to think of telling a man he loved them, of hell, getting married now that they can or anything like that. He wants casual, not a hook up in a hotel room when they have time, dirty secret casual. Just a relationship with no pressure, friendship, companionship and sex. He wants all that and he thinks it’s what Liam is offering.  
　  
"That sounds kind of perfect. I won't sleep with anybody else either, but when we have shows, I don't know if you've seen the stage kisses? They’re for the fans, would they be a problem for you?" He hopes they’re heading for something casual enough where it won't be an issue, he loves the fan’s reactions to the kisses. He loves sticking two fingers up to everyone who tells Adam he should hide his sexuality away from those who flat out think he shouldn't be gay, to those who say it’s alright for him to be gay, as long as he isn't sexual. Tommy loves the kisses for all those reasons, he can even admit that he just likes them, likes kissing Adam, if only to himself.  
　  
"I've seen the shows, it's okay. I'm not some possessive asshole who will freak out every time you touch someone. Those kisses are hot anyway, really hot. Kissing isn't a big deal," Liam grins. They talk about the things that they both are and are not okay with while they eat. The meal is ridiculously good and Tommy has finished every bit of it by the time they’re talking about more interesting things; sex, the sex they've had, what they like, what they want to try.  
　  
When dinner is over, they head to the living room and Liam pops in a DVD,.Tommy's eyes hardly even flick to the screen as Liam takes a seat next to him on the couch. He's close enough that Tommy can feel his body heat and Tommy is a little turned on from their talk; it’s not overwhelming, more a background buzz that's making him more aware of Liam. He's nervous as well, it’s been a really fucking long time since he went on any kind of date and he's sure as hell never been on a proper date with a guy. Tommy decides it’s time to be a little braver and moves over a little so that his side is pressed all against Liam's. A warm arm wraps around his shoulders after that, gently pulling him closer. Tommy cuddles into the larger body, trying to watch the movie for a little while. Liam laughs at something on screen and it makes Tommy startle and look up from where his head had come to rest on the other man’s chest. It seems like a clique, but it doesn't feel cheesy, when their eyes meet and hold. Liam dips his head, giving Tommy plenty of time to move away if he wants to; he doesn't want to. Their lips meet and it’s good, there’s heat between them instantly. It’s not the spark he feels every time Adam kisses him, he's not sure anyone else can make him feel that, but it’s good, really good. He knows he needs to put Adam out of his head as much as he does Jeremy, for very different reasons, but both just as important. Liam kissing him makes him feel good, it’s a turn on. He doesn't fell scared, worried he'll turn violent. He doesn't feel used or dirty. His heart isn't involved, but he thinks he can go without that one good thing if it means getting to have his first relationship without any of the bad things that are normally present.  
　  
They keep the kisses slow, but deep, no real urgency, not until Tommy presses Liam in to the sofa cushions, flat on his back, Tommy trying not to put too much weight on him. And Liam he lets him take control, just gives it up without even a fight. It would be a lie if he said the submission wasn't a turn on and he can't help grinding his hard on down against Liam's body. Tommy breaks the kiss, his lips feel puffy and his breathing is coming in harsh pants. He looks down at Liam, so flushed and handsome and clearly turned on and he wants more. Liam doesn't seem to need words. He gets them both up, turns off the TV and leads Tommy to his bedroom. The second his bedroom door is shut, he's no longer in the lead though, seems more than happy to give up all control to Tommy. He might not have done this before, but it seems his mind and body have picked up more knowledge than he had thought. He can't ever remember feeling so confidant or in control in the bedroom. Everything he does with Liam feels good, they both seem to want the other to feel good, not just focusing on their own pleasure. They’re lovers without the love, but when he is laid out in Liam's arms, post orgasm haze still thrumming through his veins like nothing else in the world, yeah, it doesn't feel like he is missing out on a thing.  
　  
Liam asks him to stay the night, so he texts Brad to let him know he's staying out. It feels a little weird to be checking in with his roommate, but he knows Brad will worry otherwise. He doesn't want someone who has been such a good friend to him to sit up all night worried that he freaked out and run off on his date or worse, ran into Jeremy or something. Brad texts back almost straight away.  
　  
I want details in the morning bitch xoxo  
　  
It’s so Brad he can't help but laughing. He shows Liam the text and is glad when the other man starts giggling too. This is fun, he's never felt so relaxed after sex in his life. He could really, really get used to this. He sleeps curled around Liam and in the morning, the other man makes breakfast. They have some fun in the shower together as well. When Tommy has to leave and Liam has to get to work, the other man walks him to his taxi. They kiss, warm and still a little sleepy, right out on the street with the driver watching.  
　  
"That your boyfriend?" The driver asks as they pull away. He doesn't look disgusted or grossed out so Tommy thinks it’s safe to answer.  
　  
"I think so," Tommy smiles, glancing back to see Liam watching him be driven away, it’s sappy, but cute. Fucking awesome way to start the day.  
　  
"Looks like a nice guy. My son, now he has terrible taste in boyfriends, but what can you do? He's a kid. I'm hoping he'll grow up and settle down with a nice guy like yours." The gruff taxi driver throws out surprising the hell out of Tommy. He should know by now not to judge a book by it’s cover, but the manly man sitting in the front seat is the sort of guy he's used to sneering at him for his makeup alone, so him being so cool about gay guys catches him off guard.  
　  
"Trust me, when I was younger, my taste was probably worse than your sons," Tommy smiles and it hits him that this is probably the first time he has ever made a joke like that about his past with Jeremy. It was something he didn't talk about, let alone joke about. Yet here he was, in the back of a taxi cab cracking a joke about his taste with the driver. He wasn't stupid enough to think one night of good sex had healed all his relationship related scars, but the chance to unwind and relax had cleared things up a little. He thought maybe he was finally actively working at getting his life back. He was becoming the person he maybe would have been without Jeremy's influence. He'd been jaded, cynical about love and dating. With the attitude he'd had, it wasn't really that surprising his relationships had failed. For a long time, he though he couldn't be with someone because there was something wrong with him, but he was thinking, maybe he'd been wrong. Sometimes it had been his fault, he'd sabotaged himself, so sure it couldn't work out anyway, but that didn't have to mean he was wrong, broken, he had just been acting the wrong way. He could be with someone, he knew he could.  
　  
He tips the driver when he gets home, the guy had kept him entertained with funny stories about his son's various past boyfriends. Some who Tommy will admit, would be enough to turn a parent’s hair grey. He doesn't even get two steps into the apartment before Brad appears, a look of what can only be described as pure glee on his face.  
　  
"Look at you, last nights outfit, pouty lips, is that a hickey?" Brad actually does a little jump and clap. Tommy guesses he's excited.  
　  
"Yes, Cheeks, it's a hickey. Can I have coffee before you interrogate me?" Sex had been enough to keep him going while he'd been with Liam. Naked people who aren't him being in the shower with him, tends to keep him up, for lack of a better word, but he needs caffeine now.  
　  
"Sure, there's a message for you on the machine. I heard Mikes voice when I played it so I stopped it and left it. You check your massages, I'll put the coffee on. Then I want details," Brad smirks, heading for the kitchen. Tommy wanders over to the machine and presses play. After an annoyingly loud beep, Mike’s voice fills the room.  
　  
"Hey dude, some guy called Jeremy showed up looking for you. Not sure if I over stepped my bounds, but you said you didn't want people knowing where you were so I lied and said you'd been called into the studio for like emergency album stuff. Said I didn't think you'd be home again before going back on tour in Europe. I guess if he's someone you want to see, you can call him? Hope you’re not pissed, man, but I didn't like the guy so I wasn't telling him your business. Call me back sometime, asshole." Mike might have been a slob, but Tommy is still fucking glad they were roommates. Mike’s always been a good friend, but this? He's so fucking thankful. He knew Jeremy would go back to the apartment where he had found Tommy. He'd been terrified that if Jeremy showed up and he wasn't there that the other man would go to the press. He hadn't yet, so maybe, just maybe he wouldn't. At least while he didn't think Tommy was avoiding him on purpose. He hopes maybe that Jeremy will forget about him once he's married, occupied with married life, his job and the baby when it comes. Maybe Jeremy will be gone for good this time.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad and Tommy go to dinner with Monte and Adam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta:i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Adam POV  
　  
They have a week before they are flying out to the UK to do some gigs and he hasn't talked to Tommy in almost a month, it's the same for Monte. He hasn't got in contact since the horrible drama of their non lunch all that time ago. When Adam calls Brad to talk about it and maybe try and subtly find out how the blonde is, seen as you can only learn so much from stalking someone's Twitter. Adam feels pretty stupid when five minutes into the conversation Brad asks if either he or Monte have tried getting in contact with Tommy, in a tone that implies he already knows the answer. Adam has to admit that they were both a little scared Tommy would blow up at them or that they would somehow make it worse. Brad had bitched him out then, told him to book a table for four somewhere nice. He'd been told to make sure Monte was there, Brad promising to get Tommy there so they could talk.  
　  
Which was how Adam found himself standing at the bar in one of the swankyiest restaurants in LA, wearing his best suit and trying to relaxes. Monte standing next to him in a nice shirt was far calmer than he should be, considering the other man had almost been late thanks to an incident that involved milk and one of his baby girls puking milk all over him. He'd explained much to Adam's horror, that just changing his shirt wouldn't have fixed the problem, he'd had to shower again, because of the strong odor milk vomit had. Adam was only grateful he had been told that story before he'd been trying to eat.  
　  
Monte spots Tommy and Brad first and he makes this fact known by elbowing Adam in the side. Sometimes he could strangle his music director, as much as he loves him. Times like this when he almost ends up on his ass? Yeah, he doesn't quiet feel the love. He straightens and spots them. Brad looks cute as ever, his outfit not too out there. He knows when to leave the club wear at home; he looks sleek, handsome. He's smiling and laughing at something Tommy is saying. And God, Tommy looks good. He's dressed simply in a black shirt and slacks, but the cut of them screams designer, most likely Brads influence. Sutan gave up getting Tommy to dress in designer stuff months ago. He looks elegant and Adam kind of wants to drag him off somewhere private and tear his clothes off, mess up his silky bangs. He looks happy as well, his bright smile making Adam's stomach do a weird dip, his heart lurching in his chest till it knocks hard against his ribs. He doesn't get that feeling when he looks at Rick. Not when he smiles, not when he laughs, not even when they are in bed together and he is inside of his boyfriend. Fuck, not for the first time he thinks Rick might be right about him being in love with Tommy. Maybe they need to talk again. Adam doesn't think he'll end up cheating on Rick, it's not his thing and Tommy doesn't do men anymore, but it almost feels like he is cheating without touching Tommy. He's in love with him, he’s in love with a man that is not his boyfriend and that just doesn't seem fair or right to Rick.  
　  
"Adam, Monte, it’s good to see you both," Brad says brightly as if this isn't going to be at all awkward. Hell, it’s worse for Adam now, with his stupid brain insisting that he admit to himself that he is in love with Tommy.  
　  
"Hi, Brad." Adam is pleased when he still gets a hug from his ex, he wasn't sure how pissed off Brad was over the Tommy thing. He is beyond protective of the blonde these days.  
　  
Tommy smiles, but he looks a little wary, like he's half expecting a fight to break out. Going on his instincts alone Adam pulls him into a hug. It’s been so long since he had the other man in his arms, smaller body fitting perfectly.  
　  
"I am so sorry, Tommy. I was a total asshole for everything I said at that lunch, and I'm a bigger asshole for hiding from it instead of apologizing sooner." As he speaks close to Tommy's ear, he feels the smaller man relax in his arms. Instead of holding himself stiff as he had been, he hugs back, leaning some of his weight against Adam's chest. Adam has his hands on Tommy's back, so he feels it when Monte pats him there, can see the shoulder squeeze that follows.  
　  
"I'm sorry, too, Tommy. I messed up, both at the lunch and how I handled it after," Monte says, sounding gruff and Adam thinks they all know that Monte isn't big on talking things like this out. Adam's seen him with his wife enough to know she is normally the only one Monte talks feelings with.  
　  
Tommy pulls back, he looks less tense. Brad smiles at him a little, eyes warm. Looks like this lunch is going a hell of a lot better than their last.  
　  
"I get that you were worried, maybe I overreacted. So let’s just forget about it, go catch up," Tommy suggests and Adam is more than on board with that plan.  
　  
Adam finds someone to show them to the table he booked and they’re soon all sitting down with a drink looking through the menu.  
　  
"Pick for me," Brad pouts at Tommy.  
　  
"Pick yourself," Tommy says, rolling his eyes.  
　  
"You've been here before, I haven't. And I picked your outfit," Brad points out.  
　  
"I bough it, though," Tommy sighs.  
　  
"You sound like an old married couple," Monte laughs.  
　  
"You've been here before?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Couple of times," Tommy nods, pointing out something on the menu to Brad, despite saying only seconds before that he wouldn't pick for the other man.  
　  
"I thought you hated fancy restaurants, if Brad hadn't said somewhere nice for lunch, I wouldn't have picked here," Adam admits. Expensive restaurants have never really been Tommy's thing, not in the time Adam has known him.  
　  
"I sort of know one of the owners. I honestly didn't think I'd like it, but the foods good," Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"Damn we should have got you to book the table. It took Adam a while to get one," Monte comments.  
　  
They order a few minutes later and then start talking again. It seems like they've all been busy. After their food arrives a well made up woman walks over. She looks like she's probably forty something, maybe early into the fifty's. She reminds Adam of old Hollywood, all glamour and class. She comes right over and ignores everyone but Tommy who stands to great her. She kisses both his cheeks and hugs him a little. She then makes him sit and checks to make sure he hasn't got her lipstick on his face.  
　  
"Tommy, you should have said you were coming. I would have got you and your friends a better table." She glances at them and smiles, before her eyes are back on Tommy. She looks fond of him is the only way Adam can think to describe it. Affection is clear in her eyes, not lust, so he doubts Tommy has found himself some cougar. Which is good, she seems like a nice woman, but if she were sleeping with Tommy, that would of course make her a bitch. Adam is glad no one else is aware of what a pathetic jealous idiot he is being.  
　  
"Rose, the table is fine. Don't worry about it. I promise I'll call next time though," Tommy smiles and it seems to make the woman, Rose, happy.  
　  
"Well, I'll let you gentlemen enjoy your food. I hope you enjoy it, Tommy, we use the same recipes as Liam is always stealing," Rose chuckles, she presses another gentle kiss to Tommy's cheek before waving at the rest of them and leaving.

Adam has only one thought, who the hell is Liam?  
　  
"Rose is?" Brad asks.  
　  
"Liam's aunt, one of the owners," Tommy explains.  
　  
"No wonder that boy can cook. I hate you, by the way, I know how much he feeds you, skinny bitch," Brad snarks affectionately.  
　  
"I'm lucky," Tommy smirks before biting a huge piece of chicken off his fork. Some things never change, including Tommy's appetite and table manners.  
　  
"I feel like I'm missing something, possibly a lot of somethings," Monte frowns.  
　  
"We know Rose's nephew. But I've never been here with him, so she doesn't know me," Brad shrugs.  
　  
"But you have been here with him?" Adam directs his question at Tommy. Tommy, who has ate here before, knows one of the owners, gets cooked for by said owners nephew. He's getting fucking jealous again. It’s so stupid, he's probably just reading into shit that isn't even there.  
　  
"Yeah, I have," Tommy nods.  
　  
"I guess if you and Brad both know him, he's a new friend not old?" He's heard of most of Tommy's old friends, he's never heard Liam mentioned before.  
　  
"Old friend of mine, new friend of Tommy's," Brad chuckles and there is the distinct thump of someone kicking the table leg; the table rattles slightly.  
　  
"You missed me," Brad informs a blushing Tommy.  
　  
"I'm aware," Tommy groans.  
　  
"Might as well spit out whatever he's teasing you about now. He can't torment you if we already know," Monte reasons.  
　  
"Um well, Liam is kind of the guy I'm seeing," Tommy blurts and suddenly, the wonderful food on his plate is turning Adam's stomach and he puts his fork down.  
　  
"You have a boyfriend, Tommy Joe? The fan girls will go nuts if they find out," Monte chuckles. Tommy has some crazy fans, some of the tweets they send him even make Adam blush and he'd like to think he's pretty hard to embarrass with stuff like that. His audience regularly sees his hard on for Christ sake. He's not a prude, but some of those girls have perverted minds.  
　  
"Yeah, we’re pretty discreet though, we stay in a lot," Tommy shrugs and Brad starts sniggering.  
　  
"Oh grow the fuck up, Brad," Tommy groans.  
　  
"Like you wouldn't laugh. I mean, seriously, Baby Doll? You want us to believe you stay at Liam's so much just to avoid the fan girls?" Brad smirks.  
　  
"Shut up," Tommy moans.  
　  
"Great comeback," Brad teases.  
　  
Tommy has a boyfriend, Tommy who doesn't date guys anymore has a boyfriend. And from what Brad is saying, he has a boyfriend that he is fucking a lot. Adam can't get his brain past that long enough to talk.  
　  
"So, how long’s this been going on?" Monte asks.  
　  
"Almost a month," Tommy tells his plate; a month, he'd ask why they didn't know sooner, but he knows why. They've probably not spoken with Tommy the whole time he's been dating this guy Liam, until now.  
　  
"Well, that's awesome, man. Glad you’re happy. He gonna be cool with tour?" Monte asks and Adam is grateful that he is smart enough not to bring up the whole "You don't date men" thing with Tommy, not when they've just gotten past an argument. Adam doesn't want things to be fucked up again, even if it means he has to wait for answers.  
　  
"He's cool with it and before you ask, he's cool with the stage gay. He, uh, actually thinks it’s kind of hot," Tommy admits, blushing.  
　  
"So does Rick." Which is true, but Adam doesn't know why he's blurting it. "Yay, both our boyfriends think it’s hot when we kiss." What the fuck?  
　  
"How are you and Rick?" Brad asks.  
　  
"We’re really good, getting serious," Adam smiles, even as his brain screams, "Lies, fucking lies!" at him. God, it's petty, but Tommy has a boyfriend who cooks for him, who's introduced him to his aunt. Adam can't tell them after that, that he's thinking of maybe calling things off between him and Rick. Not because Rick has done something wrong, there is no infidelity or outside pressure to blame. No, he wants to end things with Rick, his sweet, caring boyfriend because he is in love with a man he thought might as well be straight these days. Only Tommy is clearly not completely straight, he has a damn boyfriend and there is no way in hell Adam can tell him that or let any of them know him and Rick might be on the rocks.  
　  
He's more than a little thankful when conversation drifts away from the topic of boyfriends. He's sitting at a table with the tree people most likely to notice that he is lying. Monte, Brad, Tommy; he isn't always the best at keeping things from them. If he had kept talking about Rick, he's pretty sure one of them would have called bullshit at some point. Lunch is nice, he's glad Tommy isn't mad anymore and that Brad is no longer mad on his behalf. Despite how nice it is, he has to force himself not to be moody and withdrawn. He's pretended to be happy before, he can do it now, because there is no way he is selfish enough to ruin a friend’s happiness. He can tell by Tommy's smile that this Liam guy must make him really happy and after the weird mood the blonde had been in ever since the hotel room thing, well Adam's just glad to see him happy again, he won't fuck that up.  
　  
In the name of not being selfish, Adam arranges to meet with Rick the next day. He ends things explaining that yes he is in love, but it’s not going anywhere. He hasn't cheated, he's not leaving Rick so he can be with someone else. He's just leaving him because it’s not fair on him. When they’re together Adam's body might be with his boyfriend, but his heart isn't there, isn't in it. He loves someone else and even though he can't have them, Rick deserves better. Adam's surprised when Rick hugs him, he doesn't yell or cry. He tells Adam to call if he ever needs a friend, the offer to hook up is there, not said in as many words, but Adam doesn't miss the offer. It's tempting, so fucking tempting to keep Rick in his bed, but again, it wouldn't be fair. Because of the fact they have dated, he doesn't think the hook up could be as simple and no strings attached as Rick seems to think it would be. Besides, if they keep sleeping together, Rick might not find someone new and he deserves to find someone who will make him happy. Rick deserves a man who can give more than half of himself to the relationship and Adam just isn't that man, not for Rick.  
　  
They return to tour and Adam doesn't tell anyone he broke things off with Rick. He mainly keeps it to himself to avoid being asked why it ended. He hates lying to his friends, but he could never tell them the real reason behind the break up. When they all meet up, Adam hears Isaac loudly teasing Tommy about the hickey on his neck and then Cam is joining in, pointing out how tired Tommy looks, how it must have been a long night. All the Glamily members who are dating or married have made the most of their last night before returning to tour and it seems Tommy was definitely among the group who got laid last night. So maybe prying questions aren't the only reason he hasn't told anyone about Rick, maybe he doesn't want any of the happy couples to know he is single. Who does he think he's kidding? He doesn't want Tommy to know, because on tour if one person found out, it always got around. So he can't even tell someone else and just keep Tommy in the dark, because he would find out. When you see people day in and day out, secrets had a way of finding their own way of coming out into the light.


	8. Chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band find out about Jeremy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Tommy POV  
　  
　  
He's kissing Adam on stage one night in some city with a name he can't pronounce when he feels a pang of guilt. Liam has said he’s fine with this, but Tommy hadn't told him he got turned on when Adam kisses him. He's moody and distracted for the whole show, but does his best to hide it, he thinks he does a pretty good job, at least it’s good enough that no one calls him on it. He signs and chats with fans, even though his head is somewhere else. He goes straight back to his bunk on the bus after that. He isn't sure about time zones, so he texts Liam to ask him if he's awake, his hands are shaking as he types the message out. Luckily, Liam is and calls him. If he had waited, he would have chickened out.  
　  
"Hey, something up, Tommy?" Liam asks straight away. Tommy guesses his, I need to talk now, text clued him in that Tommy might be freaking the fuck out about something.  
　  
"I kissed Adam," Tommy blurts.  
　  
"Off stage?" Liam sighs.  
　  
"No on." Tommy can't help chewing at his thumb nail, a habit his Mom had always hated.  
　  
"And? I said I didn't have a problem with it. Honestly, I could watch you two make out all day, but then I'm kind of a perv," Liam laughs.  
　  
"I liked it, I like kissing him. And I'm kind of freaking out because I knew I liked it. But I was single and he's a good kisser, it didn't seem like a thing. Now, I think it is a thing though, you’re so fucking perfect and being with you is amazing. I shouldn't be kissing other men and liking it," Tommy babbles.  
　  
"Okay, calm down, baby. It's okay. I'm not mad. This relationship we have, it's not about making you feel bad or like you owe me," Liam tells him firmly.  
　  
"I feel like the worlds shittiest boyfriend. I'm lusting after my fucking boss while you... shit you've never done anything wrong," Tommy moans.  
　  
" I could if you want, but that'd suck for us both. I don't want to hurt you, Tommy, and I hate that you’re upset. Can I do something?" Liam asks.  
　  
"See? Fucking perfect. I... Shit, I should hang up and not say this," Tommy groans.  
　  
"Say what? Come on, Tommy, tell me, if I'm so perfect, it'll be okay," Liam chuckles.  
　  
"Why don't I love you? Your everything I want, you make me happier than I've been in a long time. I want to, but I don't," Tommy whispers.  
　  
"Fuck, I wish we weren't having this conversation over the phone with you in another country. But we need to have it. I know you’re not falling for me and that's cool. Being with you is so amazing. I think I could... Shit, maybe I already am falling for you," Liam says softly and Tommy's heart freezes in his chest. He can't think of a single thing to say.  
　  
"If you’re in love with him, Tommy, tell me now, please. So I know before I fall any further. I'll go lick my wounds and we'll be friends after. I don't think I could hate you. But do it before I fall all the way in love with you. Because finding out you loved him, once I was in love with you? I think that'd hurt too much for me to recover from and I don't want to lose you. I'd rather have you as a friend than nothing, Tommy," Liam tells him calmly, he sounds sad, but not angry, it makes Tommy feel like his insides have been shredded apart.  
　  
"I think I might be. He's just a friend. He has a boyfriend. I knew I was attracted to him, but everyone is. I hadn't been with a man in years. I never thought I would want to be with him like that, we were just friends. This is so fucked up and I'm hurting you. I told you I always fuck up relationships." Tommy feels like he might cry, which is something he has never done when breaking up with a girl. Jeremy made him cry, but then Jeremy ended things when Tommy was still naked after they'd fucked, his wrist still bruised from Jeremy getting rough. He had fingered the bruises for days after Jeremy ended it. Ended Tommy's ideas that they were a couple anyway. They had ended up back in bed together just as the bruises had begun fading to yellow.  
　  
"Tommy, don't say that. You haven't fucked up. We talked when we started and it wasn't meant to get serious. It hasn't, you didn't lead me on, you've done nothing wrong. I just didn't predicted falling for you, didn't think it was a possibility. I thought it'd just be like sleeping with a close friend and stay that way. I didn't think it would grow into something else for me," Liam sighs.  
　  
"I think I'd be falling for you too, if I wasn't already in love with him," Tommy admits, might as well throw it all out there now. He can't even say Adam's name right now; this hurts, it’s such a different pain, unlike the end of any relationship he has ever had. Hell, most of his relationships as an adult have ended with some girl yelling at him about how he's not invested enough in their relationship while he sits there, proving their point by not really caring.  
　  
"I, that actually makes me feel better. It should make me feel worse, but it doesn't. Makes me hate him a little bit. I hope he sees how lucky he is, having you love him." Liam doesn't seem to be able to say Adam either, but they both know who he means.  
　  
"He has Rick. Things are getting serious, he told me and Brad. I'm such an idiot, I wish I didn't love him, so that I could fall for you the way I should." Tommy's throat feels tight, but he won't cry on the phone with Liam. It would upset Liam, hurt him and Tommy thinks he's done enough of that for one night.  
　  
"Well, he's missing out. Someone should tell him that. I'm gonna go, but I'll text you tomorrow, you can tell me how the show goes. I'd really like it if we still talked," Liam says quietly.  
　  
"Yeah, of course, I'll text you. I don't want to lose you as a friend either." He likes Liam for more than they do in bed, he doesn't want to lose him if he can avoid it.  
　  
"Night, Tommy Joe, get some sleep and well talk tomorrow, 'kay?" Liam sounds pretty fucking sad, not heart broken but close, and it kills Tommy.  
　  
"Will do. Talk to you later." Tommy hangs up and gets out of his bunk. He's lying to Liam but that's just something he can add to the list. It's not the worst thing he's done tonight. He's glad the main area in the bus is still empty. He finds a bottle of Jack Daniels and takes a seat on the sofa. Adam comes in and finds him curled around an almost empty bottle sometime later. Tommy doesn't know how long it's been, just knows the booze hasn't done shit to get rid of the ache in his chest.  
　  
"We were all looking for you after the signing. Please tell me that bottle wasn't full when you started?" Adam sighs, walking over and sitting next to him.  
　  
"It wasn't full," Tommy tells him, because Adam asked him to, not because it's true.  
　  
"Why do I think that's a lie, Mr Ratliff? You okay? That's a stupid question, you’re sitting in the dark, drinking alone for fun. Of course something is wrong. Want to talk about it?" Adam rambles.  
　  
"No, I think I should just go to bed. Sleep it off." He feels like shit, his words are a little slurred and if he stays around Adam, he might well end up saying something he'll regret.  
　  
Adam helps him get up, walks him to his bunk. He takes the bottle of Jack off of him. Tommy knows that in the long run he'll be grateful for that, but he really isn't at the moment, he wants to drink till he passes out. But it seems he doesn't need the rest of the bottle for that. He's dead to the world before he's even aware of Adam leaving.  
　  
He wakes up to a dark and silent bus, his head already throbbing. He finds pain killers and water by his bunk, knows Adam must have left them before he left Tommy to sleep. He's a good friend, but all he is and ever will be is a friend, their past aside. So Tommy needs to get over him, he won't be able to love someone until he does, being with Liam showed him that. Every aspect was good; the dates, the sex, the relationship was practically perfect, only Tommy couldn't love him. Even if everything else is perfect, to work long term and be happy, a relationship needs love. Idly, he wonders if Rick is in love with Adam; probably, everyone always is. Adam probably loves him back, he wouldn't tell Brad they were serious otherwise, the ex's were close.  
　  
Thinking about Brad makes him realize he needs to tell him about Liam. He sends the worlds longest text explaining that it's over, but that Brad doesn't need to kill Liam for him. Of course five seconds after he sends the text, Brad calls. He's managed to keep it pretty well together so far, apart from his little drinking binge. The moment he hears Brad's voice though, something in him breaks. Brad is one of his closest friends, he knows he can fall apart with him, but it seems weird to be crying into a phone.  
　  
"I dumped Liam." He blurts out, mainly to make it clear that Liam didn't dump him while he was off on tour.  
　  
"Oh, sweetie, why?" Brad asks, voice full of concern.  
　  
"I love him." He really hopes Brad can be okay with it, the way he said he would be.  
　  
"I don't get it, if you’re in love with him, why did you dump him? Did he not want serious? Did you freak out?" He can see how what he's said has confused Brad and knows why Brad would think the things he seems to be thinking. He's the one person Tommy has talked to completely honestly about all his thoughts on relationships.  
　  
"Not Liam, I don't love him, but he was falling for me. And I'm an asshole, but not a big enough asshole to stay with him knowing it all meant more to him than it did me. I'm not in love with him," Tommy hiccups a little and swipes at the tears trailing down his cheeks with the hand not holding the phone. It doesn't get rid of them all that well, just seems to smear the wetness across his face, making his skin feel damp and warm for a second or two before the slight chill to the air turns the tear tracks unnaturally cold.  
　  
"You said 'I love him'. Who's the him if not Liam?" Brad asks.  
　  
"Adam, I thought I wasn't, I really thought I wasn't I swear, I didn't lie to you about that." He doesn't want Brad to think that he lied. They talked about this, Brad asked him if he loved Adam and he said no, but he'd been wrong. He's pretty good at convincing himself that things are true, of hiding from things that are true by burying them and faking that he believes a lie until he does. The second he met Adam again, the denial started and the walls went up. He's shoved the lingering crush he'd had on a stranger that turned out to be Adam down into the dark space in his mind. The cage where he had kept memories of him and Jeremy as anything but friends, the place where he still remembered what it was like to be afraid of someone you loved. He pretended Adam was a friend and kept his attraction in the dark, like it was something ugly, like the memories of being left bloody and the feeling of betrayal that came with every drop of blood Jeremy drew from him. Jeremy came back and suddenly the cage was open and everything in it came crawling out of the dark. To try and heal instead of hide, he didn't lock it again, seems he forgot to hide Adam away again. And somehow without him noticing his crush has grown into love. He doesn't even know when it happened, too distracted by everything else.  
　  
"Shh, it’s alright. I know you didn't lie to me. Did something happen? Something to make you realize?" Brad presses and he really doesn't sound mad, which is a fucking relief.  
　  
"He kissed me on stage, same as always. But it just hit me. One second: I'm looking at him and it's just Adam. An awesome guy, sure, but a friend and then all of a sudden, my heart was racing and I was liking the kiss in ways I never did before. It's bullshit, I wish I'd never realized, he has a fucking boyfriend for Christ sake!" Tommy groans, trying to keep his voice down, it's still late or maybe it's early now, but either way, it's dark and everyone else is sleeping.  
　  
"Have you told him? And Tommy, sometimes love is like that. It's not always love at first sight, more often than not, it sneaks up on you, till one day you realize you’re looking at somebody in a different way. Adam's hard to resist," Brad chuckles.  
　  
"I didn't tell him, he doesn't even know I broke up with Liam. I saw him after it happened, but I just couldn't tell him. He'd ask why and I can't tell him why when he's with someone, it wouldn't be fair to put all that on him," Tommy sighs.  
　  
He keeps talking to Brad, but refuses every suggestion that he tell Adam that he is in love with him. He will just act how he always does around Adam and it will be okay, nobody will ever have to know, a secret between him and Brad. Some secrets are hard to keep though and just over a week later, the band and dancers have a night out to a few clubs plan, because Tommy had let slip to Isaac that he and Liam were over and it seems Adam has told someone he and Rick broke up. So now everyone thinks they need to go out for some post break up partying to cheer them up. Adam hasn't seemed down, Tommy is kind of surprised as he normally takes break-ups pretty hard. Maybe Adam is as good at faking being fine as Tommy. Adam's normally pretty open with his emotions though, so it seems weird, maybe he just didn't want to worry them all, because that's definitely an Adam thing to do, put other people’s feelings before his own.  
　  
Tommy agrees to go because he doesn't have the energy to argue or explain that Liam still calls and texts him, they’re okay. Things get a little awkward sometimes, but they still talk, still enjoy each other’s company. He even tells Liam about the night out he's being dragged out on. He ends up dressed up in his best jeans and shirt, Sutan taking over Brad's normal role of picking out what he should wear out. Sutan does his makeup for him as well, so Tommy forgives him for the practically painted on black jeans. He loves having his makeup done, there's something so relaxing about it, he can never put his finger on what, but he loves it.  
　  
"Between you and Brad, I feel like a doll," Tommy grumbles, even though he likes it, because well, Sutan expects a little bitching.  
　  
"That's because you are a doll. Now, quit complaining, you’re done, take a look," Sutan orders.  
　  
Tommy hasn't even been allowed to peak so far, so when he looks, he's not sure what to say. He looks hot, hell, he can admit it, he looks fuckable. Sutan likes making him pretty or sexy, seems he has gone all out to make Tommy look his sexiest tonight. Every bit of clothing and makeup accentuates an assent he kind of already has; dark eyes darker, full lips plumper. Sutan was always saying he didn't make people pretty, he worked with what they already had and tonight, he'd done an amazing job.  
　  
"Thanks Sutan, I look...." He couldn't think of what to say.  
　  
"Like sin, like sex. I know, baby, you’re the perfect canvas for the look," Sutan shrugs.  
　  
"I'm not trying to get laid tonight you know," Tommy tells the other man, even if he was rebounding from Liam and not in love with Adam, it's just not his style.  
　  
"Even so, it's nice to feel sexy, especially after a break up. Show the world you've still got it." Sutan taps him on the ass playfully and then hugs him. Tt makes Tommy decide to try and not sulk tonight. He's surrounded by awesome people, doing an awesome job, he's not unhappy. Things aren't perfect, but maybe they’re not meant to be. He never believed real life could be perfect anyway; this is close enough for him.  
　  
Adam's name carries enough weight with it that Tommy soon finds himself in the VIP section of some club he doesn't even know its name, but it seems cool. The drinks are flowing, which helps. The VIP area’s too quiet after a while and they came to party, so they head into the main club area. Monte and Isaac find them a table, Sutan and Adam are at the bar. Cam is a traitor who is laughing at him while the dancers try and drag him out to dance. He is not drunk enough for that yet. It feels so good to be with everyone though, he's glad they all came out, even if Terrance abuses the strength he has to pull Tommy out on the dance floor. Freaking dancers muscles; he needs to buff up.  
　  
He's trapped between Brooke and Terrance, Taylor and Sasha beside them, they’re all trying to get Tommy to move more smoothly. He's not the best, not the worst either, but he wishes he'd had a lot more to drink before he got himself dragged out here. He only hopes Monte stops Isaac from taking pictures and tweeting them.  
　  
"What's this? Orgy and I wasn't invited?" Adam asks as he walks past them heading for their table.  
　  
"Save me," Tommy jokes and then watches as Adam frees him from the clutches of the now pouting dancers.  
　  
"Tommy isn't your play thing," Sutan chuckles joining them.  
　  
"He's Adam's," Sutan adds. None contradicts that, because on stage, he is Adam's play thing.  
　  
Tommy doesn't care too much, because it gets him back to the table and a drink. He's feeling pretty mellow, sitting on the outside of the booth, leaning against Adam a little, because he's drunk and he can, while he talks to Isaac opposite him. When someone comes over, he notices their shadow on the tables shiny surface. He thinks maybe it's someone collecting glasses or one of the dancers. But it's not; it's Jeremy. He blinks slowly, like that'll make him disappear. He has to be seeing things. He's somewhere the hell in Europe, he doesn't even know where. He shouldn't be running into Jeremy again in another bar here.  
　  
"Tommy, I saw a pic of the bar on your friend’s Twitter. Couldn't believe it. I mean, I took a late honeymoon, because of the baby and came here and you’re here for work? That's so awesome," Jeremy grins, like he didn't punch Tommy in the gut last time they talked.  
　  
Tommy's eyes drop to Jeremy's hands, taking in the simple wedding band. With the way Jeremy liked to stray, he's surprised he even wears one and in a club? He guess it’s the honeymoon, Jeremy will leave it on for that or maybe he'll cheat with it on. Some people don't care. Hell, Tommy blew him knowing he was engaged, but he hadn't wanted to.  
　  
"Where's your wife?" Tommy asks. It seems like a normal question to ask. It’s his honeymoon, but Jeremy looks a little pissy when he talks.  
　  
The whole tables gone kind of quiet and Tommy thinks even if they remember seeing Jeremy in that other bar, he gets why this is weird for them. It's not a normal conversation, not even started with a hello. Tommy can feel how tense he is and pulls away from Adam, hoping he won't feel it. Jeremy's eyes track the move though and he smirks.  
　  
"She's in the ladies room. I should introduce her, she'll be all impressed and shit that I know someone famous. I think she likes your boyfriend’s music." Jeremy glances at Adam then and Tommy recognizes the ugly look in his eyes. Tommy normally had to watch out for flying fists when Jeremy got that look.  
　  
"He's not my boyfriend, let’s talk somewhere else," Tommy says, standing up as he speaks. He catches a glimpse of worried looks on Cam and Monte's faces. He wants to do something to reassure them, but he doesn't know how. Jeremy looks pissed off. They’re both acting weird and Tommy's willing to bet he doesn't look okay right now. He feels terrified, even though the club is full and Jeremy can't hurt him here, at least physically.  
　  
"Can't wait to get me alone," Jeremy taunts and someone's breath hisses in sharply. Tommy doesn't look behind him to work out who.  
　  
"Cut that shit out. You’re here with your wife," Tommy hisses. Fuck, it probably looks like he's been having an affair or some shit with a married man. He's going to have to explain that.  
　  
"You look twitchy, Tommy Joe. Worried your friends will find out what a slut you are?" Jeremy asks and clearly Mike telling Jeremy he was working hadn't kept him calm. He's pissed at Tommy for not being there when he came and now he'll make Tommy pay. Hurt him unless he puts out, goes with him, let’s him fuck him while his wife looks for them. Tommy could stop Jeremy by going with him now, but he won't, he can't let Jeremy fuck him, use his body and fuck up his head again. He's been doing better, moving forward, it'd be more than a step back, it'd be a fucking marathon worth of steps back. He's afraid, but he's not a kid anymore, he can’t let Jeremy have control over him anymore, over his life. Jeremy is the fuck up, not him. He can do whatever the hell he likes, hit Tommy, beat him, humiliate him, but Tommy will not let him have that control, he's taking that the fuck back.  
　  
"Leave me the fuck alone, Jeremy. Go find your wife," Tommy snarls.  
　  
"Why don't you come with me. We can catch up, didn't get to see you before the wedding," Jeremy suggests. If he goes, Jeremy will fuck him and hurt him. He looks pissed off not turned on. He'll want to punish Tommy, he's seen him in this mood before. The worst time, he had to tell his mom he fell out of a tree trying to get a ball back, he'd been black and blue all over.  
　  
"I don't think you want me to meet your wife." It’s hard as hell to meet Jeremy's eye when he's used to looking down and away when Jeremy is mad. He even tries to make sure his voice is firm and is thankful when his words don't come out shaky.  
　  
"Are you threatening me you little shit? After all I've done for you? The secrets I keep?" Jeremy snarls, getting in his face.  
　  
"Hey," Sutan gasps out, clearly not liking what Jeremy was saying, the way he way acting or maybe both.  
　  
"Keep out of it, fag!" Jeremy hisses.

"Fag? You really want to talk about fags, Jeremy? Cos' you can call me a fag as much as you like, but what does that make you?" Tommy asks, no more running, no more hiding, no more crying. He’s done with it, with all of it.  
　  
"Shut the fuck up or I'll tell them," Jeremy warns, glancing behind where Tommy is standing to everyone at the table.  
　  
"What exactly are you going to tell them? That I'm gay? One: they wouldn't give a fuck and two, they all already know," Tommy spits out and once again, he can see he's shocked Jeremy. He really never thought Tommy would come out, not even to his friends, he doesn't need to know that Tommy hasn't told his mom yet.  
　  
"They know you’re a slut? I guess if any of them have fucked you, they'll know how easy it was to get you and how good you are. Plenty of practice, world class cock sucker," Jeremy spits and it’s kind of gratifying that he's still trying to stop his nose from bleeding.  
　  
Tommy wants to turn, to look at Adam. He's the only person he works with that Tommy has ever been with in anyway. He hopes Adam doesn't believe Jeremy, even though they fooled around in a club, which was sort of slutty and Tommy had been easy to get and good at what he did. Yeah, he'd had a lot of fucking practice, but almost all of it had been with Jeremy, until recently. Even if he was a whore, he doesn't deserve this, never deserved the things Jeremy did to him.  
　  
"Go to hell, Jeremy. All you ever did was use me. I don't want you in my life, if you keep threatening me, I will find your wife. And I will tell her how you cheated, but said it wasn't cheating because I was a man. I'll tell her how you like fucking men and that you’re an abusive asshole. See if she stays with you after that, if you ever see your kid again," Tommy spits out, pissed the hell off. He isn't surprised when Jeremy swings for him, there was no way he'd have let Tommy get away with getting a hit in without retaliating, even if Tommy had played nice. His ears are ringing a little and his jaw’s throbbing, but the fact that everyone in the booth behind him are fighting to be the first to get to Jeremy grabs his attention.  
　  
"No, I don't need protecting from him," Tommy tells them. He looks at his friends, he does, but he can't meet their eyes. God, they probably think he is such a fucked up slut. He turns back to Jeremy.  
　  
"I'm not a little kid anymore, Jeremy. I don't need protecting from you, because I fight back now." Tommy decides to prove his point by hitting Jeremy again, in the eye this time. It doesn't make up for all the times Jeremy hit him, for how scared it made him, but it's something and he'll take what he can get.  
　  
Security are heading over now, he can see them and he wonders just how much shit he is going to get into. He's never been in a fight in a club before, if a few punches even count as a fight.  
　  
"Your going to regret this, Ratliff," Jeremy hisses as a security guard grabs him.  
　  
"No, I won't. You talk shit to the press? I'll tell everyone the whole story, your wife, your family, the cops. You can fuck up my career, sure. But I will destroy your life, it's not like I'll have anything to lose once you go to the press." He doesn't want to lose his job, doesn't want his mom to find out about him being gay from some magazine, but he's right and he won't back down. Jeremy can brand him a slut, but Tommy can tell everyone how Jeremy fucked him and beat him till he left for college.  
　  
"You’re bluffing," Jeremy insists, trying to shrug the bouncer off.  
　  
"I was seventeen when you left for college, Jeremy. I was a minor. Wanna see if I'm bluffing?" Tommy asks, voice shaking, it’s drastic, something he has hardly ever though about, but if Jeremy outs him, people will ask how he knows for sure. And the way Jeremy knows for sure, isn't legal.  
　  
"Fine, go fuck yourself. I hope he kicks your ass to the curb once he's done fucking it," Jeremy hisses, glancing over where Adam is now standing and then back at Tommy.  
　  
He watches as they pull Jeremy through the crowd. He looks like a normal guy, well a normal guy with a bloody nose and an eye that's starting to swell closed. Tommy had once separated Jeremy into two different people in his mind. One was the kind, older boy that had been his friend, played with him even though he was younger and couldn't do some of the stuff Jeremy and the older kids could. The other half, well that had been the monster who hurt him. Used his body for pleasure, beat on him when he was angry or just when he liked it sometimes. He'd turned a part of Jeremy into some sort of boogieman, scary as hell, the thing of nightmares. The two halves were the same person though, but they made something very different to the two halves that he'd kept in his head all these years. Jeremy wasn't his friend, never had been, not a true friend. Jeremy had made friends with someone younger because he'd known a kid who was younger than him would be easier to control. Maybe he even tried his games with the kids his own age and saw it would never work. He wasn't a monster either, though, something hiding in his closet that he had to be afraid of. He'd hit Jeremy, made him bleed. Hit him back when he got hit. You couldn't fight against a monster, but you could fight against a man. And that is all Jeremy was, a man. A twisted, fucked up, abusive man, but still only human. He wasn't afraid, not the way he used to be anyway. He hoped the fear would keep on fading till it was gone completely.  
　  
"Tommy, do you need some ice?" Cam asks softly, while Monte and Adam talk quietly to some guy in a suit about what happened, convincing him not to throw Tommy out even though he threw the first punch.  
　  
"It's fine." His hand hurts, but not so much that he can't move it. His jaw aches, but he can't taste blood and pressing his tongue to his teeth shows him that none of them are loose or broken as far as he can tell. He'll be fine, he's had worse, hell, he's had worse from Jeremy.  
　  
Isaac pats him on the shoulder before hurrying over to the dancers, who are all still on the dance floor. But they’re not dancing and by the way they are looking over, Tommy would bet they caught some of the show.  
　  
"I don't normally do violence, but I think I'm glad you hit him," Sutan says coming to stand at his other side. He doesn't seem mad, Tommy thought he might be. Some guy who is meant to be his friend just came over and called Sutan a fag, made rude and crude comments about their fictional sex life. Sutan shouldn't have had to hear that, didn't deserve to be caught up in Tommy's shit.  
　  
"Hun? You okay?" Sutan presses when Tommy stays quiet.  
　  
"I'm sorry, he said that stuff to you, about you," Tommy mutters.  
　  
"Oh, Tommy. You are not to blame for what some bigot asshole calls me. Knowing him does not make you responsible for his actions," Sutan says firmly.  
　  
"Possibly, but if I'd just left with him straight away....." Tommy trails off, because really his friends here don't really even know who Jeremy is. All Tommy had said last time was that Jeremy was an old friend, he hadn't gone into any details.  
　

"What, he'd have just been as asshole to you? Maybe hurt you?" Sutan asks.  
　  
Tommy drops his head, he can't say if he left with Jeremy he would have probably ended up letting him fuck him. He probably would have got hurt, too. Maybe not quite the way Sutan was thinking, but still. He can cope with ending up bruised and bloody after being around Jeremy, but he can’t stand the idea of Jeremy hurting his friends, even if it's just with words. He knows the damage words can do.  
　  
Cam takes a hold of the hand he didn't hit Jeremy with and squeezes gently. It seems like nobody hates him yet, even though they heard what Jeremy was saying to him, about him. Sutan leaves his side, coming to stand in front of him before stepping close and hugging him.  
　  
"Get your eyes off the floor, baby. You have no reason to be ashamed, none. Don't hide from us," Sutan talks gently, stroking his back, like he is trying to make Tommy feel better and the hug is awkward because Cam never lets go of his hand. He has awesome friends. He doesn't know how the fuck he ever thought what he and Jeremy had was friendship.  
　  
Isaac comes back over to tell them they’re leaving, the police aren't going to be involved, but they need to go. Isaac and Taylor grab everybody's stuff while Monte and Adam disappear, probably to get the car service to come get them early. Tommy takes his jacket when it’s handed to him and let’s Sutan and Cam herd him out of the club when Adam calls Brooke to let her know the cars are there. Tommy tries not to think too much about the fact that Tommy ends up in a car with everyone who was at the table when he had his fight, minus Adam who is riding with everyone who couldn't have heard every word. No one really talks and by the time they make it back to the hotel, Tommy feels like he is crawling out of his skin and annoyingly enough, stone cold sober. Apparently getting clocked in the jaw cancelled out the nice mellow buzz he had going on before things went to shit. Tommy regrets letting himself be guided when he ends up being taken to Adam's master suite along with everyone in the band and all the dancers.  
　  
"Tommy, we just want to talk, okay?" Monte sighs.  
　  
Tommy nods tacking a seat in an armchair. He doesn't want to lose his job, for any of them to think he's normally a violent person. But he doesn't really want to talk about it or look at anyone or be close to them, so he sits alone and waits for everyone else to sit.  
　  
"I'm sorry I caused trouble. I don't know what else to say." Tommy hates talking to a room filled with silent people, it’s weird.  
　  
"Tommy, dude, we're not mad," Isaac frowns.  
　  
"What else to say?" Adam repeats, he's sitting on a sofa in between Monte and Sutan, he's holding Sutan's hand and he looks like he's really upset. Maybe he doesn't like Tommy now that he's seen this side of him.  
　  
"Who was that guy?" Sasha asks in a small voice, like she's maybe afraid to ask but wants to know.  
　  
"Jeremy, I knew him when I was a kid. He lived down the street from me," Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"He was at a club before, a few months back," Taylor remembers and Tommy nods, no point lying now.  
　  
"Why was a married guy talking about you being a slut and stuff ,Tommy. You said he cheated, I know you wouldn't go with someone if you knew they were married," Isaac frowns.  
　  
"I blew him twice while he was engaged and he wanted to fuck me for his bachelor party, but I ditched it, which was why he was so mad. I, uh, only did it so he wouldn't tell. He knows my mom and she still doesn't know I've been with men. I hadn't told you guys the first time and then he'd made it clear he'd tell everyone, even the press if I didn't do what he wanted," Tommy blurts out, he wants Isaac and the others to know that he doesn't condone cheating, he just didn't have a choice. Couldn't see another choice when he did it anyway.  
　  
"Tell what, just that your bi?" Cam asks.  
　  
"I'm not actually bi, I don't really like girls. Kissing is fun, sex is okay, but yeah. I was with women because I though I should be. Jeremy always said it couldn't work with men and I believed him. Yeah, he was gonna out me and share our sex life," Tommy admits.  
　  
"You slept with him? But he seemed really homophobic!" Taylor looks very surprised and really fucking young. Tommy has to remind himself that it's okay for Taylor to hear shit like this, he's not that young. Tommy was younger when he was doing the things he was talking about.  
　  
" I have awesome taste in boyfriends," Tommy shrugs.  
　  
"You dated that creep?" Terrance shudders. Clearly the dancers got a blow by blow account of what happened in the club from Adam in the car. Adam isn't as chatty now, damn near silent. Tommy would rather he just call him a slut and kick him out than this, the silent treatment.

Well sort of, I thought it was dating till he told me we were just friends fucking," Tommy shrugs. He stares at his lap, he can't stand seeing the pity on there faces.  
　  
"What kind of crap is that? Please tell me you told him to get lost," Brooke frowns.  
　  
"Is that why he was mad? Because you dumped him?" Sasha adds.  
　  
Fuck, he’s been dreading this part, having them all find out just how pathetic he was.  
　  
"I, uh, stayed friends with him for a few more years, till he stopped coming home from college. We'd still do stuff and I get that it was stupid, I do, but I thought he gave a shit. I thought what we had was normal. Then I grew up, realized how fucked up it was and tried to make sure no one ever found out," Tommy groans.  
　  
"Was he the guy you told us about. The ex you lost your virginity to?" Monte asks. He looks tired, like this whole night has worn him out. Tommy hates himself for putting that look on Monte's face, and he hides right behind his bangs again.  
　  
"Yeah, that was Jeremy. Till Liam, he was the only guy I was with more than once." Tommy doesn't want to talk about this, but if he tells them all to get lost? Goes to his room, they might not understand the fight. They will think he's just violent and unpredictable; he might lose his job.  
　  
"But he called Sutan a fag, he's homophobic. Why was he even sleeping with a guy?" Isaac asks.  
　  
"I don't know what the fuck he was thinking. I don't know why he started things between us, I just don't know," Tommy sighs.  
　  
"Sounds fucked up," Taylor mutters.  
　  
"Agreed." Tommy thinks this whole thing is fucked up, not just Jeremy.  
　  
"I don't get it, I thought you were straight, then you’re dating some guy and then you break up. Now some other ex is turning up?" Terrance frowns.  
　  
"Maybe you should start from the beginning, baby?" Sutan suggests.  
　  
"Fine. I met Jeremy when I was five. He's four years older. When I was ten, we started messing around. When I was twelve, I let him fuck me. I thought he loved me, thought he was my boyfriend. When I was thirteen, he told me we were just friends. I kept fucking him till I graduated high school, including during the breaks he had from college. He stopped coming around when I was eighteen. I tried to see if I could do casual with other men, but it didn't work. So I dated girls, which I was shit at as well. Then Jeremy showed up at a bar and threatened to out me," Tommy grits out the bare details. He fucking hates his life right now. He wishes Brad was here. The other man could do this for him, he has heard it all by now.  
　  
"How could you not be out already? If you were with someone for all those years?" Cam asks.  
　  
"My family and our other friends didn't know, and still don't. At first, Jeremy said not to tell anyone, because we were young and my parents; they’re not homophobic, but they wouldn't have liked it, especially my Dad. It made sense at the time, but I get that he just didn't want people knowing he was fucking a guy," Tommy shrugs, he had been so stupid; no dates, no one knowing, and Tommy had believed that was a real relationship.  
　  
"So you kept it secret all this time?" Sasha asks.  
　  
"Brad knows. He walked in on something when I ran into Jeremy at that bar. I ended up explaining shit." Hell, what Brad had walked in on hadn't really needed a lot of explaining, but the fact that it was Tommy on his knees did.  
　  
"Brad knew about Jeremy?" Adam asks, breaking his silence.  
　  
"Yeah, he was going to tell you, but I begged him not to. I looked pathetic enough that he agreed. We started talking more after that." Tommy is still so thankful that Brad kept his secret for him.  
　  
"When you had that split lip, did you have a fight with that Jeremy guy?" Adam asks, looking pale.  
　  
Well Jeremy had hit him that day, but he hadn't punched him in the mouth. Tommy grits his teeth and closes his eyes. No one else had known about his lip being split the day he moved in with Brad.  
　  
"Split lip?" Sutan repeats.  
　  
"Fuck, Adam, they didn't know!" Tommy hissed.  
　  
"Was it him?" Adam pressed.  
　  
"Yes, it was Jeremy. He punched me in the stomach and fucked my face till it split my lip open. Happy now?" Tommy spits out, pissed at Adam for dragging more of his private life out into the public.  
　  
"Jesus, fuck. Tommy, you had sex with him after he hit you?" Monte looked appalled.  
　  
"I blew him, that's not even sex. And it's not like I wanted to. He showed up at my place and threatened to out me to my mom. I wasn't putting that shit on her, she's been so upset since my Dad passed. I can't have her know about Jeremy." Tommy rubs his hand over his face. God he hates this, he wants the ground to swallow him up.  
　  
"He blackmailed you?" Brooke asks, wide eyed.  
　  
"Fuck." Isaac looks like he might be sick.  
　  
"Why did he hit you? I mean, he was blackmailing you, so he didn't even need to hurt you," Cam frowns.  
　  
"I wouldn't let him kiss me," He whispers. All he'd been able to think of was how it had felt kissing Adam on stage. He hadn't wanted Jeremy to taint that.  
　  
"He hit you because you wouldn't kiss him?" Terrance is staring at him like Tommy's grown a second head.  
　  
"What kind of psycho were you dating?" Isaac asks.  
　  
　  
"Why did you move?" Adam asks.  
　  
"Because he wanted to come back and fuck me for his stag night. I couldn't do it, I freaked and ran to a hotel. Brad knew about Jeremy, so when I told him, he tried to help me." The second Brad had seen him he'd been worried, and then when they had talked, Brad had been determined that Jeremy would never get near him again. Well Jeremy had got near, but personally Tommy thought it had gone a little better, just way more public than he'd have preferred. But a small, fucking irritating voice, points out that every time he was alone with Jeremy he ended up on his knees, and that could have easily happened tonight if Jeremy had found him alone.  
　  
"I can't believe Brad never said anything," Adam frowned.  
　  
"We asked you if you were abused, you said you weren't, but Jeremy seemed to back off when you said you could press charges," Monte points out.  
　  
"It wasn't abuse, but I was underage, so he'd get in trouble," Tommy mumbled.  
　  
"Tommy, you expect us to believe the homophobic older guy, who we know hurt you, did nothing wrong other than sleep with you when you were underage?" Sutan asks.  
　  
"We saw him hit you," Cam sighs.  
　  
"You admitted moving to hide from him," Brooke adds.  
　  
"Stop lying, Tommy," Adam looks, Tommy doesn't even know; worried, upset, pissed off, maybe all three?  
　  
It pisses him off, he has been trying so hard to keep his life from falling apart. He has done so much to keep his past with Jeremy a secret, he even blew the guy twice to keep the band and dancers from knowing anything about his past. He had hated himself for letting Jeremy use him again. All these years later, after he had thought he was done with it all. He feels like every wall he ever put up to protect himself is crumbling down around him and there isn't anything he can do about it. He feels broken and venerable.  
　  
"I, he was my friend, the first person I ever loved. I don't want to think of it as abuse. I can't. The sex was consensual, he only pushed me into it a few times, fuck. Just because he beat me up a few times doesn't mean I was abused." He can't understand his own feelings about Jeremy, let alone explain them to a room full of people. He stands up taking in just how horrified they all look now, he can't do this.  
　  
"I'm going to go sleep. Call Brad if you want to know anything else. He knows it all. I can't talk anymore. Christ, I finally stood up to him. I'm fucking drained and I can't do this anymore." Tommy heads for the door before anyone can think to unfreeze and stop him. He's meant to be sharing a room with Isaac, so going back to his room by no means guarantees privacy, but he has a feeling Isaac will stay with the others and talk long enough for Tommy to pretend to be asleep when he does get back. Tommy kicks his shoes off and gets into his soft hotel bed fully clothed. It might as well be harder than the bunks in the bus. He won't sleep tonight. He feels too raw, like he's been gutted and everything that should be kept inside has spilled out all over the floor. He guesses it kind of has.


	9. Chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Adam talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot

Adam POV  
　  
　  
A simple night out to get over an ex he was already over. That was all it was meant to be. He'd been having fun, the warm weight of Tommy Joe against his side a pleasant tease. And then he had felt the blonde's body stiffen and had turned to see a guy who looked pretty normal and oddly familiar. He'd soon realized it was Tommy's friend from months before and hadn't understood why Tommy suddenly wanted to be anywhere but with them. He'd understood why once the guy started talking. Crude, homophobic and apparently the man Tommy lost his virginity to.  
　  
The second his hotel door shut, he pulled his cell phone out, it was already ringing before the rest of the people in the room had managed to tear their eyes from the door or Tommy's now empty seat. The moment Brad answered, Adam switched his cell onto speaker phone.  
　  
"Adam, I don't know what time zone you’re in, but it's fucking early here," Brad groans into the phone. He sounds like he’s hardly even conscious.  
　  
"Why didn't you tell me about Tommy! You have to know I'd want to know so I could talk to him or something. Shit." Adam had seen the bloody lip, he should have pushed, ask more questions, but at the time Tommy looked so damn defeated, he hadn't and then at the lunch with Monte, he'd let Tommy run off without really answering. He was such a fuck up.  
　  
　  
"Tommy had a right to tell you he's in love with you when he was comfortable, Adam. I know you just broke up with what's-his-face, but I thought you'd be thrilled," Brad yawns loudly into the phone, and Adam is pretty sure every person in the room has to pick their jaw up from were it’s hit the floor.  
　  
"Brad, I was calling to ask why you didn't tell me that Tommy's ex boyfriend beat on him and blackmailed him," Adam says softly.  
　  
"Fuck, any way you can forget I said that?" Brad asks.  
　  
"That's not really possible. You’re on speaker phone talking to me, Monte, Isaac, Cam, Sutan, Sasha, Taylor, Terrance and Brooke," Adam sighs.  
　  
"Well shit, where's Tommy?" Brad asks.  
　  
"He went to his room," Adam groans.  
　  
"Well I'll have to apologize for that slip. Wait, you all know about Jeremy?" Brad asks.  
　  
"Tommy said if we had more questions to ask you," Monte explains.  
　  
"Tell me what you already know," Brad sighs and Isaac runs through what they have seen and heard; boy always seems to have the best memory of anything that's been said around him.  
　  
"I can't believe he showed up in another country and when Tommy was doing so well. I wish I'd punched him when I got the chance," Brad growls.  
　  
"When did you get the chance?" Adam asks and soon regrets it when Brad explains what really happened back in the bar where they had all first got a glimpse at Jeremy. How Brad hadn't taken Tommy home because he was drunk. Adam hates how easily he can picture Tommy on his knees in some bathroom, hates how it makes him wonder if he used Tommy too, when they first met. The blonde's so used to being used, no wonder he let’s Adam do whatever the hell he likes on stage.  
　  
"He was so cut up inside over it all and ashamed that I'd seen him. So maybe I kept something huge from you, Adam, but at the time it was the right thing to do. Tommy wasn't anywhere near ready for people to know then. Maybe he is now that he’s stood up to that scum bag," Brad sounds pissed off and on the verge of tears and Adam had almost forgotten that Brad is Tommy's roommate, his best friend and he's been watching the blonde hurt for months.  
　  
Adam glances up when he hears a soft sound and notices Cam and Sasha hugging each other. They’re both crying and next to them, Isaac looks pale and a little green, like he might actually be sick.  
　  
"I don't know how to help him, how to fix this," Adam admits.  
　  
"Adam, baby, he doesn't need you to fix it for him. He's not a damsel in distress and he’s been handling this for years. He fought back, he did that. What you can do is remind him of that, remind him he's so much stronger than he thinks he is," Brad sounds proud and Adam thinks maybe he should be. Some people go all their lives without ever being able to confront their abusers and where as it doesn't make them weak, it does make Tommy strong.  
　  
"Can you tell us the rest, what the bastard has been doing to Tommy?" Monte asks and his voice sounds a little too thick, like he might be fighting back tears. The only time Adam has known Monte to cry was at the birth of his children.  
　  
"As much as I know? I guess, no more secrets. If any of you upset him though, I will come kick your asses," Brad warns.  
　  
"Honey, we'd do it ourselves. That boys been through enough hurt without us adding on to it," Sutan sighs. His face looks ashen, eyes wide with shock. But Adam has always been and still is amazed by how regal Sutan looks, even when he is on the verge of balling like a baby.  
　  
They all sit and listen to Brad talk, no one says anything and the only sounds that fill the room other than Brad’s voice through the phones is the soft, muffled sound of tears. When Brad has told them everything he can, he says good night after telling them he will be calling Tommy to check on him in the morning and to leave him alone till then, give him time to lick his wounds. Everyone leaves to go to their rooms, faces pale and stunned; they remind Adam of disaster victims. He showers and gets changed, taking forever over every little thing, all to try and delay having to go to bed. He doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts. Terrance and Taylor had left practically arm in arm. Monte had walked out flanking Isaac and Sutan, and the girls had formed some sort of group hug. He doubts any of them have gone to bed alone. Adam wishes he had asked someone to stay, wishes he had someone to curl around and get lost in. He can't help thinking of Tommy. Tommy who has been through hell and is probably all alone in his bed, had been alone while they all sat around talking about his life, his past. Adam has never considered himself a violent man, but if he saw Jeremy again, he would do more than hit him, he would stomp all over him.  
　  
In the end, he caves and calls Neil, acting like he just thinks Neil needs to know everything as soon as possible, seen as he wasn't there when it all came out. But it’s not true, he hasn't called Lane up to his room. He's leaving telling her about the fight until the morning. But sitting on his bed in the early hours he tells Neil everything, from his first meeting with Tommy, which makes Neil pull a face, to everything about Jeremy, which makes Neil look ready to kill. By the time he has told him everything, Adam can’t hold the tears in any longer.  
　  
　  
"Fuck, he was in so much pain and I was too jealous and self involved to notice," Adam sobs and is a little surprised when Neil pulls him into a hug. Neil doesn't do emotional or emotional hugging.  
　  
"Hey, none of us saw it, Adam. He was really good at hiding it, abuse victims are. Don't blame yourself for this, just be there for him, okay?" Neil whispers fiercely into his ear, hugging him tightly.  
　  
Neil doesn't go back to his room, he bitches a little, but he gets under the covers with Adam and they fall asleep cuddling. Adam is pretty sure Neil would deny hugging his adult brother to sleep under torture, which makes him the worlds best little brother to Adam. He's not sure if it's because he did it even though it's something he can never admit to or not.  
　  
Neil calls him a cover hogging jerk and a drama queen when Adam points out they’re his covers when they wake up in the morning, and instantly all the good will he was feeling towards his sibling disappears. They both seem equally relived when they stop being overly nice to each other and it makes Adam feel normal. Some things never change and the silly bickering between him and Neil is one of those things. It makes Adam smile, helps him feel more like this is just another day, like a bomb didn't just land but land and exploded in their faces last night.  
　  
By the time he's showered and dressed, Neil has left. When Adam gets to Tommy and Isaac's room, Isaac lets him in; cell phone pressed to his ear as he talks to his wife. It sounds like they’re talking about yoga, but whatever. Adam guess it can't always be phone sex, unless that is their idea of phone sex and they get off on yoga. Adam's seen weirder kinks and flexible people are hot. The reason he is in the room isn't to speculate about Isaac's love life, though. Tommy is sitting on his bed, Sutan is doing his makeup and if the punch left any marks on his face, they are already covered.  
　  
"Morning," Adam's smile is a little strained. He didn't cope well last night, he is terrified Tommy might be mad at him.  
　  
"Brad already told me he let slip to everyone that I'm in love with you," Tommy tells him calmly as Sutan applies eye shadow and pretends like he isn't listening to every single word.  
　  
"Oh." Adam really hadn't expected or planned for that. He'd came expecting anger, had been ready to apologize, but now all of his carefully rehearsed words are useless.  
　  
"Say something? Even if you think it's something I don't want to hear. I won't break." Tommy does look stronger this morning, dressed the same way he always does, makeup adding to his pretty face. Adam wouldn't say he looks happy or confidant, but maybe like he's at peace with what has been happening?  
　  
"I'm in love with you." He can show a shred of bravery after how brave Tommy has been. He shouldn't feel sick with terror over saying a few words.  
　  
"Well take me to dinner then," Tommy suggests, giving him a look that Adam can only describe as defiant.  
　  
"Lunch. We have a concert," Adam counters. He doesn't want to wait for a free day to take Tommy on a date. He wants to do it now. Hell, he's told Tommy he loves him and Tommy is meant to be in love with him. They need to talk about that alone, a date seems like the perfect place for that kind of talk.  
　  
Sutan smirks at them for the rest of the morning. Adam had let Neil tell Lane about the fight in the club and why it had happened. When Adam tells her he and Tommy are disappearing for lunch together, she doesn't even argue or warn them not to be late getting back. Adam doesn't think he has ever gone any where before a concert or interview, including the bathroom, without Lane reminding him not to be late.

"Oh hun, we’re back in the hotel tonight. You can wait till then. I mean, you just had your first date," Sutan points out.  
　  
"We've both been waiting for this for a really long time," Adam shrugs.  
　  
"Well enjoy the anticipation. You’re past the hardest part, you've got your man," Sutan points out. Adam nods, tries to relax. He wants to enjoy the show, not feel like he's rushed things so that he can get Tommy alone. He knows performing and the fans mean the world to Tommy as well. He won't fuck with that just to get laid. Adam is stupidly nervous considering he has been to lunch with Tommy before, but this is different, they both know it’s a date, not a meal between friends. Hell, everyone else around them knows it’s a date as well, which adds pressure. Adam's pretty sure every single person on the tour would have his balls if he were to fuck this up. He doesn't even want to think what Brad would do to him; burn all his clothes, maybe his house. Hell, Adam isn't even sure Brad would make sure he wasn't in the house if he upset Tommy.  
　  
They go to some small out the way dinner. It serves the sort of food Adam would normally avoid unless he'd spent the day in the gym, but it's the sort of stuff that Tommy will love. It's not a romantic restaurant, but they’re on a time limit and when they walk in, Adam sees Tommy smile. He looks happy as they find a booth, his smile getting wider as he reads the menu.  
　  
"I'm not going to stop dancing tonight, work this meal off," Adam chuckles.  
　  
"Oh yeah, I'm totally going to have to head bang away the calories," Tommy smirks.  
　  
"Skinny bitch," Adam pouts.  
　  
"You love it," Tommy laughs, eyes sparkling as he looks at Adam over the menu.  
　  
"Yeah, I kind of do," Adam admits. Hell, he wants to tell Tommy he loves him, but it'd be weird on a first date, and Adam has a feeling that the words he wants to say are showing on his face, because Tommy reaches over and takes his hand from across the table.  
　  
"Chocolate chip pancakes, it sort of counts as real food, right?" Tommy asks and Adam just laughs.  
　  
They order coffee, Tommy does go with the pancakes, where as Adam goes for real food with a grilled chicken and bacon sandwich. He tries to pretend the salad in the sandwich makes up for the bacon, but he'll definitely be doing his best to get some exercise in soon. They’re chatting and it’s casual, fun, but Adam has a serious question nagging at him.  
　  
"Tommy, I want to ask something, I'll believe your answer and only ask once. After last night, are you ready for something serious? Because I'm serious about you," Adam sighs, stroking his fingertips over Tommy's knuckles, distracted by how pale his hands are. Adam looks really tanned next to him.  
　  
"A few months back? No I wasn't, wasn't ready to love anyone. But I'm doing a lot better than I was before. Being with Liam helped me, he was good for me. I needed to see I could date someone, sleep with someone without, I dunno, violence, hate or resentment. He was a good man, who wishes me genuine luck with this by the way. But yeah, I'm ready now, to be with someone seriously," Tommy shrugs, blushing a little.  
　  
"I feel like I should thank him, for helping you realize you can be with someone. I was jealous of him, that he had you, but I can't hate him now," Adam admits.  
　  
The waitress comes over and they both fall quiet, only talking again once she is gone and they’re starting their lunch.  
　  
"I ended things with Liam when I realized I was in love with you," Tommy sounds around a forkful of pancake.  
　  
"Really? I, uh, ended things with Rick for the same reason. I think we were more casual, though. I never met his family or anything." Adam could still remember that lunch. Not only had he found out Tommy was dating a man, he had also seen that Tommy's boyfriend’s family knew him; normally a sign of a serious relationship.  
　  
Even tougher was that they were in and out each others lives all the time, so neither of them know much about the others relationship. So they talk about them, both agreeing that talking about it now is better than either of them being left wondering about things. They talk about how they met their exes, what things were like between them, and how it ended. Adam thinks they are both a little surprised by how easy their break ups went, how they’re both on good terms with their exes. Adam thought he would be more jealous hearing about another man dating Tommy. But Liam has clearly done wonders for Tommy's confidence and self esteem. Adam can't be mad at him for that. They finish eating and order more coffee. Adam is on his third refill and Tommy his forth when they end up talking about sex. Adam had been teasing Tommy about being so sexy and submissive on stage lately and Tommy smirks. Adam can't resist and asks why, but he's not ready for the answer he gets.  
　  
"I always topped Liam," Tommy shrugs, looking a little smug.  
　  
Adam feels a booted foot rubbing against his ankle and raises Tommy's hand to his mouth meaning just to press a light kiss to his skin. Instead he sucks Tommy's finger in to his mouth, the way he once had Tommy do to him on stage. Adam glances around guiltily, but no one seems to be watching them.  
　  
"Fuck, the idea of you in control is really hot. Maybe I should let you grab me on stage," Adam smiles, trying to joke it off and not act like he's turned on as fuck.  
　  
Tommy's foot drops for a second and Adam thinks he's quit teasing, till he hears the thump of Tommy's boot being kicked off and feels his foot return, sliding all the way up the inside of Adam's leg till it's pressing lightly against his crotch. He's playing footsie in a busy dinner, and he's getting hard in a dinner during lunch rush. He should push Tommy's foot out of his lap, but he doesn't.  
　  
"Only on stage?" Tommy asks, expression as innocent as anything. The angel act so isn't fooling Adam. He can feel the blonde's foot rubbing at him boldly through the stiff denim of his jeans.  
　  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Adam moans.  
　  
"That a yes?" Tommy asks.  
　  
"I think I'll take whatever I can get, including you in charge. You can do whatever the hell you want to me, Tommy. Consider me your play thing on and off stage. I know you know I normally top, but yeah, the idea of you topping me is a turn on," Adam rambles. He's turned on and his brain is supplying endless images of him and Tommy together, each of them exploring the other’s body and taking turns to dominate each other. Adam hardly ever bottoms, hasn't in longer than he can remember, but he is more than happy to try again with Tommy.  
　  
"I don't think you'll ever turn into a bottom, Adam, but I think I can make you a switch. Fuck, I bet I could make a lot of men jealous," Tommy teases.  
　  
"Is lunch over?" Adam whimpers. Tommy's foot hasn't stopped moving since it landed in his lap. He is a little bit freaked out over the fact that Tommy is best friends with one of his exes. He has no idea what Brad might have told him, what advantage Tommy might have. Not to mention the fact that Tommy might tell Brad about the fact that he has Adam embracing the role of switch in a way he hasn't even considered in a long time. He's screwed, he will be teased, and he couldn't give a fuck.  
　  
"Lunch is so over. Shit, how much time do we have?" Tommy asks as Adam pulls his wallet out and pays the bill, cursing at the way he has to shift his hips against Tommy's foot to get his wallet out.  
　  
"Sneak past Lane?" Adam suggest. He grabs Tommy's hand and all but drags him from the booth. The hotel isn't far, but they take a cab anyway to save time. Adam tries really hard to limit touching Tommy's hand; he mostly fails.  
　  
They stumble into the hotels lobby, Adam with his arms wrapped around Tommy, the blonde’s back pressed to his chest. It makes walking a challenge, but it hides how hard Adam is in his tight jeans. It also feels really damn good to have Tommy's slight body pressed against him. Tommy might have teased him with the idea of wanting to top, but by the way Tommy is grinding his ass back against Adam's dick, he's pretty sure the blonde wouldn't object to doing things the other way round. They make it into the elevator and the doors are closing, when Lane appears. It's like something out of a movie. One second they can just see her through the closing doors and the next, she has a foot in a gap that looked like it should have been too small and the doors have opened to let her in.  
　  
"Where do you think you were going?" Lane looks very pointedly at him.  
　  
"My room, maybe Tommy's," Adam admits.  
　  
"No, you have an interview, put your bassist down," Lane smirks.  
　  
Adam would deny whimpering if there weren't two people who would call bullshit. Tommy presses a gentle kiss to his cheek and pulls away.  
　  
"Come see me when you finish up," Tommy tells him, smiling softly. His smile is sweet, but his eyes are full of heat, and it’s a killer combination.  
　  
"Soon as I'm done, I'll come to your room," Adam promises.  
　  
He leaves Tommy in the elevator, even though it’s the last thing he wants to do and walks back into the lobby with Lane.  
　  
"I hate you," Adam groans.  
　  
　  
"Poor baby. Good date then?" Lane smirks.  
　  
"Yes," Adam can't help smiling sappily, he's really fucking happy.  
　  
He's not too happy when he has to sit through a stupidly long interview, horny and bored. He has never wanted to answer questions less. It's not even a good interview, they don't ask about the music, the band, his fans, anything with meaning. It’s not an interview, it’s a game of confirm or deny the rumour. Normally some of the more ludicrous ones would make him laugh, but it just annoys him instead, because he could be with Tommy instead of having to deny being Lady GaGa's brother.  
　  
He texts Tommy when he finishes up the interview and in the car going back to the hotel. He gets a picture text back that makes him choke. It's a picture of Tommy laid out on his hotel bed and he's not wearing anything. The sheet is pulled up to his waist, but the way it’s arranged makes it very clear he has on nothing underneath.  
　  
He's ready to run up to Tommy's room, but Lane stops him.  
　  
"We need to get to the venue, I need to start rounding people up. Go get Tommy and don't make me have to come get the two of you," Lane warns. Adam does not want to be walked in on by Lane during anything with Tommy.  
　  
"You’re a cruel woman," Adam pouts. He has a naked picture of Tommy and he's going to have to be careful as hell with his phone, but he is more than ready to be naked with Tommy. He doesn’t want to go up to the blonde’s room and tell him to put clothes on.  
　  
Adam sulks all the way up to Tommy's room. He stops outside and calls Tommy. There is no way, if he sees the other man naked in the flesh, that he will be able to resist him. He won't tell Tommy to get dressed, he'd strip down and join him in bed and then Lane would get the hotel manager and probably end up walking in on something Adam never wants her to see and the band would never let him forget.  
　  
"You need to get dressed. We have to go to the venue," Adam sighs, the second Tommy answers.  
　  
"Oh for fuck sake! How many times are we going to get cock blocked? Do they not get that I've wanted to get fucked by you for years?" Tommy moans.  
　  
"Years?" Adam repeats, his mouth going dry.  
　  
"Ever since I blew you. I used to think about it. You were my jerk off material for years," Tommy says, his tone a little breathy.  
　  
"I was? Or still am?" Adam asks, leaning against the hallway wall. He's getting turned on a little. But he's waited so long for this, he wants to indulge a little.  
　  
"You still are. Shit, I better get dressed now before I get distracted and start jerking off to the sound of your voice," Tommy's voice is a little husky and Adam is willing to bet he's turned on as well.  
　  
"Tease, hurry up and get out here. We might have time to make out a little before we have to get changed for the show," Adam purrs. He really wants to kiss Tommy before he gets on stage. He wants a real kiss, something that is just for them instead of an audience. He hangs up so he won't be tempted to say anything that might slow Tommy down. Tommy doesn't keep him waiting, he's dressed and falling out the door, rumpled and beautiful, minutes later.  
　  
Adam pulls him into his arms before the door has even shut, cups the blonde’s jaw and tips his head up to get the angle right and then they are kissing. He doesn't even bother teasing, no simple presses of lips, he just licks right into Tommy's mouth, the smaller man opening up to him beautifully. Adam backs him up into a wall, trying to memorize his taste, the feel of his warm body, soft and hard but all in the right places.  
　  
Adam possibly uses every swear word known to man when his cell phone starts going off and of course, it’s Lane so he can't reject the call, instead he holds Tommy close with one arm and holds the phone to his ear with the other, all the while trying not to moan whilst Tommy attacks his neck like a real little vampire.  
　  
When they have to go down to meet everyone and go to the cars, they’re both grumpy. Enough so that Sutan asks him if his date with Tommy went badly.  
　  
"Nope, it was great," Adam smiles, fiddling with one of the eye shadows Sutan has laid out.  
　  
"Then what’s with the face? You look like somebody killed a puppy, your puppy." Sutan swats his hand so that he drops the eye shadow.  
　  
"It was a really good date," Adam moans.  
　  
"Why would that make you grumpy?" Sutan frowns.  
　  
"Lane keeps cock blocking," Adam sighs.  
　  
　  
　  
　  
It’s a good show, he's full of energy and so turned on from just being around Tommy that giving songs a sexy edge, writhing around the stage, it all seems natural to him. The crowd loves it, the dancers and his band smirk whenever he gets close to Tommy, which is every fucking five minutes. He can't stop stalking the blonde around the stage and is rewarded with teasing and heated looks whenever he gets close. If the kiss during Fever runs a little longer than normal, no one seems to care. if he's a little too touchy feely when he introduces Tommy? Well the audience don't seem to mind, they just scream louder.  
　  
Adam loves the show, loves his fans, but he has never been happier to get off stage in his life.  
　  
"You two can’t fuck backstage!" Neil yells when he spots Adam yanking Tommy into his arms a little roughly.  
　  
"Or in the changing rooms. Go sign, be quick and then get a room where none of us can hear you," Monte smiles. It should embarrass him, knowing everyone knows he and Tommy are going to have sex tonight, but it doesn't. Hell, he wants to shout it from the rooftops.  
　  
They rush through signing, never touching, but Tommy keeps right by his side the whole time. The second they’re back at the hotel, they ditch everyone else, the rest of the group head for the hotel bar and Adam leads the way to his room. Tommy had admitted at the venue to not having the right supplies in his room as he hadn't planned on getting laid. Adam always kept condoms just in case, practically a boy scout. Adam manages to keep his hands to himself all the way to his room, but all bets are off the second he shuts the door behind him. Tommy kisses him first, rough, filled with passion, like he's hungry for it and Adam lets him dominate the kiss whilst he starts working on getting Tommy naked. Neither of them had even bothered to change at the venue, a time saving fact that he's now cursing due to all the damn buttons he has to undo.  
　  
Adam is what he'd like to think of as persistent, but Neil would call stubborn though and eventually he has a very naked Tommy Joe plastered to his front. The picture has nothing on what Tommy looks like naked in the flesh and Adam wants to lick every inch of him. Adam decided he had better get his own stage clothes off before he gets anything on them. That would give Lane a heart attack and Tommy seems very on board with the plan. Although his method of undressing seems to be more groping whatever skin he can find, than actually helping, but Adam really isn't about to complain about a hand on his dick.

"How do you want this to go?" Adam asks, nipping at the tender skin behind Tommy's ear, which made the blonde wiggle against him in a way that felt pretty fucking fantastic with the both of them naked and hard, pressed close together.  
　  
"I haven't in years, but uh, I want you to fuck me," Tommy pants, moving like he's trying to get even closer than he is, his hands wandering restlessly. Adam is very much okay with that plan. As much as the idea of Tommy fucking him turns him on, as much as knowing that is a possibility for them has him wanting it, he has had dreams about fucking Tommy ever since the blonde dropped to his knees in an ally years ago.  
　  
Adam takes over, gets Tommy sprawled out naked on his bed, leaving him alone for as short a time as possible to get what he needs. He drops the condom and lube onto the bed and goes back to kissing the blonde senseless. They have all night, but neither of them has that kind of patience, not right now anyway. One day Adam would love to spend hours teasing Tommy, bringing the slight man to the edge over and over again. Not letting him cum till he was a begging mess, so hard it hurt. As much as that idea turns him on, it’s something for another day. Right now his dick would probably separate from his body and kill him if he took too long with this, if Tommy didn't kill him first.  
　  
Adam probably coats his fingers with more lube than he would need to prep three guys, but he noticed the way Tommy's back had tensed for a moment before relaxing again when Adam had rolled him onto his stomach. There is no way Adam is risking hurting Tommy, not when he's trusting him to do something he only trusted one person with before and that person had abused his trust. Adam is determined to show Tommy that sex with men can be good, more than good both ways. He knows Tommy liked topping, so he needs to make this just as good for him, if not better.  
　  
Adam presses gentle kisses and bites, sucking at the small of Tommy's back and his ass the whole time he is working his fingers inside the blonde. It goes better than he had expected. Tommy might have tensed up for a second, but he relaxes and lets Adam's fingers in like he was made for them. He lets out happy little sighs when Adam is pumping two fingers into him, two fingers pull a single drawn out moan when he scissors them slightly. When three of Adam's fingers are pressed tightly together, the tips rubbing right at Tommy's spot, the moaning and swearing becomes a constant babble.  
　  
"Adam fuck me before one of us dies, and by that I mean fucking do something before I fucking kill you," Tommy groans. The blonde always had a bit of a potty mouth, but he gets dirtier the more turned on he is and his language would make a porn star blush.  
　  
Adam keeps Tommy on his stomach, knowing that after having not done this in so long Tommy might as well be a virgin. So for this time, their first time it'll be easier, but for round two he is so flipping Tommy on to his back so he can see more of the blonde’s gorgeously turned on and blissed out face. He decides to get Tommy up on his knees a little, but keeps the rest of him sprawled on the bed. Adam runs his hands over pale, firm cheeks, then he lines himself up after rolling on the condom, loving how Tommy lets him manhandle him. He keeps it slow despite Tommy cursing at him, telling him he can take more. He has to hold Tommy still to stop him from just fucking back onto Adam's cock. He works in slowly and keeps as still as he can till he is sure he can feel Tommy relaxing, knowing the blonde is desperate, turned on and trying to please him. He will make this good for both of them, even if it pisses Tommy off a little. He soon seems to forgive Adam, chanting his name and praise, instead of cursing at him once Adam starts nailing his prostate with every single slow thrust.  
　  
He trusts in hard and fast and then stills, grinding his hips into Tommy instead, making him whimper and moan from the continual pressure against his prostate. He wraps his arms around Tommy whilst he does it, keeping the blonde as close as he can, relishing the feel of their sweat slicked skin pressing together, the tight feel of Tommy's body clenching around him as his hips move helplessly. He presses a hard kiss to Tommy's shoulder and then starts thrusting again, harder and faster than before and he lets Tommy meet his thrusts now that he’s completely sure that he won't hurt himself. Adam gets one hand free and reaches around Tommy's body to find his dick, rock hard and dripping onto the sheets. Tommy's babbling gets even louder and faster and for an Atheist, he sure seems to have a lot to say to God. Adam can't help teasing his lover, telling him in explicit detail just how good it feels to be inside of him, how tight he is around his cock. He even tells Tommy about his plans for round two and three, although by the time he's describing all the ways he'd like to wake Tommy up, he can hardly get the words past his lips. He's as much a panting, moaning mess as Tommy is. Adam speeds up the movement of his hand and his thrusts. Tommy seems torn between pushing back onto his cock or forward into Adam's hand, but they quickly fall into rhythm again, both racing towards orgasm.  
　  
Adam feels Tommy go still and then his whole body is shuddering, clenching. Adam almost loses it then and there, but he keeps thrusting, intensifying what Tommy is feeling as he spills over his hand and begins to slump like a puppet that has had it’s strings cut. Adam lasts maybe seconds after that before his hips are stuttering and his orgasm is being torn out of him. He can't stop kissing Tommy's back and he can't seem to shut up either, whispering 'I love you' the whole time he is cumming and even as the afterglow sets in. He pulls out when he realizes Tommy probably isn't comfortable and he gets rid of the condom. He grabs a wash cloth from the other room to clean off Tommy, who has rolled onto his back on the bed. He looks sleepy; satisfied. Adam curls himself around him, his bassist, his friend, his lover. They lay together, just enjoying the peace, touching gently and exploring bodies now that the urgency has passed.  
　  
Adam kissed Tommy's lips gently, they’re bare from gloss and soft against his. Tommy is amazing to look at sprawled out naked and clearly comfortable in his nudity. Adam had once stupidly thought maybe this was all there was to Tommy, something very pretty and very good in bed that he'd liked to fuck. He'd soon realized he was wrong when he joined the band. Tommy had a lot of walls he had put up over the years and behind each one, there was another aspect to him, a side you hadn't seen yet. Like Adam had seen him submissive, but knew a dominate nature was there too and he couldn't wait to test it out. Tommy was pretty, so it was easy to be distracted by that and not look any deeper. But Adam knew now that Tommy used his beauty like another wall, he hide behind it. He looked hot and perfect, even when he was broken inside. Adam was incredibly thankful that he got to see behind the mask, that he got to see Tommy broken open, vulnerable and honest. If he had his way, he would get to spend the rest of his life finding all of the walls in Tommy and looking behind them, seeing what he’s hiding from the world.  
　  
It felt a little bit like an adventure, exploring all of his lover’s hidden depths. But it had been so worth while finding out all he had so far, fighting through the lies and secrets to discover the real Tommy behind his pretty mask. Adam couldn't wait to spend every day finding out more, seeing more, even when what Tommy had hidden away was something ugly, he was still beautiful in the way he reacted; fought. His strength had come as a surprise and it was as amazing to see as anything else. His lover had been badly hurt, his past might always haunt him, scar him, but Adam really didn't see it as baggage. He saw it as proof that the man he loved was a fighter, that he had survived, been through hell and came out still able to love him. Adam couldn't ask for anything more beautiful.


	10. Chapter Ten-Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to an end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: i_glitterz  
> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot

Epilogue  
　  
Adam POV  
　  
He's half asleep and laid out on his front, he really doesn't want to wake up, but he can feel Tommy pressing kisses to his shoulder blades and that is not something he’s ever going to completely ignore. He pouts when he feels the sheets being tugged down a little so that more of his skin is on show. It's warm out, but it still makes him shiver a little. The bed shifts and then a soft kiss is pressed into the skin at the base of his neck. Adam can't help the small happy sound that slips out of him at that. He really loves it when Tommy wakes up early. In the months they've been doing this, it hasn't happened often, he isn't really a morning person. But when the blonde does wake up early, well he seems to really like waking Adam up in some of the best possible ways.  
　  
"Sleeping," Adam mumbles into the pillow as Tommy starts trailing kisses down his spine. He's tired and he occasionally likes to play hard to get. He knows Tommy never buys it, he's kind of a slut for him, he's never said no or been too tired.  
　  
"Wanna see if I can wake you up?" Tommy asks close to his ear, but he’s gone again before Adam can even think of an answer, his tongue trailing down the center of Adam's spin this time. He stops and presses a kiss to the dip of Adam's spine. Then soft hands are spreading him open a little and that tongue is trailing lower.  
　  
"Fuck," Adam moans, his cock going from a little interested to really fucking interested in seconds. His dick is trapped beneath him and it's rock hard, already leaking into the sheets a little.  
　  
Tommy's tongue flicks at his rim teasingly before he just goes for it. Adam has been rimmed before, but no one has ever seemed as into it as Tommy. Even now he’s moaning as he licks deeper, working Adam open. He's so lost in the sensation that he almost doesn't notice Tommy's first finger pressing against his rim. He realizes Tommy must have planned this and been awake longer than Adam had thought when he feels the lubed slick finger pressing into him. He hadn't even heard the blonde get the lube out of the draw, so it must have already been in reach; sneaky fucker.  
　  
Adam’s moaning into his pillow, panting and desperate by the time Tommy’s worked up to three fingers. His hands are clenching in the sheets, and he’s so turned on that all he wants is to flip over and speed things up, but he's in charge more often than not and he wants to let Tommy do this. Adam’s been woken up being blown by Tommy before, but this is new. They've played, gotten close, but Adam knows he’s too controlling and dominating to usually just lie back and let Tommy do his thing. Adam isn't gonna take control today; he feels amazing, his skin buzzing and if Tommy can make him feel like he's about to lose it on his fingers and tongue alone, then Adam can't wait to see what he can do with his dick.  
　  
"Please, Tommy," Adam moans. Fuck, he wants this so much, has never wanted someone to do this to him more than he does right now. He's not good at giving up control and letting someone else take the lead, but he trusts Tommy, going beyond attraction. He's in love with this beautiful man in bed with him. He knows Tommy’s sticking around, he can be vulnerable and know Tommy will never purposefully hurt him and that makes it easy for him to just relax and beg for something he had never thought he would want again.  
　  
Tommy's hands are at his waist, encouraging him to roll over so that they are face to face, the blonde between his legs and leaning down to kiss him. Adam hitches his legs up a little, helping Tommy get closer, working on getting a perfect position even as they kiss slow and a little sloppy, both still languid and half asleep. Tommy slicks himself with lube, but doesn't put on a condom. Adam hasn't been using them, so it's probably habit now as much as anything for Tommy not to use one. Adam can't help tensing up a little when he feels Tommy's cock start to press in, but the blonde seems to realize and doesn't push any further.  
　  
"I love you," Tommy pants out against his kiss swollen lips. He nips at them as well, making Adam's breath hitch and heat race through him. He can feel himself relaxing again. This is Tommy, if it hurts he'll stop, if he just doesn't like it, he'll stop. Adam doesn't have to worry here, just enjoy the feelings currently coursing through his body.  
　  
Tommy slides in on one powerful thrust, his hips meeting Adam's, the feel of it has Adam's head falling back. He feels full, his skin stretched tight over his skin. He might not like to think of Tommy being with other men, but it's times like these he is really fucking glad that Tommy has topped before. He knows Tommy is good in bed, hell there hasn't been a single thing Tommy’s done to make Adam think he might not be good at everything in bed. He should’ve known Tommy would be good at this, too. But fuck, he hadn't expected to really like being topped. He never really has before, but this, he more than likes this. The pleasure he feels when Tommy starts thrusting is actually toe curling. Adam had thought that was a turn of phrase, but it really isn't, he's finding that out now.  
　  
"Fuck, please, harder, more." He's so close, and he needs to cum so badly. He's so hard it almost hurts, his dick is smearing pre-cum on both his and Tommy's stomachs.  
　  
Tommy gets a hand behind his knee and hoists it up over his own shoulder, folding Adam almost in double, his thrusts hitting just that little bit deeper and it has Adam seeing stars. He’s gone when Tommy wraps a hand around his dick, hand jacking hard and fast, his way made slick by all the pre-cum Adam is leaking. He can't get any words out, just grabs hard onto Tommy's back, finger nails probably digging in too hard, but Tommy doesn't complain, he just keeps fucking into Adam as he cums between them both.  
　  
Adam pulls Tommy down, getting his face close enough so that Adam can kiss him, his tongue fucking into the blonde’s mouth as he comes down a little. He tries to do more than just lay there like some sort of boneless heap of post orgasm goo. He sucks on Tommy's tongue the same way he would his dick, keeping his legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Tommy breaks the kiss and moans out Adam's name as he cums. Fuck, that is never something Adam’s going to get tired of. They kiss lazily for a while, Tommy resting on top of him, inside of him. Tommy pulls out carefully and leaves the bed for a second before he comes back and cleans them both up, slipping back into bed behind Adam and spooning his body up against Adam's back. Even though they normally do this the other way too; Tommy is little, he's normally the little spoon, Adam must admit he really likes being held after being with Tommy.  
　  
He hums, pleased when he feels Tommy press a light kiss to the back of his neck. He can't believe he’s here sometimes, that he has Tommy like this. He’s so fucking lucky and happy. He might not like mornings before he's had coffee normally, but he's more than happy to skip his morning coffee to spend time in bed with Tommy, especially when it means getting to wake up so pleasantly.  
　  
Tommy POV  
　  
He can't help smirking a little at the blissed out look he's put on Adam's face. It always makes him feel almost smug when he reduces Adam Lambert, Sex God, to a panting mess, makes him feel pretty much awesome. He loves knowing he can make Adam feel good as well, that they both get as much out of being together like this as the other does.  
　  
Tommy trails his fingers lazily over Adam's chest, he can't stop touching the other man, not now that he is finally allowed. It might become an issue at some point, but right now their friends are all too happy for them to call them out on it. Brad had screamed down the phone at him when Tommy called to tell him. Tommy won't have sex with Adam at his and Brad's place. He's a little worried Brad would do something like come in during and applauded them. They've spent days like today at Adam's. Anytime they’re off in LA, Tommy spends most his time with Adam. They share hotel rooms and Tommy’s moved into Adam's room on the bus. They get some teasing from the band, but it's all light hearted and Tommy likes being open with them. He likes that all of Adam's friends know about him, that his friends know about Adam. Neither of them are hiding this from the people that really matter.  
　  
Which is partly why Tommy woke up hours before the alarm Adam set and decided to distract himself. He's taking Adam with him today when he goes to visit his mom. He's going to tell her everything, maybe not some of the details, but that he's gay, about his past with Jeremy so it can never be held over him again. He wants to explain why he pretended not to like men, his reasons, and wants her to know he wasn't lying when he told her he was straight, that he didn't like men when she asked. He was trying to be straight, living the lie he told her, so he wants her to see that, to know he wasn't just keeping his sexuality from her, but everyone. Most importantly, he wants to introduce her to Adam as his boyfriend, as the man he loves. What he has with Adam, it’s too amazing for him to want to hide it from the other people in his life that he loves, like his Mom and his sister.  
　  
"Baby, something wrong? You’re a little tense." Adam rolls over, turning to face him, but keeping him as close as he can. Strong arms keeping him tight against a broad chest, he loves laying his head on Adam's chest and just listening to the steady beat of his heart.  
　  
"Thinking about today," Tommy admits, knowing Adam will know what about today has him thinking too hard instead of relaxing and enjoying the afterglow.  
　  
"Tommy Joe, your mom loves you. She won't hate you for loving me, she'll just be happy you’re dating someone who loves you," Adam tells him, his fingers gently brushing Tommy's long bangs off his face. Adam is a tall, broad guy. He's strong and his gentleness still sometimes surprises Tommy.  
　  
"Say it again?" Tommy asks softly, hates that he's needy, that he needs reassurance, but he knows Adam doesn't take it badly. They both seem to like hearing and saying the words.  
　  
"I love you," Adam says simply before kissing him gently.  
　  
Tommy kisses back, losing himself in the pleasure. He's still a little afraid of coming out to his family, and one day the world. Hell, he's still a little afraid that he might fuck up completely and ruin the best relationship he’s ever had. But he isn't terrified, the fear doesn't eat at him every day the way it used to. It’s background noise, and with Adam at his side, he feels brave enough for anything. He got stronger when he was by himself, but he's also learned that leaning on someone else doesn't make him weak. He can give himself over to Adam completely, open himself up and not worry about being crushed. He might be a bit afraid, but true bravery isn't not being scared, he knows that, knows that it’s really doing things anyway. He was afraid to give his heart to someone again, but he's done it and can't see himself regretting it.  
　  
"I love you, too," Tommy whispers when the kiss breaks.  
　  
He might not be quite ready to tell the fans yet, the media, but he can tell Adam. Plans to tell the other man he loves him every day, he's never going to let Adam doubt that he loves him. Their beginning might have been a little rough, but things are different now, for both of them and Tommy is strong enough to fight to make this work. He isn't about to run away if things get hard. If he can make Adam Fucking Lambert beg, hell, he can do anything.  
　  
The End.


End file.
